Recently by Graham Young

LEGENDARY filmmaker Woody Allen has lost the plot.

Either that or he's really, really lost his touch with new movie Cassandra's Dream.

Even if we were to charitably accept that its plot must have looked good on paper to every star who signed on the dotted line, I discovered at a preview screening today that he's still delivered a whopping turkey seven months early.

Until you see it for yourself, you just couldn't believe how bad this is considering the cast includes Ewan McGregor, Colin Farrell and Tom Wilkinson.

See for yourself after the 'thriller' goes on general release on Friday, May 23 when I'll be reviewing it in the Birmingham Mail.

Cassandra's Dream will be opening like a limited edition flea circus compared with the mammoth worldwide release of Steven Spieberg's Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

The idea there, of course, is to give those who don't want to watch a blockbuster a more arty alternative.

It's art all right. But probably not in the way that the now 72-year-old Woody intended.

THE LA TIMES is today reporting that Leonardo DiCaprio might play Ian Fleming, the London-born creator of James Bond.

DiCaprio likes his biopics, having already starred as Frank Abagnale Jr (Catch Me If You Can) and Howard Hughes (The Aviator), with Theodore Roosevelt set to follow in Martin Scorsese's The Rise of Theodore Roosevelt (2009).

But there's a problem here.

The 33-year-old DiCaprio might already be involved in seven other movies in the next two years.

And, as we all know, Hollywood likes to market everything to the nth degree (see current release What Happens in Vegas, on second thoughts don't bother).

So is the centenary of Fleming's birth on May 28 this year a vague green light for any biopic - or will it turn into a lost opportunity?

IINDIANA JONES AND THE KINGDOM OF THE CRYSTAL SKULL was classified by the BBFC on Tuesday last week, May 6.

Steven Spielberg's latest film will run to 122 minutes and 20 seconds when it opens next week on May 22 and have a 12A certificate.

This means parents will have to guess whether it is suitable for their children under this age.

Or you can read our review in the Birmingham Mail on Friday 23 to be on the safe side.

The consumer advice is that it has been 'passed with no cuts made' and 'contains moderate action violence and scary scenes'.

Not to mention Harrision Ford's creaking knees which will be 66 years old on July 13!

Fans of the existing trilogy struggling to contain themselves might want to amuse themselves in the meantime by coming up with anagrams, either for The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

ANYONE struggling to get to sleep during the current warm spell will find help at hand tonight from 11pm on Film4 (Freeview 32, Sky 315, Virgin TV 444).

Nicole Kidman stars in Dogville, directed by Lars von Trier.

Some people think this is a good film, but the average punter who sits down to watch it will be in danger of swallowing moths long before midnight.

If you are still awake when the clock chimes don't worry.

Given that the next film doesn't start till 2.20am there's plenty of time for Dogville to knock you out.

Happy kipping!

HAPPY birthday to former Neighbours' star Holly Vallance - 25 today!

She has recently been starring with Liam Neeson and former Bond girl Famke Janssen in a new movie called Taken.

It's about a former spy who has to use his old skills to try to rescue his estranged daughter.

Co-written by Luc Besson (Leon) it's due out here on September 19.

I DON'T know. You wait four months and a week for a warm weekend in the New Year and the Wachowski Bros (The Matrix trilogy) only go and release a film that's 135 minutes long.

The talented but over-the-top directors could have been halfway through making another movie by now if they'd kept it to a more sensible 90 minutes.

The hotter the weather, the longer - and slower - Speed Racer will seem.

It will play best to eight to ten-year-old boys. Had the film been kept short, children would have had time to see the film and to enjoy this weekend's sunshine, too.

I can't face seeing it ever again, so my youngsters will only get to see it if my wife volunteers to take 'em.

Since she still hasn't seen 27 Dresses or Mike Leigh's Happy-Go-Lucky (both of which women everywhere should love), our children will have to form an orderly queue.

And hope it lasts for quite a while at the IMAX which is the best place in town to see it.

JUST when jazz star Kyle Eastwood is about to roll up in Birmingham ready to play a gig at The Hare & Hounds in Kings Heath on Tuesday, May 13 his famous father is about to take centre stage on satellite TV.

As if it was meant to be the perfect promotion all along, Sky Movies Premiere will be screening Clint Eastwood's last two movies back to back this weekend.

Flags of Our Fathers (Saturday and Sunday, Sky Movies Premiere, 9.35pm) will be followed by Letters from Iwo Jima (11.50pm).

Kyle contributed to the soundtrack of the first film and wrote the score for the second (he's also scored Changeling which Clint will release in November with Angelina Jolie in the title role).

Both movies tell the story of the famous WWII battle from different perspectives, and it's the Japaenese angle taken by the amazing second film which is the more moving and accomplished film.

Flags won two Oscar nominations, for sound mixing and sound editing.

Letters won an Oscar for best sound editing as well as nominations for directing, picture and original screenplay.

Don't miss my interview with Kyle talking about Clint in today's Birmingham Mail.

* TICKETS for Kyle's gig at The Hare & Hounds are just £6... 1970s' prices!

ANYONE who loves a bargain really shouldn't miss their Birmingham Mail on Friday, May 9.

Our What's On section will have some terrific news about the imminent economic benefits of being a member of our very own Birmingham Mail Film Club.

We really can save you pounds galore on your cinemagoing so remember to read Friday's paper to learn more.

All this, plus interviews with Clint Eastwood's Birmingham-bound son Kyle Eastwood and the Birmingham-born star of Doomsday, Adrian Lester.

And there'll be our reviews of Speed Racer, What Happens in Vegas and Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?

The Birmingham Mail. If you want to go out in style, don't go home without it!

JUST working on an interesting chat I had with Adrian Lester, the Birmingham-born actor who went off to tour the world as Hamlet.

The star of Primary Colors alongside John Travolta, Kathy Bates, Larry Hagman and Emma Thompson is in Doomsday which opens tomorrow.

But where is his career going to take the Hustle star next?

And what little thing does he really, really want to to do in Birmingham?

Find out in tomorrow's Birmingham Mail when our regular Friday What's On section will have lots of ideas for things to see and do over the weekend.

PS. Today's dawn chorus is fantastic. The city's birds are signing their little hearts out as I type!

THE Wachowski Brothers are back!

The two Chicago-born siblings who got so carried away with The Matrix Trilogy that some of us thought it would never end, have finally directed their first film in five years.

But, since Speed Racer (PG) is aimed at children aged from about eight to ten, why have they let it run to 135 minutes?

And is it any good?

Having literally just put the finishing touches to my review, find out about all this and more in the bumper What's On section of Friday's Birmingham Mail where our big verdict will have pride of place in the centre spread.

I'll be explaining everything, dishing out the all-important star ratings and revealing which of the city's cinemas will be the very best place to go ready to gorge on its extraordinary effects.