Holland (or Germany) - Day Four and a bit of Five

I warn you now, never trust a man who wears a black and white striped blazer with jeans.

If that man is wearing odd-looking glasses - more for comedy than reading - then clearly you should steer clear. This is a man who clearly rated Timmy Mallett as a top entertainer and still lives with his mother. Even though he's 49. He has probably never had a girlfriend.

And for this reason alone I can only commend Tony Mowbray for keeping a straight face when he was 'interviewed' by a man who was possibly the lovechild of Dennis Pennis and Paul O'Grady.

He certainly looked like he was.

With his bleached-blond hair, shoulder pads and slightly girl-like demeanour, Georg van den Hoovel was the self-appointed master of ceremonies at the post-match press conference.

Parking himself in between the two opposing managers, on a stage normally reserved for bog-standard press conferences, Mr VDH brought a touch of the surreal to an after-match gathering by firing his own questions, while looking like a cabaret act. Camp? A row of tents springs to mind. He even interrupted Tony Mowbray on one occasion, just so he could translate something into German halfway through a sentence. The rest of us watched on in awe. This was ground-breaking stuff.

Not surprisingly VDH didn't ask about Scott Carson or Robert Koren's injury. Nor was he bothered about anything else Albion-wise. But I'm sure he winked at the Borussia coach. Perhaps he had a twitch. Who knows.

It was all rather uncomfortable.

The Eurovision feel to last night continued during the game thanks to Germany's answer to Terry Wogan introducing the German side to the 3000-or-so fans, while an irritable English lady fumbling her way through the Baggies' team.

I say fumbling because she got names horribly wrong, with lost vowels here, syllables disappearing there.

At one point our female friend - no doubt wearing a floral frock and wishing she could listen to the Archers in peace - appeared to lose her cool.

"I'm sorry," she snapped, "I can't tell you who some of the (Albion) substitutes are because not all of them have got numbers."

This merely prompted a bitchy and perfectly justified 'oooh' from members of the crowd. I'm sure I heard her stamping her feet and slamming a door. And I bet her bum looked big in whatever she was wearing.

Her co-announcer merely added a touch of 'Woganism' to the proceedings by saying 'thank you' in a surprised tone when she announced Albion's scorer. Clearly he was as shocked as the rest of us to see Sherjill MacDonald score.

Mike Fleetwood and Sam Fox had nothing on our tannoy partners. It was broadcasting heaven.

Speaking of last night's game, a special mention for the supporters who travelled from England especially to watch Albion in action.

Among others were regulars from past pre-seasons, London Baggies, Norwegian Baggies, Black Country Baggies, drunken Baggies, Baggies from The Bill (so I'm told) and Dean Walton, who paid 1p to travel out and just £9.99 for his return ticket. Including taxes.

A bargain at twice the price.

The centre of Goch was blue and white stiped throughout, with some good nature banter between Albion fans and the locals. I reckon there were close to 300 fans.

Mind you, some people had clearly not realised how strong German beer is.

There were no doubt a few sore heads today.

But perhaps not as painful as the bill that Borussia Monchengladbach's 'head of transport' will be getting today after the German club's hapless coach driver drove his bus into the side of the gate, pulling the frame off its hinges and leaving scrapes on the rear wing of the vehicle.

Oh dear.