Motorcycle Diaries - Chapter Nine - Friday 15th May to Friday 22nd May

Oh my god, now when I started these articles I thought I would get to ride some pretty sweet bikes, and I had heard that the Rocket 3 was pretty much the most special of all of these...............and I can now state that yep......it darn well is!

Mike and the team at Pure Triumph actually let me out on this one for a weekend a month ago, but since then it has had a few nice extra touches added, like new cans, screen and some tweaking to THAT engine............mummy!

Lets starts with the name, I normally give each bike a female nickname that's suits its personality, but as I don't actually know any women as powerful as the Sun (apart from the Russian Shot Putter I once dated.......Ivana Snapyouinhalf) so I settled on the understated nickname of "Star Destroyer"...okay it sounds lame, but honestly, once you've ridden a Rocket you'll understand why!

So what is it about this fabled bike then? Well you might have noticed that it's a cruiser, and that it is, but it's not just any cruiser, it's pretty much the most powerful production vehicle in the world in a straight line, and my good does it look sweet.

Being someone that is more accustomed to the sleek lines of racers and Jap superbikes, this just screams testosterone to me with its massive amounts of chrome, the two headlight unit, the size of that huge 2300cc engine that pokes out of the frame and of course, what was once the biggest production back tyre in the world through which this bike tries to manipulate time.

Yes that's right, it's a time machine, I said it, Doctor Who would love one of these, because instead of a throttle it has a "Make the world Go Away" twisty thing, that when you decide to turn your wrist, stops time and simply pulls the horizon towards you.

That is the only way I can describe it, you don't ride on the tarmac, it rips it out and shoves it in some sort of space time bubble behind you, as oh my goodness, does this thing shift!!!

I love the look of this bike, it makes me want to get covered in oil (easy now) and start building things with my hands and making fire and hunting sabre tooth tigers etc......and even a young whipper snapper like me thought about an open face helmet with aviators..........because you just feel old school cool on it!

Right before I get carried away lets stop all the hyperbole and get down to the facts, firstly that absolute beast of an engine, yes its 2.3 litres big, yes it has 3 pistons ripped from the Dodge Viper supercar, and wow does it provide a hell of a lot of grunt.

This one in particular has an extra 50 bhp added to it, because the guys at Triumph decided the standard 140 wasn't enough, and it delivers it all within a 6,000 rpm rev range.

In other words it's got more punch than Rocky on steroids in a room full of beef, and when you let all that power and torque loose you had better hold on tight. When I picked up the Rocket 3 originally I spent the first 20 minutes literally stuck in traffic, not being able to move more than a foot at a time (It's a bit big and shiny to be filtering through traffic like say, on the Burgman), although I did have three cars actually stop to ask me what this beast was.....I kid you not.

Then suddenly I hit a bit of dual carriageway and decided to let rip in second gear...it snapped my head back like I had been hit by the Hulk........and that's when the maniacal laughter started.......and pretty much didn't stop for the whole week!!

Honestly I dare anyone to let rip on the throttle for the first time and not laugh like a fat kid presented with the keys to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory on a day when the Oompah Lumpahs are off. It's just crazy, there you are in a relaxed riding position, with your feet in the air and yet you're accelerating with the force of a small star exploding.

It's an amazing feeling, and it is weird to be travelling that fast when you're not in a fully down riding position, even more so when you consider how easy it is to chuck about. Sure at small speeds it's a big beast, and obviously it's not going to corner like a blade, but as long as you plan braking and turning in advance, you will love simply swinging this thing into a bend, knowing that you can "Unleash Hell" through the apex.

At times the torque is so extreme you actually feel like you are riding directly on the back tyre, on some kind of crazy rocket fuelled unicycle, but the good news is the brakes are up to the task of bringing you back down to earth, providing comforting stopping power even from warp speed 12, and the back brake allows for easy low speed manoeuvring.

The ride is what you would expect from a cruiser, with only the biggest pot holes managing to rattle the seat, which is huge, and very comfy, plus I had the added advantage of a back rest, which with my busted spine proved a very nice touch!

You're probably getting the feeling that I fell in love with the Rocket 3, and your right, yes it probably has a lot do with ego, and simply knowing that pretty much anything you ever meet on the road is not going to be able to keep up. I mean it, forget what you have ridden or driven before, this thing will eat up Hayabusa's and Lambo's for brekky, and it does it all with you looking about as cool as Han Solo in The Empire Strikes Back when he responds to Princess Leia's "I love you" simply with "I know!".

