November 2008 Archives

Monday morning was sunny and bright and as I hopped on the train to Birmingham where I was going to be presented with a cheque from Marks & Spencer, I knew this was going to be a good day.

Thanks to the generosity of the staff and management, £2,000 has been raised for Ovacome, the ovarian cancer charity which does so much to help people like me. They are always there on the end of a 'phone if you need advice or have any worries and they send out a quarterly newsletter free. One of the aims of Ovacome is to try to get ovarian cancer a higher profile so that diagnosis can be made earlier and so that less women tragically lose their lives unecessarily. They are also on steering committes to ensure that women's views are taken into account and heard.

Breast Cancer has an amazing profile and so much research and progress is being made with great results and that is wonderful. Sadly Ovarian Cancer is definitely the poor relative so for M & S to give their support to Ovacome is marvellous.

One of their staff Mary Hughes, who is a lingerie advisor, was diagnosed with ovarian cancer in October 2006. Like so many of us her early diagnosis in April was IBS(irritable bowel syndrome), as the symptoms are very similar, but sadly 6 months on Mary was told she had ovarian cancer and that it had spread..

Thus started her journey with major surgery,numerous hospital visits, chemotherapy and scans. In 2008 she was told that the cancer has returned as so often happens with this type of disease and once again she is having to go through chemotherapy.

Having met Mary I can understand why all her colleagues at M & S have supported her and raised this money on her behalf. She is a complete inspiration to them all, she is positive and retains a great sense of humour despite her illness.So with all this and the great support from her friends at M & S and her family she has all the ingredients to beat
this cancer yet again and I wish her luck. The good news is that Mary and I are going to keep in touch.

Once again I digress. I gave a speech and the cheque was presented and it was so large (just like the ones on Children in Need) my immediate thought was "how am I going to get this on the train" and then "how am I going to send this in the post to Ovacome". Silly me, of course they send a real cheque to Ovacome this was just for publicity!

The Birmingham Mail photographer, Geoffrey was there and the article was going in the Mail one day this week although I haven't seen it yet, After a lovely buffet and enjoyble company I left to catch my train home - without that enormous cheque, happy that M & S will probably do something to help us in March 2009 which is ovarian cancer month - not a lot of people know this, Thank you so much M & S Birmingham for your generosity to Ovacome and to people like Mary and me.

Tuesday was the last day of the "Macmillan Living with Cancer Course".Where have those 6 weeks gone? I lit a candle at the beginning of the session and at the end we all held hands in friendship and blew it out. There were some tears at leaving as new friends had been made and we had all become very fond of each other and helped each other. The participants had gained so much in the way of knowledge, self help and had now been able to take back control of their lives .Consequently, for Mike, my co tutor and I it was a very rewarding moment and we suggested that the group continued to meet up and support each other and this is what they are going to do.

I had 2 great days but now I was worried. I was not looking forward to Friday when I was going to see the oncolgist for the result of my scan. Hence Wednesday and Thursday I spent the time enjoying the company of my husband and friends and a little "retail therapy" to try and forget this world of cancer for a short time.

When I came out of hospital seven years ago after major surgery and I started chemo, I knew that I looked really awful with no hair, no figure,due to weight loss and no sparkle- I had definitely lost my sparkle! One day as I looked at this tired body I thought what can I do to make a difference. The only parts that seemed not to be ravaged by the disease and the chemo were my feet and hands so I made an appointment to have a manicure and pedicure.

In my previously busy working life I didn't have time for such luxuries, but when I left the hairdressers' that day with shiny bright red toe nails and finger nails I felt like a new woman and decided that a bit of pampering was not just a luxury on my journey with cancer but something that made me feel good about myself as a woman and that is so important.

Consequently, when I went last week to get my nails done for a dinner dance, I still remembered the good feel factor it gave me 7 years ago. We ladies are very bad at finding "time for ourselves" and I am the worst person at this, but we do really need and deserve this "me time".

Last week, inbetween tutoring my course,going for my scan,visiting my dentist and solicitor, I managed a yoga session, a reflexology session and my aromatherapist Ann came to our house to give three of us the benefits of her wonderful massage with the special oils she chooses for us each individually. Lavender to relax, bergamot to uplift, marjoram for pain, grapefruit for energy etc. I had felt so tired and had been having unexplained pains over the last few weeks which worried me, so I reckon I needed all those oils to work a miracle.

Way back in 2001, which seems like a lifetime away now, Lyn. my reflexologist kept mentioning that she felt I had problems in my ovaries and lungs. This was 6 months before the medical profession finally diagnosed ovarian cancer which had spread into my lung. Consequently I have a great faith in what she says. This time she said she could feel something in the right of my pelvis and in 2 areas either side of my spine. Once again she was spot on, that is where I have been experiencing pain recently. I will be interested to know what my scan shows.

Talking of scans, I kept ringing and ringing to try to get an appointment with my oncologist to discuss the results, to no avail. It is so hard, as I am sure so many cancer patients would agree, when you are really worried and you to have to wait 2 or 3 weeks to see your oncologist to learn whether you are still OK or that you will have to have the dreaded chemo again.

