July 2008 Archives

Groten from Venlo.

Pre-season tours can be a real eye-opener. And, at times, an eye-sore.

Take Ishmael Miller for instance. He may be a Premier League footballer but his footwear was clearly more Conference-level.

The Albion striker's trainers were taking pride of place in the banter stakes this morning. And rightly so.

Serious questions need to be asked about someone who wears Neopolitan adidas pumps, which come in a delightful colour scheme of Battenburg Pink, Duck Egg Blue and with Lemon Yellow soles.

Even the normally silent Joe Corrigan found cause for comment. And he hasn't spoken since about 1985.

Big Ish clearly had other things on his mind, like contesting Albion's very own Super Mario Kart endurance race.

Eight of the players - Paul Robinson, Craig Beattie, Dean Kiely, Clem, Jonno, James Morrison, Luke Moore and Ish - whiled away the hours on their handheld Nintendo DS consoles.

Moore, we're told, was the Lewis Hamilton of the group. Jon Greening was the mobile chicane, spinning round and round.

Pele stayed off the track and in front of the mirror.

The Cape Verde international has been battered for his new mohican-style, red-highlighted barnet.

Word is the clippers will be soon coming out...

Not before time.

Meanwhile, Albion's training venue isn't the easiest to find, as we found out this morning.

While Birmingham Mail photographer Sam and I opted for the tried and tested option of asking passing locals for directions (thanks to the kind gent who escorted us), our colleagues from another newspaper turned to their Satnav.

Big mistake.

They programmed the venue postcode into the TomTom and duly listened for instructions.

Bigger mistake.

Eventually they reached their destination - the middle of a housing estate, with not a football pitch in sight.

The Sportclub Irene venue is somewhat impressive. Belonging to an amateur 3rd Klasse club (effectively Holland's sixth tier), it boasts six pitches, 40 youth clubs and 900 members.

It's called Irene after a Princess Irene and a goddess of the same name. It was formed in 1949 and the training facilities would put many Championship clubs to shame.

The team hotel, just up the road, is a fairly impressive sight as well.

Mind you the snack bar menu took some working out. Among the local delicacies were 'mice (sic) bread with chicken' and 'smashed egg'.

The players and coaching staff have it a lot more easier, feasting in the hotel restaurant.

And the less said about the hotel foyer music the better. Imagine having the likes of 'Take My Breath Away', Pan Pipe-style, played over the speakers. It was like being stuck in a lift.

I'm not sure whether Tony Mowbray heard it though - he was too busy chatting on his mobile phone for most of the day...

Welcome to Venlo. Not far from Eindhoven, nearer to Germany. It's somewhere in Holland, near the red line on a map which separates NL from D - or Netherland from Germany.

I did lose it on the map before. Found it under a piece of crisp.

Sneeze too hard and you end up in Dusseldorf.

Here lies our base for the next seven days, while Albion prepare for the Premier League campaign.

The players arrived in nearby Tegelen today and start training tomorrow so there isn't much to report so far - although Sam (my photographer) and I did find a clog shop in the town centre. Only in Holland.

Our hotel? Put it this way, I'm sure I saw John Cleese working behind the reception...

Me? I'm off for a Waldorf Salad.

IT's fair to say pre-season tours are never boring.

In the seven years I've covered them I've had my eyes opened. Somethings have amused me, some have shocked me, some I'd rather not have seen.

Back in 2002, there was a players' revolt in Exeter, at Nigel Mansell's hotel, when they threatened to go on strike over bonus payments which were altered following the change in regime.

It was all very cloak and dagger. A colleague and I were summoned to the hotel car park by a large delegation of players, where a long-winded statement was read out, effectively threatening withdrawal of labour. All very 1970s.

That'll be same trip where Albion played a blind team yet arrived late after the coach driver got hopelessly lost on the way.

The Baggies lost that game - you can imagine what the Sun made of that.

And I never did get to see Mansell.

Then there was a trip to Denmark which passed peacefully. Until the players spotted a local who looked like Gary Megson.

The Albion boss didn't see the funny side. Although I reckon his scowl was down to the arrival of Jeremy Peace at a time when their relationship was disintergrating quicker than a wet paper bag.

A year later Megson flew back to Birmingham just as Sam (he's our photographer) and I flew into Copenhagen. If we'd known we were passing each other we would have waved.

Megson claims he was heading back to England to sign Kanu. Others will tell you differently.

That left Frank Burrows in charge. Which, with all due respect to the lovely man that Frank was, was a bit like leaving your favourite, big, soft, uncle in charge.

Did the players make the most of Megson's absense? Odense is still recovering.

And then Bryan Robson whisked us off to Los Angeles. Or at least he would have done had Real Madrid not turned LA Galaxy's head, prompting the American club to drop Albion. The Baggies' loss would one day become David Beckham's gain.

We ended up in the Algarve instead, watching Albion losing to Sevilla, getting thrashed by Benfica and finding out, only two days before our departure, that the organisers still had another game lined up, against Sporting Lisbon. Which the Baggies lost.

Oh, and Paul Gascoigne turned up. Thankfully, without fake breasts or Jimmy Five-Bellies.

The next year was Scotland, a trip I missed. I'm told it was a boring trip anyway.

And then over to beautiful Slovenia last year. Ridiculously hot and oppressive temperatures left us in no doubt which of the players had looked after themselves over the summer. All had. Well, almost.

John Hartson was the only player to keep his top on - after telling our snapper to refrain from taking any pictures. We duly obliged.

