The 00s - as told via Albion press conferences

PRESS conferences can often be amusing, fiery, boring, fascinating and, more often than not, utterly mundane.

There there are some that linger on in the memory, not necessarily for the right reasons.

Here are some of the highlights since the turn of the century from a media point of view. All instances have involved Albion in one respect or another - with most remaining locked away in the memory bank, until now...

Most worrying...
When Ife Udeze was unveiled he perspired, look so frenzied and agitated that we stopped proceedings to check he was okay. It wasn't a good omen.

Most politically incorrect...
A certain player talked about high-jinks before a match, comparing the ambush of his team-mates in the team hotel to an 'Al-Qaeda terrorist attack'. We opted against using the quotes for his sake.

Most bizarre answer...
So why does Roberto Di Matteo admire Arsene Wenger? 'Because he worked and lived in Japan.' Paul Sturrock talking about giving the 'missus a good beating' earlier this season was somewhat odd too. And a little worrying.

Most rude answer...
Steve Cotterill. Rude, arrogant and condescending to the Lancashire media who questioned him following one of Burnley's games against Albion. A close second would be Russell Hoult, who gave abrupt answers before Albion's trip to Crystal Palace - just minutes after the so-called training session which Gary Megson had been forced to end early due to indiscipline. We didn't know that at the time. Joe Kinnear and Gordon Strachan love the sound of their own voice too and are utterly devoid of any manners - both are generally disliked.

Most blatant porky ...
A colleague and I asked about Steve Watson joining Albion. Bryan Robson's answer? 'I wouldn't get too excited about him joining just yet'. We walked out of the manager's office to find Steve Watson waiting to meet his new boss. A close second would be Gary Megson telling us Inamoto was still about 6-8 weeks away from full fitness. He was on the bench two days later. Those are merely the tip of the 'little white lie' iceberg.

Most 'foot in mouth'...
Step forward Jon Greening. Criticised Steve McClaren's signings at Boro, said he would 'never make an England manager' and generally poked fun as his former manager. He was right in a way, although probably not the best idea given that Boro played, and beat, Albion the following week. Mind you, it was also Jono who asked whether there was a different sun in Portugal because it was so hot during Albion's pre-season tour of the Algarve.

Most under-stated response to a serious incident...
Ronnie Wallwork speaking for the first-time after being stabbed eight times. 'Well obviously I was a bit disappointed'...

Most impressive perseverance...
The Japanese press spent the duration of Inamoto's Albion career coming along to press conferences and matches simply with one aim - to ask the Inamoto question. For the first few months he had a broken leg yet still they kept coming. The same happened with South Korean media and Kim, but at least he figured more often.

Most obvious instance of not covering your tracks...
Bryan Robson conducted one briefing in his office, with his entire transfer wish-list written down behind him on the whiteboard. It was here I first learned of Albion's interest in Eduardo. If only...

Most explosive...
Gary Megson and a former Birmingham Post colleague enjoyed a fiery yelling match during one press conferece after the journalist had, somewhat innocently, reported Danny Dichio's wage demands in the previous day's newspaper. Megson's parting shot was to tell the journo to 'stick to cricket (reporting)...you dope'. My colleague, who happened to be a veteran of the Rhodesian Bush War, replied 'it's tennis actually.' Nobody fancied stepping in to stop this particular bust-up.

Most obvious twist of a quote...
'Agents like to hawk their players around this time of year', as told by Tony Mowbray to the Birmingham Mail, appeared as 'Kevin Phillips is hawking himself around to other clubs' in one red-top tabloid. Phillips has never forgotten this incident and once publicly warned his Blues team-mates to avoid this particular journalist when he spotted him at an event.

Most 'I'm getting sacked in the morning' revelation...
Gary Megson putting the knife into his players and his bosses following the Crystal Palace defeat in 2004, before explaining in a further interview that he wouldn't be getting a new contract when his current one expired. The club took that as his resignation and he lasted until the following Tuesday.

Most inappropriate question...
One veteran and very highly-respected journalist perhaps should have shown more tact when he asked Tony Mowbray why Albion were wearing an-all black kit against Derby County as there was no obvious colour clash. This question came less than half an hour after Derby had beaten Mowbray's side in the play-off final. Albion's choice of kit probably wasn't high on Mowbray's agenda.

Most improvised escape from the press...
When Paul Gascoigne played for Wolves reserves against Albion's second-string several journalists and TV cameras turned up for the fixture at Aggborough. We all waited for Gazza to emerge from the dressing room. What we didn't know was that the ex-England man had already pinched a brightly-coloured steward's jacket and made his escape, walking past us with his head bowed. We were totally oblivious. Until a steward returned to tell us that Gazza was already sat on the Wolves team bus, probably laughing at us. Another example of the man's flawed genius.