So many of my friends also go through the agonies of waiting and I sometimes think that this stress is what causes tiredness and of course when you have pains, as hard as you try to be positive, it is human nature to think the worst. Through being persistent I have finally and thankfully got my appointment for tomorrow. As always I am very nervous, but we will just have to wait and see and face it. I do so desperately want to go and see my son Jonathan in Canada for Xmas, but again where there is a will there is a way.

Talking of Xmas, last Saturday,I had the joy of taking my 2 grandsons, Ben and Nicholas who are 5 and 3 to see Father Xmas at Notcutts Garden Centre. Seven years ago all I wanted was to live long enough to see my first grandchild. Now I have moved the
goalposts! I think like most grandparents I have this incredibly strong feeling that I want to help protect them. I now want to see my grandchildren grow up, become young men. I want to be there when they get married. If this feeling is so strong for me as a grandparent, I can't imagine how hard it must be for young men or women with children who have to cope with cancer, but it must also make their will to live even more powerful.

I don't think I have ever really grown up and I know John would certainly confirm this. I still love birthdays - not just mine but anyone's birthdays and I still get excited over Xmas and now I have a wonderful excuse to visit Father Xmas myself.

Notcutt's have made it very special for the children (and grandparents!) with reindeer, donkeys ,goats, ducks and turkeys strutting happily around. We were having such fun and then Ben asked the question "Are these the turkeys we eat at Xmas?" How do you answer that one? In fact they both asked 101 questions about Father Xmas and you cannot destroy the magical fantasy that our parents created for us and that we in turn created for our children, so hopefully I answered all their questions and still kept them believing in the "Magic of Xmas" In fact, as we finally went in to meet a very jolly Father Xmas I almost believed it myself!

I wrote my last entry, yesterday evening complete with paragraphs and to my surprise it appears on my Blog Site as one long continuous screed which is really difficult to read. So apologies to anyone who has tried and hopefully with the help of the Birmingham Mail Blog Site expert it will be amended.

It's Thusday, 27th November and still I have not been able to contact anyone to help sort my last entry out, so thank you to anyone who has had the patience to read it. I hope my dentist Nigel has, because so often when we go to our doctor or dentist it seems that all we ever do is moan and sometimes it is good to let them know that we do appreciate all they do for us - because after all they are human too and a thank you goes such a long way.

I'm about to start my next blog, fingers crossed there are a few paragraphs this time!!

All my weeks are busy but this one has been non stop, which probably is just as well as I didn't have much time to dwell on my scan at City Hospital last Tuesday which I have been worrying about as I have symptoms and pains that I can't explain. I have been having protractive dental work since March this year. My last chemo in 2006 caused shrinkage to the gums with the result that my bridge became loose. No one tells you this can happen,but sadly it is just another possible side effect of chemo which has turned out to be a very expensive one! I have a wonderful dentist called Nigel who I have been with for 30 years and trust implicitly He told me I could not drink red wine or eat curries as they would stain the temporary bridge which I have had for 6 months. I forgot one day and after eating curried parsnip soup I woke up the next morning and to my horror these bright yellow teeth were smiling back at me in the bathroom mirror! This week I finally have my permanent bridge and I can now eat curry and drink red wine to my heart's content! With shiny new teeth in place off I went for lunch at the Ginny Ring Craft Centre in Hanbury with my Yoga teacher Gill and my friend Kay.We have been friends since childhood and she lives in a beautiful cottage in the woods and as I drove through them the remaining leaves on the trees were a spectacular blood red and where they had fallen it was like a carpet of crimson. If only I had my camera. I am blessed with many friends, some I have made since I had cancer. My friend Wendy, is also my healer and John and I were invited to dinner last Saturday, Her husband Ray is one of the few surviving Spitfire Pilots of World War II and what tales he has to tell. My favourite evening is a candlelit dinner at home with good friends. Well we had the candles and they certainly did us proud with a wonderful meal and great company. Before I knew it Tuesday had arrived - the day of my scan, but I also had my "Living with Cancer course" to run and I always say that helping other people helps you to forget your own problems, so off I went to Sutton Coldfield where I am always inspired by the courage of these people and encouraged by how they have all gained so much from this course, hence a little scan was not going to stop me. All too soon I was heading for the Jewellery Quarter Birmingham to pick up my lovely husband John who had caught the train from Solihull so he could be with me. He has spent hour upon hour over the last 7 years waiting with me in hospitals for scans, results, chemo etc. and never once has he complained - well not very often!! Just having someone there with you is so comforting and I value his support so much - hope he reads this, 'cause I don't always tell him enough! I always say a little prayer as I go through the CT scanner in my hospital pyamas made to fit a 6ft hefty man not a 5ft 4ins small lady, but this is no time for vanity and the kindness of the staff makes such a difference to your experience . Finally 8 hours after leaving home that morning, tired and weary we arrive back at 7pm, but no rest for the wicked. I have a ladies' Rotary supper to attend in Balsall Common. It is so easy to think "I'm too tired,I can't be bothered." I never do that mainly because I don't like letting people down, but also I'm so grateful to still be alive that I embrace every opportunity to enjoy everything that comes my way. The spirit's always willing but sometime this poor body trails behind. As I drove home at midnight down the dark country lanes to Solihull listening to Radio 4 I thought "that was another lovely evening spent with friends" and the stresses of the day just melted away.

