February 2009 Archives

As I sit here writing my Blog in glorious Spring sunshine it is is hard to believe that last week we were in the grips of snow.

My aromatherapist Ann struggled to get to us from Sutton Coldfield to spend a day at our home giving treatments and my ex Macmillan nurse Sue and her partner Pete braved the elements to come to dinner last week which was great.. It doesn't feel right to say "ex" because although she retired last year she is still very involved with my cancer journey and is always on hand to give advice. I do have a lovely new nurse called Louise and I know when the time comes she will give me all the wonderful support that Macmillan nurses specialise in.

I never quite get away without at least one visit to a hospital and this week it was Mr. Ramos who removed my "enlarged toe joints" which sounds much better than "bunions" this time last year - how time flies. I gave an interview at the time for the Birmingham Mail because I had agreed to enter the Macmillan Birmingham Fun Run only 10 weeks after the operation which I am not sure was a foolish or a brave decision. The headline read "Brave Angela defies cancer - and bunions....." No good for my image, but all for a good cause and when I lined up for the run - or in my case "the hobble" with my friend Debbie I felt great that I had made it.

Talking of time flying it is 3 years this month that my dear Mom died and I still find it hard when I see all the Mothers' Day cards in the shops. My friend invited me to her church at Barston when my Mom was so ill. I always say that the first time I walked down the path past the clusters of snowdrops in the churchyard and entered through the old oak door of the church, I felt I had come home. The people were so welcoming and friendly and when I went last Sunday I still felt that same lovely warm glow I experienced the first time. My faith certainly helps me through the tough times on my journey with cancer.

On the night Debbie and I went to see Elaine Paige at the Symphony Hall - my birthday treat to Debs and yes I was lucky enough to share it.The show was wonderful and Elaine Paige is an amazing performer. After a hearty English breakfast next day Debs left my house for home in the New Forest and I went to do a photo shoot for Macmillan at the BBC. I always love going back to where I spent such a happy 37 years of my career although I left when the BBC was at Pebble Mill, I never made it to the Mail Box.

Pictures were taken of a great guy called Gurcharan, Steve Dourass, Joanne Malin, and me. When we were introduced she said "I know you, I did a test interview with you down the 'phone and you were in your kitchen". She said "because of that interview I got the job at the BBC so I have you to thank for my career."

I was so thrilled and I do remember that interview I thought it was going out live and I was disappointed to find it wasn't, but how lovely to find out all this time later that I played a small part in helping Joanne's career. I even managed to achieve another goal that day. Gurcharan who was a very colourful character, had bought his Dhol drum with him - hope I've spelt this right. He and hundreds more Dhol drummers are hoping to set a World Record on the 2nd May in Centenary Square, Birmingham and all the money raised will be split between 3 charities of which Macmillan is one.I love the drums and have always wanted to play them so when he asked me to have a go on his dhol drum what a treat, another goal to tick of the list!.

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One day last week a lady called Monica who I had met when I went to the preview of the Macmillan film a few weeks ago rang to ask if she could come and talk to me. She is writing a play about 5 ladies who have different cancers, one being ovarian cancer. She wanted to talk to me to learn about my story and my my experiences. I had a great time telling her the funny things that happened to me as well as the sad. We got on like a house on fire and 4 hours later she left with enough material to write a book. How exciting to be involved in her play, I look forward to seeing it when it is performed this September at the Solihull Arts Theatre

All this aside it was Valentine's Day this week and I am an incurable romantic so I was spoiled by John with a present, red roses and an excellent romantic meal at The Oak restaurant in Hockley Heath, Solihull.

To return the compliment, and as a "double Valentine treat" I took John to Fawsley Hall in Northants. We first came across it 9 years ago when we went to a wedding there - a beautiful Elizabethan Manor House in lovely grounds. As we set off in the sunshine with the hood down on the sports car I worried that it might have changed or gone down hill. When we arrived it was still as special, the service and the hotel itself was wonderful and in this rapidly changing world of ours how lovely to know that some places still retain all the qualities that once made England great.

After a busy morning in Coventry sorting out the Cancer Course, what better way to end the day than with a session of reflexology which has always been one of my tools in my fight with cancer.I met Lynn over 8 years ago when I first went to her for a reflexology session knowing absolutely nothing about it, I felt so ill and the medical profession didn't seem to know what was wrong with me so I was prepared to try anything. I mentioned in a previous blog that Lynn asked me if I had trouble with my ovaries and lungs and I replied no. Each time I went she asked the same question. Six months later I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer that had spread to the lung. I was amazed that this was picked up by a reflexologist but not a doctor and my faith in certain complimentary therapies started from that day.

