BAD NEWS AND GOOD NEWS

Last Friday, John and I sat outside my Oncolgist's office for over 2 hours waiting nervously for the results of my scan. John tries to take my mind off it by asking me the answers to The Times crossword. Unfortunately my brain is reduced to a complete jelly due to my nervousness and I cannot answer a single one.

Eventually we are called and Dr Sarah Williams gives you all the time you need to assimilate what she says and to ask questions and that is so important to a cancer patient.My lymph nodes have grown and she is in two minds whether to give me chemo now. My heart sinks (a) because I so wanted to go to Canada for Xmas to spend it with my son Jonathan. ( b) for 6 months whilst having chemo treatement your quality of life changes dramatically (c) it seems that you are constantly visiting hospital and last but certainly not least I would lose my hair for the 4th time and each time it grows back it is thinner and finer than before. As you know I always try to turn negative to positive so I have to be grateful that I can still have treatment that will extend my life.

Suddenly while all these thoughts are spinning round in my head, Dr Williams says "I think we will wait till after Xmas and see you in January". I could have hugged her, but sadly for me she is leaving to have a baby and I had grown to trust her implicitly which is so important on this journey with cancer, but I wish her every happiness with her "Xmas baby".

John and I went home both feeling a bit deflated as it wasn't the news we wanted to hear and it affects both our lives. So often all the sympathy goes to the cancer patient, but our partners suffer too.To everyone else I smile and say "I feel fine" but poor John has to put up with all my moans and groans and fears.

The next day I went to Leamington Spa on the train to meet Margaret, Julia and Sue, 3 of my special girlfriends from BBC Pebble Mill. After much laughter and merriment my spirits lifted. I've beaten this cancer before, I'll jolly well beat it again I thought, thank goodness for great friends.On the night when John and I went off to a friend's party in Moseley, we were back on form again and in positive mood.

On Tuesday I went to Smooth Radio, (originally Saga Radio), their studios are on the Hagley Road, Birmingham and I was being interviewed by Nick Piercy. After spending many years working in the studios at Pebble Mill it was great fun being on the other side of the microphone. I was made to feel very welcome and Nick's easy manner was very relaxing.

I was there to talk about my relationship with my Macmillan nurse and how invaluable her help was to me.This was to promote Macmillan's "bring a £ to work" on Thursday. My interview was going out the next day, so at the unearthly hour of 7am I was listening to the Nick Piercy Show and what a great job he made of really promoting this worthwhile cause which depends so much on charity. I know cancer patients who aren't so lucky as me and don't have a Macmillan nurse in their area. It would be wonderful if one day enough money could be raised so that all cancer patients could have access to their own Macmillan Nurse- what a difference it would make to their lives.

It was just as well I was up early, the doorbell rang and there was an enormous box in the porch. My friend Margaret had sent me 2 holly trees in pots for Xmas - what a wonderful present. Apparently you have to have a male and a female holly bush so that they can produce berries - I learn something every day! I don't think they have time to produce this year, but perhaps next Xmas I will be able to pick my own holly to decorate the house. I have named them Edna and Vic after my Mom and Dad who have both died in the last 2 years, My lovely Dad died in August this year.I have entertained my family on Xmas Day for 45 years and Xmas will never be the same without them.That is why I am so thrilled that I will now be able to spend Xmas in Canada. I must remember to pack my reindeer antlers!