January 2009 Archives

On Monday last week I saw my first snowdrop popping up through the frosty soil in our garden and my heart lifted.

In 2002 while recovering from the effects of my first chemo John and I were at a wedding up in Yorkshire and we visited Skipton Castle. They were selling bunches of snowdrops which I bought and planted in my garden thinking "I' will never see these next year due to my terrible prognosis.Well 7 years on my snowdrops have multiplied and I still get such a thrill when I see them for the first time, knowing that however bad the news from the surgeons and oncologists, never ever give up hope because that is all that we cancer patients have and even in seemingly hopeless cases miracles do occur.

Talking of miracles despite my new found Tai Chi class which I love I managed to finish my talk I was giving for the Dorridge W.I. on my life at the BBC that night.When giving speeches whether it be on my journey with cancer or my adventures at the BBC I always write them afresh. I hunted in the loft for my BBC memorabIlia and photos and all the memories of 37 wonderful years there came flooding back.

I knew that my back x ray results were available, but I didn't want to hear today just in case it's bad news and spoil my talk so I would ring tomorrow.

I had a great welcome at Dorridge Methodist Church Hall and to my amazement a lady called Muriel who worked in the office above mine when I first joined the BBC was there. Good job I tell the truth I thought as I related many stories and experiences and the amazing people I had met and worked with. At the end you always feel on a high that you have made people laugh and sometimes moved them to tears. Any money I make from my talks goes to Macmillan as my way of giving back something for my amazing Macmillan nurse Sue who supported and guided me through my journey with cancer.We became great friends and I always said I hope I died before she retired and she said she hoped it would be the other way. Well as usual she got her way and even though she retired last April she is still keeping an eye on me and always will.

The next day I rang up about the x ray on my back feeling very nervous. My doctor said that there was no cancer, but I had a curvature of the spine and chronic degenration of the discs and bones and arthritis. "Thank you I am so pleased" I replied This must sound crazy especially as I have always been so active and sporty, but it definitely beats being told you have cancer in your spine. My husband thinks it's my age but I won't accept that, what I do know is that chemo and the steroids they give you can damage the bones
but it's a small price to pay for the miracle of being alive!

Friday 9th is my first day at the University Hospitals of Coventry and Warwick to see my old oncolgist who left to go to Coventry and now I have followed him because I have great trust in him and that is so important to a cancer patient.

My friend Sandra had an appointment half an hour before mine and rang to say there was a serious 3 car/lorry pile up on the M6 and traffic was at a standstill. Not a good start, but we were able to find a route through Coventry and as we arrived at this splendid "state of the art" new hospital, the air ambulance was landing on the helicopter pad with injured victims from the crash. What a difference sitting in the light airy glass domed waiting area with gaily coloured chairs and Costa Coffee to the old City Hospital in Birmingham. Nevertheless it makes no difference to the nervousness I feel waiting to be called, but Professor Poole seemed relaxed about me and said that he would scan me in a further 3 months - yes, another reprieve!! provided the bone scan was fine and my CA125, which is a blood test for ovarian cancer, was ok. He said ovarian cancer rarely goes into the bones and he had only seen it once - " but you could always be the 2nd one!" he said - great!! I had my blood taken and drove home thrilled that we could make plans and I could ring anxious family and friends with good news, especially my sons Justin and Jonathan, who support me 100% with their care and love.

Then, when we walked through the door, the phone was ringing and my Doctor said my bone scan showed hot spots on the spine which could be tumours, arthritis or degeneration and an urgent x ray was required. Here we go again I thought, so what's my answer to this worry and uncertainty? .... I went to the Birmingham Rep to see "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe" where all my worries were forgotten for a few magical hours.

On the weekend, we had an 18th party to go to, which makes a change from all the 60th and 65th parties we seem to attend! Although of course it's my age group, I guess I still feel like that young girl inside. Sadly while on the dance floor, my bones did not obviously feel the same, so on Monday, I joined a Tai Chi class which I really enjoyed. I then went to the gym followed with swimming in the afternoon. I might just have overdone it with my enthusiasm because I seemed to ache even more the next day, but help was at hand in the shape of my aromatherapist Ann who comes to our house once a month. How welcome she was as she worked wonders with her oils.

