July 2008 Archives

AN email dropped into my inbox recently with a huge KLANG.

I suppose you might describe it as a 'press release' as it was intended to make journalists in the games industry take note of a new development.

Now normally these are quite friendly affairs as obviously they are quite keen for you to get enthused and excited about a forthcoming release.

This, however, read like a shot across the bows of anyone who might try and pinch their idea.

It begins: "Today Ubisoft announced an edgy new survival-adventure intellectual property, I Am Alive™, that will be released on current generation video game consoles in spring 2009."

So it's a new INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY [my caps] then, is it? Not a game to divert a few hours - it's OURS so hands off!!!!

So what is this INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY™ then - what magnificent original idea is worth such preamble?

"When Chicago is left in ruins and the cause of the devastation is unknown, players will be challenged to think, react and take risks that will directly affect themselves and those around them."

Not at all like I am Legend, The Omega Man etc etc etc then. In games there are so many 'awake to discover' devastation plots I don't know where to start.

Below: Will Smith in I Am Legend - a plot not entirely dissimilar from the INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY™ that is I Am Alive™.

TORY Toff David Cameron has compared the fortunes of his party to the famous Tomb Raider computer games.

According to the old Etonian his party are at the point where they have completed the first level - "in political terms you have persuaded the voting public that you are a normal person who inhabits the same world that they do. Now you can move on to level two, where you can speak - and be listened to - about the issues that really matter".

Of course his words will have been taken by gamers around the country that it could mean he is admitting his party has produced a string of derivative policies aimed to cash in on the success of the past (Thatcher???....Churchill????).

After all the Tomb Raider games have been somewhat in decline in recent years - like, until now, the fortunes of the Conservative Party.

So why Tomb Raider? It could be a classic case of a politician trying to win the approval of a younger generation by showing he's 'hip' and 'street' - although in this case it strikes me as more like William Hague in a baseball cap.

I suppose it adds to the glamour of the party to be associated with a pixellated heroine with huge bangers.

Why not other computer heroes - what's wrong with Duke Nukem "Gonna tear Gordon Brown a new one", Max Payne for some double gun wielding Labour Party vanquishing or even Gordon Freeman of Half Life fame? (mind you perhaps not - silent stoicism isn't something policians admire.)

No, I know the real reason Cameron chose Lara Croft - she comes from a background he admires and indeed comes from himself.

Cameron has described his own background as "hideously privileged", went to the exclusive private school, Eton, and is a member of London's most traditional gentleman's club, Whites.

According to her (fictional) biography, Lady Lara Croft is an 11th generation Countess. The Croft family was granted the title and rights to Abbingdon, Surrey by King Edward VI in 1547. The Croft Estates are comprised of three separate manor houses, two of which are maintained by the National Trust, and the third is home to Lady Croft.

So now - just like the shadow cabinet - you have to be a toff, even a fictional one, to make it in Toryland.

Below - Cameron after completing the first level of Tomb Raider - he hasn't got to the Dinosaurs yet so he's in for a shock!

I see the new 3G iphone has come out in the shops to a host of supply problems.

Main supplier 02 has revealed that each of its stores will literally have a 'few dozen' of the handsets to sell.

This means a lot of people desperate to get their hands on the 3G enabled phones will be disappointed for some time.

Is this situation in any way related to the fact that 02 had thousands of onsold original iphone handsets left on their hands the last time?

Readers will recall that I blogged on this at the time, and railed at the mega-high price plus crippling monthly charges.

Would it be cynical to suggest that 02 might have decided it would be better to create a 'buzz', with headlines about shortages and keen consumers left empty handed?

After all it has become standard policy in the electronics industry. Every console launch is accompanies by shortage of supply with queues of parents trying to get it in time for Christmas.

Below: not coming to a store near you - the iphone 3G.

The latest windows XP update has been discovered to cause thousands of users to be cut off from the internet.

This is because it somehow causes a conflict with the third party firewall ZoneAlarm.

