December 2008 Archives

5am Monday morning and bleary eyed I crawl out of bed to catch the flight to Toronto. My brother John is staying at our house to look after Chloe our cat and after stocking up the fridge and making the house welcoming I can at last relax as my son Justin takes us to Birmingham airport. All is going smoothly and we wave him a fond farewell only to be confronted by a massive queue on the Toronto flight, this doesn't look too good. When we get to the desk we discover our flight is delayed due to bad weather in Newark and we are going to miss our connection and the next flight they can put us on is 6.45am the following day!

With at least 6 hours to wait, we remember that all the toileteries, toothbrush etc have gone into the hold and we are left with 2 cases full of presents, a flashing, singing reindeer whose ears shake, flashing reindeer antlers for me to wear and a Father Xmas hat for John. All highly useful when you are sleeping overnight at the airport!!

Eventually we board the plane and Air Continental gave us a very comfortable flight although the films seemed rather old as I watched Ginger Rogers and David Niven in black and white. We finally arrived at Newark and we became hopeful knowing that there were still 3 flights to Toronto that day and we might be able to get standby tickets, but it took so long to get through security that already we had missed one flight and all the hotels were completely full, hope was fading fast.

Not one to admit defeat I went up to the Continental desk where the lady confirmed we were flying at 6.45am tomorrow. I must have looked so dejected that she took pity on us and went off to make a phone call and hey presto we are booked on the 5pm flight that night, so no sleeping on an airport bench in my reindeer antlers after all.

As we flew over Lake Ontario I never dreamt that it was so large and suddenly we were flying over the vast snowy Toronto landscape. 21 hours after leaving home we were given the warmest of welcomes and were sitting cosy and warm with my son Jonathan and his girlfriend Jaimie in their beautiful home nestling in over 2 feet of snow and we knew it was all worthwhile.

Jonathan and Jaimie's house.

After a good night's sleep in our basement bedroom complete with cinema we walked in -10C through the thick snow to Lake Ontario which in the summer is bustling with sunbathers on the beach - hence the area is called The Beaches.We walked through Kew Gardens where pure black squirrels were searching for food in the blanket of snow and headed for the wonderful smell of coffee at Starbucks Coffee Shop. As we sat in front of a roaring fire I knew that I would be sharing a white Xmas with the people I loved and the nightmare journey of the day before was long forgotten.

Jaimie making Snow Angels in the snow late last night on the way home from a wonderful meal at the Balsalm Restaurant.

I was really worried that chemo would prevent us going to Canada for Xmas, but now here I am in bed with the flu and just over a week to go before we fly.

On Wednesday I had a yoga session at my house and that night as John and I drove to the Malvern Theatre to see Cabaret the symptoms came on rapidly. The next day I frustratingly was having to ring from my sick bed to cancel all the lovely things that happen during the weeks before Xmas. I should have been shaking my tin for Macmillan in Morrison's sadly someone else had to do it. My Solihull Cancer Support Group Party was special this year because my Macmillan nurse Sue and her group were the entertainment.Yes only I could have a nurse that sings in a folk group as well. I have tried many times to hear her sing and once again I missed the chance. She also has never heard my talks where I praise her part in helping me to survive. I am sure we will both get the chance one day.

Saturday, I still felt wretched, but we are going with 2 friends to the Macmillan Ball at the St. John's Hotel, Solihull and we can't let them down, I don't feel the Belle of the Ball but I drag myself from the fireside, Strictly Come Dancing and the X Factor and with make up on, cough sweets in my evening bag I manage to keep going till 11 pm. and am so glad I made the effort, because the Macmillan Fund Raising team headed by Steve Dourass work tirelessly to help people like me.

The next day I had all my family and grandchildren to a pre christmas dinner celebration as I sadly won't be seeing them on Christmas Day. The candles were lit, the crackers were pulled and we exchanged presents and the three grandchildren went home tired but happy and their grandmothere felt the same, I'm obviously getting better!