I met my friend and old co- tutor Maureen in Birmingham the next day. She lives near Northampton and we worked together on the first "Living with Cancer" courses which we gave in Birmingham in 2007 for Macmillan. She has Non Hodgkins Lymphoma and like me, uses laughter, positive thinking and a joy of life to help her through. We are both working with different tutors this year, but both agree we would love to work together again one day. After much laughter we said our goodbyes and off I went yet again to hospital that evening to have my back X ray in Solihull. They work till 8pm now and I guess it is to help with the backlog, but I was so impressed to be seen within 3 days. When I was first diagnosed I would wait a minimum of 4 weeks for x-rays and scans and the stress was dreadful, so I have definitely seen a change for the better for cancer patients in these last 7 years. Long may it continue.

The next day I had bad news, my blood test revealed that my cancer level had jumped up considerably. Perhaps I am the 2nd person to have ovarian cancer in my bones as Professor Poole joked. It is like living on the edge all the time, so once again I must start chasing for the results of my X ray so that I know what I am dealing with.

In the meantime life goes on. John and I had an appointment at Bonhams Auctioneers in Knowle with some pieces from my Father's flat. As I laid everything out I thought perhaps we should really be at a car boot sale, but no, the valuer/auctioneer was genuinely interested. Some of the items were from the 18th and 19thC. The awful orange vase which I had always hated since childhood was a collector's item and the tired looking teddy bear with its humped back and button eyes could be a Steiff and they would send him down to London for valuation. I was fascinated and I shall look at the the old memorabilia stored in our loft with different eyes!

My week ended on a high note - Sunday lunch at the Howards Arms at Ilmington with my oldest friends who I grew up with and their partners. We have shared life's' "Ups and Downs" for 60 years and always will.

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After a really fantastic time in Toronto John and I spent 7 hours sitting and waiting in Toronto Airport for our plane back to Newark. The sun was shining, the snow was clearing so no problems we thought. Wrong! high winds were preventing the planes which were little 50 seaters from taking off. Our flight home to England was leaving at 7pm and when we finally boarded a plane at 5.30pm we thought the 1hour trip might just make it, if not the threat of sleeping in Newark Airport was becoming a reality again.We landed on time but maintenance didn't bring the steps for 15 minutes and as we all waited stifling on the plane with no air conditioning frustration and despair set in - we had no chance! Finally we were free and we ran like we have never run before and arrived at the boarding gate hot and dishevelled at 7pm sure that we would find it empty. I truly believe that someone up there is looking after me because the plane was delayed by 15 minutes and so we caught it and were homeward bound to England at last.

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I had thoroughly enjoyed the festivities of Xmas and on the night we returned John and I opened all our Xmas presents that we had left under the tree and it felt like Xmas all over again, but now it was "back to reality".

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I had 2 hospital visits that week the first was on New Year's Eve when I went to have a bone scan at Heartlands Hospital. Chemo and steroids had caused problems with my bones and I had been having pains down the spine for some time. As you have probably gathered if you have been watching my video diaries of my journey with chemo, I try not to let these things affect my life, but when you are a cancer patient you can't afford to take risks so my doctor sent me for a scan.

The department had been completely revamped and had a brand new scanner. We are so lucky to have access to excellent hospital facilities here in Solihull and Birmingham.. A friend's grandchild has to travel 4 hours to her nearest hospital to have regular kidney dialysis where she lives in England.

I was greeted by the team of Matt and Julia and they were so friendly and kind. This makes all the difference to your hospital experience. I was injected with a radio active dye and sent away for 4 hours, so I popped to see my brother John who kindly house and cat sat for us. He announced he was going back to Australia at the end of the week to catch some sun and I can't blame him. When I returned to hospital I went through the new scanner which completed the job in less than half the time of the old one - such is progress and after wishing each other cheery "Happy New Years" I went home to prepare to enjoy our New year with our friends Jean and Ray who cooked us a lovely hot curry and we toasted in the New Year full of hopes and dreams for a better life and a better world.

