DON'T DO IT, GIRLS!
MICHAEL Douglas is back in the movies with new movie Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.
He plays a ghostly uncle who tries to teach Matthew McConaughey the error of his ways as if he's been created by Charles Dickens.
But if there are any lasses out there who think this will be a romantic alternative to X-Men or Star Trek, don't bank on it...
Quite what made him sign up for this latest tosh is anyone's guess.
He'd already bombed in The Ghost and the Darkness back in 1996, so 'Ghosts and The Douglas' are now proven to be a very bad fit...
What makes these flops frustrating is that he's still a great actor, working the screen with breathtaking ease.
Douglas shares with Laurence Olivier the rare distinction for having a best actor Oscar as well as one for best picture, too.
Oliver Stone is looking to do a sequel to Wall Street called Money Never Sleeps, with Douglas reprising his award-winning role as Gordon Gekko.
That's more like it!
Perhaps our still unelected-by-the-public prime minister Gordon Brown will make a cameo appearance as Gordon Decko, lying down on the pavement with financial stars spinning round his head.
Meanwhile, Douglas now looks unbelievably as if his old man, Kirk, has found the ultimate life-renewing plastic surgeon.
Joking aside, as the result of a serious injury which put his acting career on hold at the start of the 80s, Douglas is actually recovering from having an artificial knee fitted.
With Welsh wife Catherine Zeta-Jones still only 39, you can bet he'll be exercising it properly again very soon in time for her 40th and his 65th on September 25 this year.
What a party that promises to be!
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Graham Young