Monday. I went with my son Justin to see Ben and Nicky in their Nativity Play, "The Whoops a Daisy Angel". It was just delightful, I hope, that in this changing world, schools never stop putting on the Story of Xmas, the children seem to love performing and there is always one that has you in tucks of laughter. Long may it continue to add to the Magic of Xmas.

Wednesday, I felt almost human again and our yoga group went to The Oak, Hockley Heath for our Xmas lunch. It has been completely renovated and what a beautiful place with excellent food and marvellous service, I can't wait to go back again.

Then John's son Mike arrived from America to stay with us for a couple of days, it is always lovely when he comes. Although he and Louise and our grandson Alexander live so far away in Washington they send so many photos on the computer of their experiences, so despite the miles we are able to share their lives.

Today we have travelled to Rutland to spend the day with John's other son Richard and family. He is a wonderful cook and we shared another happy pre Christmas dinner and the sacks of presents we bought for the children were a great success, but we are off at 5.30am tomorrow so we have packing to do. It is midnight and I have just finished after searching the loft for my reindeer antlers and John's Father Xmas hat complete with bell which he is refusing to wear, but we will see!!

Toronto is -16 degrees and it has thick snow so we are going to have a white Xmas. Each Xmas, I think how lucky I am to be here to share it with John, my family and friends and I know this will be a special one, I really hope yours is too.

The last time I wrote my blog was the 4th December, since then I have been completely pole axed with the dreaded flu bug, following a flu and pneumonia jab! I rarely ever give up or give in, but the only place for me was bed. I am now up and about again, so where was I? Ah I remember, I had been given my scan results.

Just because the diagnosis is not always what you hoped it would be, you still have to get on with life. I had a lump in my stomach that had been causing me great pain and worry. Now the scan had revealed it wasn't cancerous I booked myself in to see a colo-rectal surgeon Mr. Budhoo in the hope he could help. I paid to go privately because I didn't want to wait for months on the NHS. I am used to waiting for 2 to 3 hours outside oncologists' offices, so it was a luxury to find myself being seen by Mr. Budhoo within 15 minutes.The lump was caused by scar tissue from 2 hernia operations that I had to have following the major surgery due to ovarian cancer. He explained that it would not be advisable to open me up again and that I would have to live with it. I will try everything to sort a problem out, but if there is nothing that can be done then I do learn to live with it and that is what I will do now

I'd had enough of hospitals for one week so it was so refreshing to go out to lunch with my old BBC friends, Cheryl and Claire.The food at the Bell and Cross near Belbroughton is excellent and well worth being stuck on the M42 on a busy Friday afternoon. Luckily I managed to get back home in time to go to my grandson Ben's school fair. I even won him the last tombola prize so I gained a few Nanny brownie points!

I love Xmas, especially the build up and each year we go to the Classic Spectacular at the NIA. Our friends Debbie and Gordon came to stay the weekend and equipped with union jack flags we left the Hyatt hotel after a superb meal and walked along the canal which looks so beautiful at night to the NIA. We sang our hearts out and waved our flags furiously to Land of Hope and Glory and marvelled at the wonderful special effects and fireworks during the 1812 Overture. We are blessed to have the marvellous CBSO (City of Birmingham Symphony Orchestra) and to have so many entertainment venues in Birmingham. We left that night happy and elated after watching a wonderful show.

The next day we were off to Worcester to celebrate my friend Geoffrey's 60th Birthday party. He was a music producer in Popular Music at the BBC and I spent four of the happiest years of my BBC career working with Geoffrey. He has a wonderful dry sense of humour and gave my leaving speech when I retired due to cancer.It was great seeing old friends and colleagues that I had not seen for 7 years. I have to say that the ladies seemed to wear better then the men, but then I would wouldn't I!