I myself carried out the update last night, and haven't since logged on - so when I get home tonight who knows if I'll be able to go online?

Anyway there is a solution posted by ZoneAlarm on their website so here you go!

It has to be said that it is not unreasonable to assume Microsoft might check their new security patch with one of the most widely used pieces of software on the web.

Edit: Yep it didn't work. I had to turn the slider down to 'medium' on the level of security to be allowed onto the internet so I could tackle it.

Incredible really - and how many people must have been left completely flummoxed by this? And how many who are non computer literate spent hours on the phone getting through to their internet provider trying to solve it?

Microsoft deserve a rocket for this one.

People who play online role playing games have often been accused of taking it all rather too seriously.

After all the famous Everquest is often referred to as Evercrack because of its addictive qualities.

Some of the games require colossal amounts of time - for example some people have been known to go into virtual forests and spend ten hours in a row chopping down trees to build up their strength by minuscule amounts.

Not to mention those who work as 'traders' in the games. They don't complete quests and biff baddies - they make leather armour and sell it to adventurers. For hour after hour after hour, no doubt getting awarm tingly feeling of being part of a community with their 'job' although to all intents and purposes it doesn't exist.

Mind you, it is possible to make money in the real world. Some experts take characters to high levels and then sell them - in some cases for thousands of pounds - a practice which was banned on ebay (in a rare example of them cracking down on a process which makes them money).

Now I've been contacted by Alexander Tigerström, a chap behind a website offering a community for those seriously addicted MMORPG-ers (massively multiplayer online role playing games for the uninitiated).

Avatars United has a strict ban on 'real life' content - meaning no discussing who you really are.

This means that all those 35 stone American men playing as a scantily clad elven woman warrior won't have their secret found out.

Alexander said: "It's has been built 100% by ourselves and basically works as Facebook for online alter egos (avatars) with no content from the physical world."

More reason to stay online and never have any dealings with the outside world then.

Below: In reality a 30 stone sweaty Yank man.

So you're sitting in an advertising meeting. You're a highly paid executive who has been employed because you always come up with the right idea.

You've got a new product to sell. Yes it's a snazzy mobile phone holder which sticks to the windscreen of the car.

What do you do - yes! I've got it - a woman pointing to her husband as he cleans the window (or maybe it's an Albanian asylum seeker who has swooped at the traffic lights with a squeegie bottle and sponge.) Customer: "I'll take ten please!".

Next after the success of your previous campaign you've got a huge budget to spunk - what do you do? That's right hire a 'hip' celebrity. I know - a rapper - Usher!

What next? Ah, just get him to hold the bloody thing and make 'gangsta' hand signs. No wait! Let's go for broke and get him holding TWO phones! That'll slay 'em:

Laptops are cool - people use them for social networking. Our ones are so cool young people would stand NEXT to each other socially networking on them instead of talking. Cool.

Finally what sells? Sex sells that's what! Get a lovely in her pants, stick a phone in her hand. Tell her: "Look Sexy." Wait for the orders to flood in. If not, a job on the Daily Star awaits.

I blogged recently about the new offering from nvidia, the £450 280gtx and how I was completely underwhelmed by the latest releases of computer components.

Perhaps I was feeling fatigued by the constant stream of slightly tweaked and overclocked graphics cards masquerading as the 'next big thing', but I couldn't get excited, even though the 280 is, in fact, very quick.

But now the situation has changed somewhat - and I actually feel myself becoming excited again by new releases.

The reason is that nvidia's competitor ATI has finally got its act together and released competitive cards at the right prices.

As the graph of frames per second at high resolution in current game Crysis shows, the £125 4850 card is the real jack in the box - just about as good as the 9800gtx which is more than £75 extra.

And the top of the range £200 4870 is in some tests better than the £250 nvidia 260 card. This leaves the 280 at the top of the pile - but let's face it, at a minimum of £400 who bar the most deranged tek head with no girlfriend, or, let's face it, life, will be able to afford it?

I almost feel myself catching the upgrade bug - the benefits of competition at long last!