You really wouldn't would you?

As if our Twenty20 cup will not runneth over anyway with the enlarged group stage this season, take a look at this.

Counties have been furnished with the following instructions for formalities to take place before every T20 game this summer.

I pass it on in its entirety though sadly, for logistical reasons, without the pictures and diagrams.

Here we go...

"This document outlines the order in which each County should run the Player Line Up and Guard of Honour for the group stages of the Friends Provident t20 competition (FP t20). This should be treated as part of the compulsory rituals that ECB have developed for the FP t20 format.

The Player Line Up and Guard of Honour formation is explained below covering two scenarios.
Scenario 1. Players and umpires lead out from a central gate and line up either side of the gate.
Scenario 2 assumes the players enter from different gates which could be located anywhere along the boundary. In this instance the umpires and players will walk along the outside of the boundary rope on the grass until they reach the entrance of the GoH as illustrated in Picture A, at which point they follow the same formation as in scenario 1.

1. Markers (Refer to Guard of Honour Diagram & Picture A)
Nine markers (sourced by counties) are placed on the pitch in front of the pavilion to help the players and children stand in the correct formation. 8 markers are used for the children 2 x (3x3metre) squares placed 10m apart and 2m off the boundary rope. 1 marker is used for the umpires placed between the two flags and 2m back. Alternatively, the children can be ushered onto the pitch and positioned as stipulated in the Guard of Honour formation Diagram doing away with the need for any markers!
2. Children (picture A)
12 x pre-selected children gather on the pitch in two groups of six. The front 3 hold the front of the 3mx3m county flag and the back 3 hold the back of the flag. The children are positioned on the markers by a county representative.
3. Umpires (picture B)
Once the children have taken position, the FT t20 theme tune will start and the two on field umpires should walk out onto the pitch to the 9th marker. When they arrive they turn to face the pavilion.
4. Teams (picture C and D)
The two teams follow the umpires out, side-by-side, led by their flag bearer (provided by the county) and then the captain (rest of team to follow in batting order). Once they reach the umpires they fan out to form two lines facing the pavilion, with each team on their respective dressing room side.
5. Handshake Home Team (picture E)
Once the theme tune has finished and all photos taken. The home team led by the captain walks in front of the umpires and the away team. All the members of the team will shake the hands of the umpires and the away team. Once they have passed they head to their dugout.
6. Handshake Away Team (picture F)
Once the home team has passed the away team, the away team led by their captain walks in front of the umpires and all members shake the umpires hands. Once they have passed they head to their dugout,
7. Disband
Once the away team has passed the umpires, umpires take their position on the field and the flag bearers and children carry the flags back to the boundary."

Got all that? Good.

The above has been sent to all counties by a company called RPM which describes itself on its website as "the UK's leading experiential and marketing agency."
"Our expertise," it adds, "ranges from digital strategy for global brands consumer engagement to system, application development, delivery & hosting."

I would imagine they have been paid quite a lot of money by the ECB to come up with the above dross.

You wouldn't make it up would you?