Time for Jamaican-style child rearing
I don't know about you, but each news bulletin lately seems to include at least one report that makes me wonder what the world is coming too.
As I prepared to write this blog, news came through of the case of Paulo Jorge Nogueira da Silva, the lorry driver who ploughed and killed a family of six with his 40-ton truck last year, only to be given a three year sentence.
What?
That discussion is for another day, but what about another incredible story, that of Alfie Patten, the thirteen year old boy who last week was named the father of a baby born to his fifteen year old girlfriend.
Are we hearing correctly? To make matters worse, other young boys have come forward saying that they, not Alfie, may be the fathers of baby Maisie. With all the talk of DNA testing to prove who the real father is and the appointing of Max Clifford as media adviser to Alfie (why?), one question remains unanswered: where are these teenage parents' own families?
As I was growing up I used to long for the 'freedom' many of my friends were given. They always seemed able to stay out later and longer, go wherever and do whatever they wanted to. They never, as I did, had to account for where they were going, who they would be with and when they were getting back.
All I can say now is, thank God for strict parenting and a supportive family network. I was raised with a generous slice of good, 'yard-style' training fresh from Jamaica. As much as I wanted to mess about as a kid, there were few opportunities to get away with anything and there were serious consequences if I got caught. What boundaries have these poor little rebels been given?
Time for the parents to be called to question and punished. Do you agree?
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Veron Graham - telling it like it is.
I think these kids have been exploited! Why are they all over the front pages and being mocked for a silly mistake. It's a media disgrace. These kids should be out playing and making the most of what theyve got. Responsibility should come later as an adult. Whay are there some of these kids of just 13,15 or 16 messing around with this playgroung boyfriend/girlfriend lark? What kind of world is this? You don't know what you've got until it's gone and people should just act their age and that goes for the media as well!
I think its the government that has a lot to answer. At school we were punished - Government took that away. Children can divorce parents - Government allowed this. Parents cannot discipline their children even if the child spit in their face - blame the government. My son was brought up the old fashion way and he's 20 and have respect and can cook, clean and is at studying/working. He fears me so hence the respect - children who don't fear their parents don't respect them. I've left home, married, children and still fear mine. Love them to bits and would not change the way they brought me up as its what's made me who I am today and I was able to grow my son up with morals and respect - the other this is how many parents have taken their children to church!
I definitely agree! I was brought up in the 'yard-style' too, me and my younger brothers and althought we did get into trouble, we have so much respect (and fear) for our parents. I think that some of the parents now who have kids of about 11-15 have changed their parenting styles and have given there kids too much freedom! I have a younger sis of 13 and I am trying to explain to her that she is lucky to have what she does and to be able to go out with friends. I remember going to bed, switching my light off and it still being dark. I didnt have a curfew cuz there was no going out. I am only 22yrs old and can definitely say that my kids will be brought up the same way I was. Things are so much different now and it is having a bad effect on society. Its not the kids to blame its the parents..oh I agree the Gov's to blame too...children divorcing parents. Who ever thought of that needs a slap (can I say that??!)
"I don't know about you, I've had enough of all the talk about what's gone wrong with society."
That's how you opened an article back in June. Is this a Damascene conversion? I agree with much of what you've said in this article, but it's a bit galling when it seems that you've tried to shut down this type of debate in the past.
Thanks for the responses, fellow bloggers. Chez, it's really encouraging to read that someone as young as yourself, can 'see the light' and is making positive steps to see that the cycle doesn't continue in your family.
Big Up!
Much has been said about what has gone wrong, with plenty of that coming from me.
What do you think is the way forward now? Apparently the Conservative Party were promising to introduce curfews for offending youngsters but even if that works, will it be enough?
Is it possible to sanction parents /guardians for their children's behaviour?
Suppose you were on jury duty, would you feel comfortable in prosecuting the parents of someone like the Baby Daddy Alfie Patten?
Would you be able to stand trial regarding how you raised your kids?
I think that until children are of an age where they can be responsible for themselves (ie 16) it is absolutely appropriate that parents are held at the very least in part, responsible for them. Children are little more than an extension of their parents until they are around 7 or 8, then they are practising to become the adults they will one day be, based on the behaviours modelled to them by parents.
Parodoxically, I don't think that punishing parents would actually act as an incentive for them to rear more socially responsible case, because the problem is they don't know HOW to do it in the first place. Placing more responsibilty for young peoples' moral conscience at the door of our schools is also not going to work. Not only is the idea that schools can instil social morals in people wrong, it is also partly where the problem lies in the first place. We can't expect our kids to spend more and more time in schools, then not take any blame when they don't know what it is to be in a supportive family.