There's been more over the years.

I could tell you about the fan who, during one overseas' trip, kindly requested that our photographer didn't take any pictures of her fella when we spotted them on a night on the town. He was supposed to be on a work trip. At least that's what he told his wife.

And then there was the player (no longer at club) who collapsed, somewhat worse for wear, onto a flower bed in the hotel foyer before retiring to a glass fronted lift for a spot of shut-eye. He spent the next hour travelling up and down between floors.

Not forgetting the married player (again, gone), whose mistress showed up halfway during the tour.

There will be none of that this year. Discipline and respect towards the management is paramount within this Albion squad. Besides, half of them don't look enough to get served in a bar.

Personally, I'm more concerned with news of imminent transfer activity.

Read Saturday's Birmingham Mail (or log onto our website) to find out more.

And, for those of you going, see you in Holland, Germany or both.

You might have noticed the stories linking Paul Robinson with a move away from The Hawthorns because he allegedly has 'snubbed a contract offer'.

No he hasn't. Talks, in fact, are still on-going.

One newspaper has even linked him with a move to Bolton.

Robbo knows nothing about these stories. And, I'm told, the leak hasn't come from anyone else close to him. Nor has it come from anyone else connected to Albion.

All of which makes you wonder where these stories came from...

It was all change down the training ground on Tuesday.

The builders are extending the car park. For new signings? Perhaps. For the return of Earny and his ridiculous Hummer? Possibly not. For a drive-thru McDonald's, just in case Big John returns? Let's hope not.

There were more alterations inside.

The backdrop used for press conferences - the club badge surrounded the shirt sponsors' logo - has no reference whatsoever to a phone company. T-Who? That'll be the fickle world of shirt sponsorship for you.

Elsewhere there were more journalists than usual at yesterday's press conference (to unveil Gianni Zuiverloon incidentally). Last season it was myself, two or three press colleagues and a couple of regional radio stations. If I had so wished I could have brought a couple of mates and their pets. Not any more. The national press and TV companies have suddenly remembered the way to Albion's training ground. That'll be the Premier League for you.

And then there was bay 21 in the car park.

Empty.

I spoke rather loudly about the need to hand Kevin Phillips a two year deal when this issue first came up back in April - so loudly that the Albion chairman frowned at my enthusiasm.

Yet I actually sympathise with Albion. After all, Phillips is a 35-year-old, give or take a few days, he has a wobbly knee and, as a result, may struggle to maintain his form. He is one poor challenge away from not playing again, so much so that Blues made thorough checks into the condition of his knee.

I can see why Peace and Tony Mowbray stepped away from offering a two-year deal.

On the flip side if we're to assume Phillips was to earn £20k a week for two years then it would roughly translate to about £2.1million over the term of his deal.

Now consider signing a replacement. A Premier League-proven striker, who can score goals at the highest level and create for others. He'd cost a lot more. And the rest.

Would Kev have lasted another year or two in the top flight? Well here's the thing - Albion offered him one year plus a 12 month option based on making 19 performances and, ominously, he opted against the risk.

Perhaps he already knows the answer. And that's the crux of it. It was his choice to back away rom the challenge. I believe Kev would have accepted Albion's terms had he been more confident about his knee.

I also had to smile at the press statement issued by the club which made a cheeky reference to Phillips turning 35 later this month and pointed out his poor strike rate on the last occasion he played in the top flight.

Hindsight will now weave its fickle way through the final two years of his career. Let's revisit this debate in 2010.

In the meantime, good luck to him. He was a tremendous servant for Albion.

Mind you one thing hasn't changed down at Albion's training ground. They can spend millions on international footballers, offer top facilities, provide the best medical care and sport science research.

But can I get a Vodafone signal? Can I hell.

I'm not one to cause alarm but Gianni Zuiverloon has a major decision to make following his move from Holland.

Ex-directory or phone book?

Albion's latest final entry in their A-Z roll-call - replacing the hapless Zubi - is opening himself to abuse of the highest order.

I can't really be bothered to check Birmingham's residential directory but I would imagine that Albion's latest Dutchman would be somewhere near the bottom of page End.

And that's a worry.

My parents knew a Polish couple whose name started with 'Zy' and were, as a result, propping up everyone else in their local phone book.

They would often get 3am phone calls from drunken louts, foolish students and, possibly even, bored night watchmen informing them, rather helpfully, that they were the last name in the directory. Things got so bad that our sleep-starved friends got themselves removed from the book.

Assuming that such people go ex-directory, then, sooner or later as people drop off, that could leave Mr Zuiverloon at the mercy of such nonsense.

Gianni, you have been warned.

Elsewhere, I couldn't help wondering whether I was suffering the lingering effects of sun stroke following two weeks on the beach.

'Martin Albrechtsen quits with swipe at Albion' raged the headline on our website.

You what?

It seems the Dane was accusing Albion of being 'slow negotiators' and creating 'too much uncertainty'.

This from someone who created 'uncertainty' himself by claiming he wanted to leave Albion if they didn't reach the Premier League, just a few days before a vital Play Off game against Wolves.

My abiding memory of Albrechtsen will be of a player who had great pace, could use both feet but whose defensive positioning and overall quality was simply not good enough. At Championship level he was reasonable. At top flight level? I don't think so.

I would have thought a dignified hush-hush sneak-out-of-the-door exit would have been far more appropriate for a player who fell way short of being worth anywhere near the £2.7million Albion paid for him.