While I was in hospital having major surgery 8 years ago, Lynn used to come and precariously perch on the end of my pressure relief mattress as it moved up and down to relieve my bed sores. She worked on my feet to help calm me and ease the pain. I was terrified of the operation as the outlook was so grim, but she came the night before and gave me reflexologyy and I went down for my operation the next morning feeling that a great calm had replaced the terror of the night before

We are still great friends, we laugh through our reflexology sessions and enjoy fun evenings together with our partners, but I will never forget the care and kindness she showed me in those early dark days of cancer. For my birthday she treated me to a day's photographic course at Westonbirt Arboretum. I love being given experiences and I also love giving them to other people for their birthdays. Best part is that you can share it with them and this photo is my attempt to catch a spontaneous action shot of Lynn.

Toothache obviously doesn't respond to reflexology because I have had it for 2 weeks and it was still there when I went to my dentist the next day. I have been to Nigel since my twenties and never once has he inflicted any pain despite major dentistry. He says I have pulpitis - never heard of it, but trust me to get it! One kind is reversible and one irriversible and he thinks I have the latter. Only time and antibiotics will tell, but mind over matter - I'm going to will it away!"

On Sunday, John and I drove to Cheshire to have lunch with 2 very dear friends.It seemed a long way for Sunday lunch but well worth it. On the way home travelling down the M6, swirls of snow enveloped the car and England was about to be covered by a blanket of snow that looked beautiful but caused havoc for many days to come.

The next day I seemed to be the only person on the road as I set out in the virgin snow to find my new osteopath who would hopefully help to get my back pain sorted.

Not only was he very professional, he was also very attractive with a good sense of humour which always helps when he is contorting and pulling your body every which way hoping for a crunch or a pop! When I staggered to reception to pay for this torture he kissed an attractive blonde lady."What do you have to do for that? I asked her. "Be his wife" was the swift reply. That told me!

Amazingly after a couple of treatments the pain in my back has definitely improved and I look forward to going back for more.

The next day I was due to go to the Penny Bron Cancer Care Centre in Bristol, as I had been asked if I would like to become a Trustee. I was deeply honoured, it is such a wonderful place to be and the first time I went to stay 7 years ago, it's home was a beautiful old convent in Clifton, Now it is housed in an old hospital which has been sympathetically and luxuriously renovated. I came home feeling hope for the first time because no one had given me any hope. I also came back with new methods and ideas to beat this cancer.It certainly changed my life.

Unfortunately that day the snow was falling heavier, motorists were stranded and the warning was "Don't go out unless really necessary". I hate letting people down or giving up, but I had already had one nightmare journey of a different sort that week, so perhaps it was sensible to listen to my husband and stay at home and feed the birds who are so desperate for our help in this extreme weather, but a little bit of me felt "a wimp!"

Amazingly, being at home that day meant that I took a phone call from a lady called Niku of the Solihull Community Housing for Disability.She asked if I would I come to do a talk next Monday on my journey with cancer and the disabilities it causes. Yes my diary was free, I would be delighted.

Problem was my week was so busy, there was no time to think of what to say. When I give a speech on cancer although the core is the same, I do always write a new one to suit the people who are there and to update it. John always thinks that I go to far too much trouble as I am beavering away in his study, but I really care that I make it interesting and hopefully inspirational for the people who have bothered to come.

Sunday afternoon arrived and I was about to go under the MRI Scanner at Heartlands Hospital. The staff were so kind, but I am claustrophobic so how was I going to stay under there for an hour without panicking. Easy, I decided I was going to write my speech in my head whilst in the Scanner. So with eyes tightly closed all the thoughts just kept flowing into my mind and my speech was completed by the time they wheeled me out and I'd never noticed a thing. Apparently I was so still they completed the scan in half the time and I couldn't wait to get home to put all my thoughts down on paper.The next day my talk went so well that it is obvious that I need to pop under an MRI scanner each time I need the inspiration for a new speech!

