Gordon: Prince Of Thieves

'It's understandable that people are angry'

The news today hit the streets of Britain where citizens took time out of window-shopping outside Marks and Spencer's to express outrages at the latest scandal of MPs expenses.

Not surprisingly many said that they were thinking of moving abroad.

They said that they had lost all faith in the government and, if they had the money, they would be off to make a new life in the Bahamas.

It has recently been reported that last year, nearly 50,000 Britons moved abroad, and it is said that nearly a third of people have the intention to do the same.

The amount of people wanting to become expats and swap Costa del Birmingham for somewhere more colourful is on the increase.

And there's little wonder why.

In a land where tea bags are the essential ingredient for any crisis, tutting at someone is how you express that you are absolutely livid, looking at your feet or reading a newspaper gives you the right to ignore whatever is happening in front of you, and queue-jumping is on par with treason; there are still people who can't help being a partisan and would rather stay in Britain and face the music.

Even if the music is the tinkling of your smashed car window, the screams of people running for their lives in the streets, or the sound of an MP running off with your last two pennies.

But no one actually starts the day by thinking "I'm completely happy, I have the perfect job and a huge salary. I'm moving to New Zealand."

You're more likely to say "I'm extremely unhappy. I hate my job. I have no money and there's nothing good on the telly. I'm moving to New Zealand."

Everyone's going to New Zealand. The other popular choices are Greece where they like to stand on the side of the pool and jump on your head while you're swimming, or throw a ball in your face - or to Florida where they don't swim; they shout and play volleyball.

While many Britons, especially pensioners, prepare to pick up sticks and look for warmer climates, a report from hotel-owners all over the world have said that when British people go abroad they're badly dressed - if at all, loud, untidy and binge drinkers.

Apparently, hotel managers don't appreciate it when the Brits get drunk, do the Macarena in the hotel reception at 2am, and then run off to spread chlamydia.

So that's the pensioners' retirement plans ruined.

But it's hardly surprising people are getting the urge, now more than ever, to move abroad. They're tired of crime, the weather, and the government.

There are two rules in life. Rule number 1: Never undertake Morris dancing. Rule number 2: Always show resentment towards the government.

While it's sometimes dismal to hear constant criticism of the government and of life, it's understandable that people are angry.

The government may have been glad that the swine flu issue dominated the headlines since they knew their revelation about their expenses were coming up - to take the limelight away from their spending habits and their new refurbishments.

There was a time when unjust theft would have got you a prison sentence. Today if you're an MP it gets you double glazing and a knighthood.

People have spent their lives working and saving only to be left with no savings and no pension.

Having once dreamed of world cruises with sunlight dancing over their rum punch when they retire, they'll now have to settle on Complan: shaken not stirred, and a self-catering trip to Butlins.

And the money they pay the government in taxes has gone to funding war, a new kitchen in their second homes, and a £7.4million advertising campaign showing you how to sneeze in a tissue.

So it's no surprise people want to move abroad; spend their days in the sun until their skin goes to leather. Because a nation will turn its back on a country and government, if their government has turned its back on them.