The wing mirrors are pretty much obsolete too, apart from when stopped, not because they aren't ample sized, they are, but because there is simply no point in looking in them, because even if you pull away as slow as you can from a set of lights, the traffic behind you will disappear quicker than the booze at the Kerrang Christmas party.

So is it only suited to motorway cruising? Well I have taken this thing absolutely everywhere, from nipping to the shops for some milk, to heading through rush hour Brum to visit mates, to hammering the big miles down to London on the M40, and it genuinely felt at ease doing them all.

Sure you don't want to be stuck in traffic too long with her, simply because you feel like you are caging a wild animal against its will, but if you are, at least you'll be comfy, and you will get a lot of people winding down their windows to ask you what the hell that thing is that's creating a localised earthquake.

Oh that's another thing, its loud, I mean when you look at it, you want it to make a sound that ends worlds, and that what it does, even with the standard cans this thing sounds like a Spitfire that's been upgraded with a nuclear warhead for an engine. It has two stages of noise, the first being the low down rumbling from the pistons that's capable of reducing buildings to rubble in seconds, the other is a strange sort of sci fi whoosh as you get to the top end of the rev range and it actually makes you feel like you're approaching the sound barrier!

It is going to get you a lot of attention wherever you go, and it suited the rock and roll world of the Kerrang car park, with pretty much everyone who saw it having to make some sort of "wow" comment, not a bad feat when these bands have some pretty tasty modes of transport themselves.

I may be having a mid life crisis too, but anywhere you turn up on this thing, you will just feel cool, as with the noise, power, chrome finishing and just general jaw dropping beauty, you cant help but be impressed. I can't quite put into words the feeling you get when you turn up somewhere on the Rocket, its just like nothing else, crowds will flock towards you as if you were giving away a miracle hair growth cream, men will want to be you and women will want to......nuff said!

For someone that has been riding ten years, and has had the opportunity to ride some flashy bikes, you would think the wow factor would have gone from simply getting on a bike.........but not with this thing. I can safely say that I did not have one journey where I didn't arrive with the biggest, stupidest grin on my face.

Although prepare to be ostracized by your friends, not just because they will be jealous, but also because you wont stop going on about how much fun it is, well that's what I found anyway, this thing literally took over my life for a week, and that's what motorbikes are for if you ask me.

The gear change I think sums up what this bike is all about, it's not exactly light and delicate, but that's because of the amount of power that has to be put through it, and it always goes into the next cog with a satisfying clunk, and you feel proud to be riding a British bike like this. It's not got any fancy gizmos or widgets, and it doesn't feel anywhere near as refined as a Japanese superbike, but that's where its strongest appeal lies to me.

I think the appeal of this bike is that it is like a big Yank Muscle car, it has solid engineering at its roots, but its not about finesse, its not about computer management systems, its all about showing what is physically possible to achieve.

Its like an engineer woke up one night and thought, what would be the most insane bike I could build, then multiplying that by 10, Kudos should go to Triumph for just letting this incredible piece of work to see the light of day.

It truly stirs up some primordial instinct within that made me feel more alive than I have ever before.........and that's one hell of a statement.

This bike is at the pinnacle of the cruiser curve, it is a showcase for what can be done on two wheels, think of it as the biking worlds Concorde, something so extreme it is a true feat of engineering brilliance, and of course slightly mad!!!

Its not a tuned and nimble Ferrari, but more like some sort of Doomsday machine which you simply point where you want to go, pull the trigger and hang on to the handlebars laughing your head off!

Its simple, I am sure I will ride better bikes, I am sure I will ride faster and sexier bikes, but a bike is like finding your future spouse, you need to find your soul mate, and I have found mine buried beneath a whole world of chrome and torque!

The problem I have now is simply a sense of under-awe about any other bike I would jump on next, a common emotion for Rocket riders, but luckily I have something rather special lined up, the brand new Suzuki GSXR 1000, my first BIG superbike, and from the ride home I just took..........oh my goodness it could even top the Rocket!

I'll have the full review of this very special bike next week, until then my amigos, I reckon I might head back out on the Rocket for one last bash of world destroying, maniacal laughter inducing fun!!!