After a lovely afternoon we raced back home to Solihull to go with other friends to an Old Time Music Hall at the little Dovehouse Theatre. We all sang along with the songstress, laughed continuously at the comedian's jokes - no swear words or sex, just pure unadulterated humour. Then one of the former members of the Morton Frazer Harmonica Gang came on looking incredibly young, especially as they were famous many years ago.As he played with great skill I remembered all the times my Dad played his harmonica. He died in August this year and when I went to his flat I found 15 harmonicas including a very tiny one. He always rang me up on my birthday to play me Happy Birthday, followed by The Flight of the Bumble Bee, so when this talented gentleman started to play it I could feel tears dripping down my cheeks. I guess I am going to get many of those moments, but when he started playing his tiny harmonica just like my Dad's, I realised how lucky I am so have so many wonderful memories of my special Dad.

All in all a very good week, but what a busy one. The next week proved to be different altogether.

Last Friday, John and I sat outside my Oncolgist's office for over 2 hours waiting nervously for the results of my scan. John tries to take my mind off it by asking me the answers to The Times crossword. Unfortunately my brain is reduced to a complete jelly due to my nervousness and I cannot answer a single one.

Eventually we are called and Dr Sarah Williams gives you all the time you need to assimilate what she says and to ask questions and that is so important to a cancer patient.My lymph nodes have grown and she is in two minds whether to give me chemo now. My heart sinks (a) because I so wanted to go to Canada for Xmas to spend it with my son Jonathan. ( b) for 6 months whilst having chemo treatement your quality of life changes dramatically (c) it seems that you are constantly visiting hospital and last but certainly not least I would lose my hair for the 4th time and each time it grows back it is thinner and finer than before. As you know I always try to turn negative to positive so I have to be grateful that I can still have treatment that will extend my life.

Suddenly while all these thoughts are spinning round in my head, Dr Williams says "I think we will wait till after Xmas and see you in January". I could have hugged her, but sadly for me she is leaving to have a baby and I had grown to trust her implicitly which is so important on this journey with cancer, but I wish her every happiness with her "Xmas baby".

John and I went home both feeling a bit deflated as it wasn't the news we wanted to hear and it affects both our lives. So often all the sympathy goes to the cancer patient, but our partners suffer too.To everyone else I smile and say "I feel fine" but poor John has to put up with all my moans and groans and fears.

The next day I went to Leamington Spa on the train to meet Margaret, Julia and Sue, 3 of my special girlfriends from BBC Pebble Mill. After much laughter and merriment my spirits lifted. I've beaten this cancer before, I'll jolly well beat it again I thought, thank goodness for great friends.On the night when John and I went off to a friend's party in Moseley, we were back on form again and in positive mood.

On Tuesday I went to Smooth Radio, (originally Saga Radio), their studios are on the Hagley Road, Birmingham and I was being interviewed by Nick Piercy. After spending many years working in the studios at Pebble Mill it was great fun being on the other side of the microphone. I was made to feel very welcome and Nick's easy manner was very relaxing.

I was there to talk about my relationship with my Macmillan nurse and how invaluable her help was to me.This was to promote Macmillan's "bring a £ to work" on Thursday. My interview was going out the next day, so at the unearthly hour of 7am I was listening to the Nick Piercy Show and what a great job he made of really promoting this worthwhile cause which depends so much on charity. I know cancer patients who aren't so lucky as me and don't have a Macmillan nurse in their area. It would be wonderful if one day enough money could be raised so that all cancer patients could have access to their own Macmillan Nurse- what a difference it would make to their lives.

It was just as well I was up early, the doorbell rang and there was an enormous box in the porch. My friend Margaret had sent me 2 holly trees in pots for Xmas - what a wonderful present. Apparently you have to have a male and a female holly bush so that they can produce berries - I learn something every day! I don't think they have time to produce this year, but perhaps next Xmas I will be able to pick my own holly to decorate the house. I have named them Edna and Vic after my Mom and Dad who have both died in the last 2 years, My lovely Dad died in August this year.I have entertained my family on Xmas Day for 45 years and Xmas will never be the same without them.That is why I am so thrilled that I will now be able to spend Xmas in Canada. I must remember to pack my reindeer antlers!