Hampshire's decision to happily hire out Dimitri Mascarenhas to the Indian Premier League in May was another kick in the ribs for county cricket. "A great honour for the player and the county," said chairman Rod Bransgrove. Eh? Surely Dimmy's just getting his snout in the trough. Another case of a county delighted, indeed grateful, to play lamppost to the dog of TV-fuelled greed.
By the way, it's high time somebody clamped down on sofa adverts. All those people languishing around on sofas without any socks on. Sometimes in the middle of the afternoon! It's depraved.
Frinton-on-Sea is actually much nicer than it was portrayed in that disgraceful BBC2 programme last night but, if I was a Warwickshire supporter, I would not be entirely comfortable with the apparent obsession from some at Edgbaston with international cricket. We all know the financial realities these days but last season the eye was taken right off the ball county-cricket wise with wretched consequences.
Some counties seem happy to let the county game wither on the vine. I hope the Bears fight for it all the way.
One other thing - me back's gone again. Ever since Blackpool, 2006, and an ill-advisedly long and over-active night out with Section 19, it's been dodgy and it went again this morning just as I was asking Walsall manager Richard Money a probing question.
As I type this, I am flat on my back, covered from head to toe in bandages, with all four limbs suspended in splints. Dangerous business, this sports journalism.

Poor old Tim Ambrose, making his Test debut in that shambles. But Tim did okay and anyway, after last summer, he knows all about the deep end.
Remember he got lumbered with the Bears captaincy at home to Surrey and, after the predictable thrashing, faced the press with Mark Greatbatch. And when the coach was asked about the team's shocking batting form, incredibly, he said: "I think that's one for the captain," and handed over to poor Amby, who had just skippered a team for the first time in first-class cricket! Again, he did okay there too. Impressive fella.
On the England debacle, by the way, three points.
1. What on earth are Harmison and Pietersen doing in the team?
2. England are clearly so brilliant that they can just fetch up on tour and play brilliantly without any proper preparation. This appears the ECB view and, on the evidence of this Test and the start of last winter's Ashes series, who could disagree?
3. Most importantly, we can only hope and pray that news of England's appalling efforts did not disturb the concentration or detract from the delivery of the national selector at his speaking engagements back in the UK.
You wouldn't make it up!

Ladies and gentlemen I am pleased to announce an exciting new competition designed to reward high cricketing intelligence with a unique and most prestigious prize.
At stake is the Seagull Trophy, a magnificent, hand-crafted ornament forged by bearded specialists in the workshops of Cornwall. This item, which I acquired from a high-class boutique during the winter, will be awarded to the person who most closely predicts what happens when the first delivery of the Bears' 2008 season is delivered in the championship match with Worcestershire at Edgbaston on April 16. I'll set the ball rolling with: "Leg-side delivery glanced to fine leg for a single."

Okay, ladies and gentlemen, show your cricketing nous. And, by the way, the decision of the judge (me, that is) is final. I'm not having a repeat of the Old Trafford fiasco last September when the lunch-score prediction contest was seized by an unruly faction of members who wantonly rewrote the rules for their own benefit.
Get your thinking caps on. The Seagull Trophy - and let me tell you it makes the crown jewels look like a bunch of pebbles - awaits the winner.

Warwickshire legend Tiger Smith has emerged as hot favourite to land the accolade of 'Most Prestigious Ernest in the History of the World'.
Tiger - Ernest James Smith - was a giant of a wicket-keeper and batsman for the Bears for 26 years, a linchpin of the 1911 championship triumph and an integral member of the coaching staff at Edgbaston for decades after his playing days.
Highgate-born Smith's credentials are beyond reproach, although he faces stiff competition for the title. Among others being well-backed are Ernie Bishop (Emily's husband, tragically gunned down in his prime), Ernie Hunt (Coventry City striker and architect of that brilliant free-kick routine with Willie Carr) and Ernie (the fastest milkman in the west).

Nick James has become the latest victim of Ashley Giles' destructive streak of form with the bowling machine in the Edgbaston nets.
Ian Westwood is still in recovery from a broken thumb sustained from a lifting delivery from the machine, fed by the director of cricket, in the nets at the indoor centre. Now James has copped a painful one too. Again Giles was the perpetrator of the heinous act, this time a ball of full length which struck James on the big toe. Severe bruising will sideline the all-rounder for four weeks.
As it stands, though, all the first-team squad should be fit for the start of the season. Boyd Rankin today advanced his recovery from a stress-fracture with some gentle walk-throughs in the nets and should be firing on all cylinders, if not more, by April.

Darren Maddy has long-reminded me of Porthos, ace swordsman and member of the Three Musketeers. The roguish charm, the debonair wit, the flashing blade.
But never more so than yesterday when the "The Man in the Iron Mask" was on telly and Porthos was played by Maddy's near-identical twin Gerard Depardieu. And most of all in the scene where Depardieu was assailed from above from by a deposit from a seagull.
It was a carbon copy of Hove last August when, chewing over the Bears' draw with Sussex, Maddy copped one right on the Warwickshire badge of his sweater. Life imitating art.

BREAKING BEARS NEWS. Following the resounding success of the football Premiership's plans to play a round of matches abroad, the ECB have wasted no time following suit. Warwickshire's championship match against Derbyshire from May 7 to 10 will now be played in Kabul.
Subject , of course, to approval from English cricketing's governing body, Sky.

Ode to Ian Bell

O Belly, Belly.
Your off-drive is a dream.
You have scored Test centuries in Faisalabad, Chester-le-Street and Leeds.
And who can forget your 135 against Lungley and Dumelow at Derby in 2001?
Belly.
Giant amongst pigmies.
And let's not forget yout nifty spell of medium-pace against Middlesex at Lord's in 2004.
Four for four.
Devastating.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it, Don Bradman.
O Ian Ronald Bell.
You have scored runs all over the universe.
But Belly,
Will you ever do what Tavare did in 1981?
Score a Test ton in Delhi.

A poem.

"Oh what will the 2008 season bring for the Bears?"

The cricket season has loomed into distant view.
After the shambles of 2007, how will the Warwickshire fare in 2008?
Intriguing.
Bears supporters, it's time to prepare.
Put on your smocks. Take up your sticks.
Adopt the position.
It's time to perform the bean-setting dance
In the name of Manolito from the High Chaparal.
At Northampton and Southend. At Leicester and Southgate.
And of course at Edgbaston, while queuing for your car-park ticket.