APPALOOSA - THIS WESTERN AIN'T THE BEST 'UN

WE DON'T get many Westerns these days so when one does come around with an all-star cast like this one then it's something of a must-see.

It also means that the people making it might be a little rusty.

Unattractively named after a little town and based on a novel by Robert B Parker, Appaloosa ticks each of the above boxes.

In other words, you really want to be blown away by it but are quite likely to reach the end credits a shade underwhelmed.

Having debut directed himself to an Oscar nomination in the little seen Pollock (2000), Ed Harris returns to both sides of the camera for the first time since with a script he also co-wrote himself.

In 1882, the small New Mexico mining community of Appaloosa is being controlled by no-nonsense rancher Randall Bragg (Jeremy Irons) who doesn't mind topping the local sheriff.

With local businessmen (including an underused Timothy Spall) fearing things can only get worse, they hire city marshal Virgil Cole (Harris) and his partner Everett Hitch (Viggo Mortensen) to sort Bragg out.

For the first half an hour, all is well.

It's great just to hear horses' hooves again and all of the other sounds which make westerns a treat for the ears which no other genre can match.

And there's some terrific cinematography thanks to Dances With Wolves' Oscar-winning Dean Semler doing a proper film instead of messing about on the likes of Nutty Professor II and I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry.

Somewhat improbably, Harris delivers one gag about buttons which is the funniest scene I've seen all year.

But then he seems to forget that his city marshal character Virgil Cole can be funny.

And he doesn't have much of an idea about creating real tension at gunpoint either.

Nor, indeed, how to mastermind a spellbinding shootout of the kind that Dances With Wolves' star Kevin Costner was still capable of with the splendid Open Range five years ago.

Appaloosa's big problem is Renee Zellweger, who turns up as a mysterious young widow called Allison French.

Virgil Cole acknowledges that she seems to have a lot more talents than your average 'whore', but her unconvincing contradiction is that she doesn't seem bothered about switching male allegiances when it suits.

And, after undeservedly winning a best supporting actress Oscar for Cold Mountain four years ago, I never want to see Ms Zellweger in a film like this again.

Appaloosa's tagline is 'feelings get you killed', but Harris the director never gets beyond simmering point when the action really needs to eventually reach boiling point.

His relationship with co-star Viggo Mortensen (so brilliant in Eastern Promises last autumn) doesn't develop beyond its early promise.

Lopping 20 minutes out of the 115 minute running time might also have helped to make this more than just a pleasant trip down the sort of dusty tracks which once belonged to the likes of John Wayne and Clint Eastwood.

Even a star as capable as Oscar-winning Jeremy Irons comes out with no more credit here than he did with The Man in the Iron Mask a decade ago.

Methinks he probably just wanted to act out a fantasy.

And you can't blame him for that. Wouldn't we all?

In fact, when I was a kid, the only time I ever wrote to Jimmy Savile was to ask if I could be 'shot' by Clint Eastwood.

Website: www.welcometoappaloosa.com