Holland - Day Six

SHOULD the UK ever be a three-minute warning away from nuclear attack then I hope Jonathan Greening is the man who informs me of my imminent date with the grim reaper.

The warning of catastrophic radiation poisoning or, at worst, possible death, will be far more welcome coming from Albion's captain rather than any government public information film.

Not least when Jono delivers news of my imminent demise with his usual jovial, good-humoured smile.

I may even find it funny to be honest.

It's just as well that he has a sense of humour as poor Jono, one of the world's happiest men, has been getting it from all sides this week in Tegelen.

Not only has he been the mobile chicane for the front-runners in the team's eight-man Super Mario Kart Challenge but, earlier this week, a few of the players watched the club's 2007-08 DVD.

All seems well until the very last frame of the film when Jono, somewhat inexplicably, got coerced (so he tells us) into waving at the camera with both hands and yelping 'see you in the Premier League'.

Big mistake - not least as he now gets reminded of his outburst at frequent intervals. And rightly-so.

Jono explained himself: "I just keep winding them up and walking around going 'see you in the Premier League'.

"I blame it on the people who did the DVD - I was stiched up.

"They were begging me to do it and, being the nice guy that I am, I did it and now I'm getting grief.

"It'll probably end up on Youtube."

Let's hope so.

Meanwhile, Albion players were on a day off yesterday and given a day out at a local shopping mall.

Roman Bednar will today be wondering what to do with the wire-less mouse he bought for his laptop.

Sadly he didn't bother buying the software to download onto his computer.

Let's hope Roman has better luck when he buys the car he promised himself for winning promotion, not least as his company Vauxhall Astra has already been sent back to Heart of Midlothian.

Having been in the team's Tegelen hotel when Marek Cech arrived earlier this week we have been wondering when Scott Carson will arrive.

The club are close to a deal to make the goalkeeper their first England international since Steve Hunt in the mid-1980s.

That'll explain the grin which has been fixed to Tony Mowbray's face for a couple of days now.

Speaking of being happy, club photographer Laurie Rampling has plenty to smile about after being officially named as the 'loudest man in Venlo', the town where we're staying.

Rampling was handed the honour by a waitress in a one of the town's cafes.

The Dutch town has never seen anything like it by all accounts.

How loud is he? Let's just say you can hear Laurie before you see him....