The short answer is, basically, yes. Parents SHOULD be held responsible for the actions of their young children.
The 'old fashion' principles are gone or they appear not to be instilled into children these days. What I mean about 'old fashioned principles' is wait until you are in love and married before having a child. Its not easy bringing up a child these days so how can a 'child' do it?
also I I believe that whatever the parents think and do their children will most likely end up doing. This means that bad habits, behavioral patterns are past on - good or bad;
I really do not want to condemn or judge but I do not agree with any of it - children having children. 'Old' style Jamaican discipline worked wonders for me and a little would have gone a long way in this case.
Thanks LY and Maxine .. and you of course Praguetory! Surely you can't blame me for wanting to explore and invite comment on this issue again!
It's good to read solid intelligent arguments from folks who've obviously thought deeply about the issues.
The problem is there for all to see but what about the solution/s?
I wonder if there is anyone out there who is bold enough to say what they would do if Gordon Brown posed you the question?
Wha'appen if you did run t'ings?!
Veron
My thoughts on whether Government and Political Officials is responsible or if there is a solution is...There isn't one solution that will solve everything. Due to the diversity of the UK society and culture any solution will have flaws & loop holes in it where individuals will slip through.
Each individual Adult, Peer, Parent, Government Official, Group Leader etc, is responsible to conduct themselves in a manor appropriate for instilling good morals and ways of thinking into Children.
If the majority of the nation is reacting and thinking a certain way then Society as a whole will shift in that direction. What I have observed is that there is a lot of complacency.
Standards and the way of living have lapsed into a state of chaos; News Headlines tell stories each day of how Societies morals are downwardly spiraling out of control.
As Adult, Peer, Parent, Government Official, Group Leader etc we need to 'walk the talk'; What Children see Adults, Peers, Parents, Government Officials, Group Leaders etc do they will do. Its a natural instinct in Children as they learn, they observe what goes on around them and begin to absorb it.
What is accepted by Society will eventually be practiced in some way in the home if it goes unchecked. If Society/ Government allow a little bit of knife crime; shootings; teenage pregnancy; and alcohol abuse (to name but a few of the unsocial activities on the increase)to seep into the 'norms' of society they begin to go unchecked.
The laws that are around are failing and are falling short of their purpose and services no backup to uphold and provide structure in moral policies/principals to govern our Children's behaviour, and encourage them to become all they can be enables bad habits to begin to be developed. And as a result some of what we are experiencing in todays 'headline news'(knife crime; shootings; teenage pregnancy; and alcohol abuse)is prevalent.
My conclusion is....Me and you are the solutions, it begins with all of us. If we are not part of the solution we are part of the problem - Individuals will often follow your footsteps rather than your advice.
The problem is clearly due to the general ethos of society - its rules, punishments and rewards. No one-particular cause can be pin-pointed, it's simply down to the gradual expansion of what we consider to be acceptable boundaries of freedom and behaviour. Youths, given the freedom to act however they choose, will attempt to act out their animal instincts by asserting their dominance and reproducing. It's not rocket science; the more you allow a child to take, the more he'll want.
However, valid though the argument of a firmer hand may be to a degree, to suggest that Jamaican-style rearing would stem the tide of social decline...well, I presume that'll be the same Jamaica which has an out-of-control gang culture and is home to a city with one of the highest murder rates in the world?
Hi Scott and thanks for your comments. Yes you rightly pointed out the terrible situation in Jamaica. But you must realise that the Jamaica that my parents grew up in and informed me from did not have these problems. There again it has been a case of letting things get out of hand and then try to stem the tide. Don't you think a harder line taken here and now will prevent things getting to the state they are overseas?
Hi Scott and thanks for your comments. Yes you rightly pointed out the terrible situation in Jamaica. But you must realise that the Jamaica that my parents grew up in and informed me from did not have these problems. There again it has been a case of letting things get out of hand and then try to stem the tide. Don't you think a harder line taken here and now will prevent things getting to the state they are overseas?
Hey Vernon, where are you?? Come back and blog soon!!
Hey Laura,
Thanks for that.
I'm still around.
Look out for a great blog soon.
Here's a clue - it will be about our 'favourite' adoptive mum.
What 'til you hear what I've got to say!
Check out my website too - www.GMAgency.co.uk
Blog soon!
Veron