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I was due to see Professor Poole, my oncologist at University Hospital Coventry and Warwickshire on Friday, 2nd January to see if he thought I should start chemo again. This is a new hospital for me but my oncologist left City Hospital to have a baby and I have great faith in Professor Poole so I transferred so I could be under him - so to speak! I had a phone call to say it was cancelled so I am now going tomorrow and I am just as nervous as ever.

Tonight is the start of our Solihull Cancer Support Group and our speaker is Mr. Budhoo who is a colorectal surgeon. He saved my Mom's life several years ago when he diagnosed her with bowel cancer when everyone else in the medical profession had missed it. He has also helped me over the last year, so it will be a privligege to hear him speak. The speakers are always fascinating - never depressing and I always learn so much and the people who support it are so jolly and friendly and we would really welcome new faces.

The joy of being on holiday for a cancer patient is that you can actually forget that you have cancer, no one knows your problems and you can live normally. That is a tonic in itself.
My friend Sandra, who has ovarian cancer like myself has just finished chemo and is off for a well earned holiday in South Africa next week. She and her husband Alan are coming to our house on Sunday for drinks so we can show them all the places we went to and give them some tips, I know it will make me want to go back again, but in the meantime let's see what tomorrow brings.

P.S. You probably noticed that I managed to put photos on my blog from Canada, that was thanks to my son Jonathan. I am still struggling to find out how to do it so if any of the team at the Birmingham Mail can help me I should really love to be able to put photos on so that I am not just a faceless person.

Xmas Eve and Jaimie and I trudged through the snow to the Supermarket and butchers to get food for Xmas and that important turkey.It was so strange being thousands of miles away from home and yet people here are preparing to have Xmas just like we do in England.I have always entertained at Xmas and am usually running around like a maniac shopping and preparing everything before going to midnight mass so it felt very strange having nothing to do but to relax. That afternoon we went down to the cinema in the basement and watched the film "The Bucket List". It was very poignant about two strangers who meet in hospital after both being diagnosed with terminal cancer and they made a list of all the things they wanted to do before they die. That's what I did 7 years ago when I was given such a short time to live and I thought aren't I lucky to be here and still making my "bucket list".

Xmas Day was snowy and crisp and after opening our presents and having a great meal cooked by Jaimie,John and I ventured out for a walk and watched children tobogganing down the slopes and the local people taking their dogs for a walk. Nearly everyone seems to have a dog in The Beaches area and there are numerous doggy shops and parlours. They obviously are very fond of "man's best friend" in Toronto. After exhausting ourselves playing games and much merriment and copious drinks we all tumbled into bed happy that we could share a lovely Xmas Day together.

Boxing Day we ventured to Lake Ontario where the temperature drops dramatically and the odd lone seagull and the black squirrels were desperately searching for food.Just before we we went out on the night to dinner Jonathan shouted to me "racoons" and as I dashed up from the basement there were 2 racoons in the road that shot up the tree frightened by the headlights of a car.They are shy creatures and not seen very often so I felt very privileged to see them,

The next day was raining and grey and the beautiful white snow took on a dirty black hue as we journeyed on a tram to the centre of Toronto. Part of my Xmas present from Jonathan was a pre theatre meal and then a night at the ballet to see The Nutcracker at the ultra modern glass theatre.I knew that John hated ballet and so did Jonathan, which made it all the more special that he had chosen to do this for me, but everyone thoroughly enjoyed the performance. It was very different from the Nutcracker that I see every year by The Birmingham Royal Ballet and probably not as magical, but I loved the whole experience.
I took Jaimie to see it last year in Birmingham, who would have believed a year on we would be watching it in Canada.

The next day sadly we had to say goodbye all too soon as Jonathan and Jaimie took us to Toronto airport for our flight home.They had made our stay so special that I knew I was going to miss them, but we took with us wonderful memories, I said to John "Our flight home can't be as bad as the one coming" - how wrong can you be!!