John and I had a long standing dinner date with our friends Kay and Brian. Problem was John had double booked with a Rotary Burns Night and so I found myself having to go solo to their dinner party.That didn't trouble me too much as I love meeting new people, but when I discovered the M42 was closed and John had programmed a completely unknown route for me on his TomTom, that did bother me. I found myself travelling down dark country lanes not knowing where or when I was going to come onto a lit road. When I finally arrived at Kay's warm welcoming house, the other ladies there said that they would never consider doing a journey like that, but at least I could go home via the M42 I thought.

After a really great evening at 12.30am I headed for the M42 only to find that it was closed going South. My only way home was back down those horrible dark country lanes. I hadn't used a TomTom before and none of us at the dinner table could turn the thing off so when I finally got back on the route home as soon as I hit the blackness my TomTom stopped working and now I was on my own trying to remember where to turn down those dark unfamiliar lanes to reach home. An hour later I arrived completely wrecked from the experience only for John to say lovingly from his warm bed "It's good experience for you" Grrr, do any of you ladies out there agree with him?

I got my stress and anger out of my system in my Tai Chi session and a yoga class restored my inner calm. I am amazed how they can really help both your physical and emotional well being.

John and I went to catch "The Reader" at the Stratford upon Avon Cinema.It was an old,small, intimate cinema and it was like going back in time as we queued up the stairs waiting for the cashier to sell us our tickets and our sweeties.I enjoyed it so much more than these large impersonal multi screened complexes and the film was excellent.

The next day I was heading for the centre of Coventry with Mike, my co tutor on The Living with Cancer Course we are teaching at the Coventry Central Hall starting the 24th February for 6 weeks. We had gone to do a recce and an interview for the Coventry Telegraph. The venue is great, right in the centre of Coventry and I am sure the course will help those who have signed up to be able to live better lives with cancer and also to take control of their lives again. Your life is shattered when you are first told you have cancer and. I wish there had been a course like this when I was first diagnosed and struggled to find ways of coping with the disease.We become like a close knit family over the weeks and I gain so much reward from seeing people change and blossom and have hope again.I almost forget when I am helping people on the course that I too am a cancer patient.

As I mentioned I have really been suffering with chronic pain in in my back over the last 3 months, but, thanks to the X Ray I now know what is wrong and once I know what the problem is I always tackle it head on, so sorting this out was my next challenge.Fifteen years ago I incurred a serious head injury that left me with real problems and after 12 months, the specialist said this was the best I would be and that no more could be done for me. That was like red rag to a bull to me, he might have given up on me but I hadn't.

In desperation I went to see an osteopath who turned my life round and helped me to return to normal. I have never forgotten that marvellous gentleman, especially the time he left me on a machine while he went to tend to another patient. I fell asleep and when I woke up an hour later it was pitch black and all I could see was the ghostly outline of the skeleton he kept in the room - what a shock! I quickly dressed and went into the hall of his house and called him. To my surprise all was in darkness and no one replied, so I let myself out leaving him a note. The next day my osteopath rang mortified that he had forgotten me and gone to the pictures.This can only happen to you my friends said! but not put off of by this experience I have found another osteopath who will hopefully work the same miracle for my back but without the skeleton I hope!.

In the meantime a lovely yoga session helped to ease those aching bones followed by a trip to Malvern with our friends Jean and Ray to see the very moving film "The Changeling".

The next day I was up bright and early to go to "a film premiere" of another moving little film called "Waiting in Rhyme" It has been produced here in the Midlands and the proceeds are going to Macmillan Cancer Support.The writers, producer and the press were there for the preview in Birmingham and well known actors and actresses gave their time to help this worthwhile organisation and the result is both funny and moving. I could relate completely with Les Dennis who brilliantly plays the part of a man who has just been diagnosed with cancer and feels life is over for him, then he turns it around and decides he has much to live for and this will not beat him. I also had that defining moment when in the depth of despair I decided life was much too precious to give up without a fight. That is such a powerful decision, because you are taking back the control of your own life.

At the end I found myself raising my hand and saying it was brilliant how they had got it spot on and that was exactly how it was for me. At the end the writer came over to thank me for saying that and I found myself doing an impromptu interview for a local radio show and a local newspaper. I am sure I would never have had the confidence to have spoken up years ago, but if you have a voice you must use it.

I left the reception in full flow as I had a lunch date at The Mail Box with my old friends from the BBC. At the end of the day, as I sat on the train going home I thought life is an adventure and you never know any day what is going to happen. Some are good, some are bad, but this felt like a particularly good day and I couldn't wait to recount it to my beloved back home.