Family and friends and my medical team know that I believe that positive thinking has helped me to survive the terrible prognosis I was given 7 years ago and that is partially why I am here today.I know that this is not enough on it's own to win the fight with cancer but for me it has enabled me to take more control of my life and to believe that I will get through it, I will beat this thing and that's what keeps me going.

I was asked to tell my story on the Andrew Peach Show on Radio WM and to say how positive thinking and hope had helped me. I had no other briefing, so at 8am one Sunday morning I did a live interview with Andrew down the phone.It was all over in less than 2 minutes and if I had know it was going to be that short I would been more concise and done it differentlly, but I did manage to say that I believed that positive thinking is why I am still here today.A lady rang up to say that she felt that I was wrong to say this, because other people who try to be positive and don't do so well feel they have failed and I guess I can appreciate her point, but I still stick by what I believe.

Last Thursday at our Solihull Cancer Support Group a lovely clinical cancer nurse who has been supporting cancer patients for 7 years gave a wonderful speech and told us how nurses and oncologists are deeply affected by many of their patients and she showed us that there is a very human and compassionate side to the medical team who care for us cancer patients which they cannot always show. At the end of her speech I asked her the question "In one word what would you say was the most important thing in this fight with cancer?" She replied "POSITIVENESS" !

On Tuesday I dashed home from the course to cook dinner for my friend Debbie who was staying with us and with 2 other friends off we went to see the ballet Edward Scissorhands at the Birmingham Hippodrome. It was the first night and the brilliant cast received a well deserved standing ovation.I never cease to be thrilled by the talent on the stage and the magic of the theatre and as a bonus some of the cast came out to answer questions from the audience. It had been a terrible start to the day with my bad news, but what a terrific ending.

8.30am on Wednesday I had a phone call from a lovely man called Rob from ITV London saying that they had read my article in the Birmingham Mail on how I had survived chemo and cancer and could they do an interview with me at my home. I believe it was probably connected to the story about the young girl who needed heart surgery due to the damage chemo caused and I think they wanted a positive story on how chemo can help you.Rob said he was catching the next train down to Solihull.

My poor husband John didn't know what had hit him as I dashed round plumping cushions, filling my flower vases and rustling up a cake. My cleaning lady Tina had never seen me looking so glamorous at that time of the morning. Hyacinth Bouquet has nothing on me I thought! Then the 'phone rang and it was Rob to say "the story had been pulled as often happens with news" and he was now at Milton Keynes station after being told to return to London.

Oh well, I nearly made ITV National News that night, but perhaps I must just be content with the odd appearance on Radio WM!

On Monday after a day spent preparing for my course, I went for a well earned Yoga class at Solihull Hospital. Gill is an amazing yoga teacher. When I was first diagnosed in 2001 and couldn't breathe properly or walk very far because of the cancerous fluid in my lung she came to see me and taught me how to breathe from my abdomen and gradually with her help I learnt ways to breathe through my lungs.A friendship was formed and she began teaching and helping other cancer patients at my house. On sunny Summer days we held the classes in the garden surrounded by the smell of lavender and roses and we all found how much it improved our well being and more importantly we had fun.Gill is such a busy lady now that those days are gone, but I am so lucky to be able to still gain from her knowledge and her friendship. If you have a problem - she will have an exercise to sort it! She has been very important to me on this journey with cancer.

Next day, just before going to do my Living with Cancer Course, an envelope arrived from City hospital. I can recognise them a mile off and always dread what I will find inside.This was not good news, my cancer level has gone up and if my scan shows something next week then the oncolgist said it might be time to institute further treatment - meaning the dreaded chemo. I have had 2 years without it and have felt absolutely wonderful and can only presume that my immune system has kept the cancer at bay.

In July my father had a stroke and I spent every day with him at Heartlands Hospital Stroke Unit for a month. When he died at the end of August, I was both exhausted and sad . He was 92 and one of life's characters. I have been lucky to have him share my life for so long, but how I miss him. I often wonder if this is when the cancer creeps up on you again, but, I hadn't got time to feel sorry for myself, I had a course to give in Sutton Coldfield, so off I went in my car trying to convince myself "It will be fine".

This is the 4th week of the course and the change in the group is amazing.On the 1st day there were tears, now there is laughter. They were frightened and unsure of the future, now they are positive and making plans.The cancer has not changed, but their attitude to it has and they are now taking control of their lives unstead of letting others take control and that is such a powerful thing to learn.They are a wonderful group of people who all help each other and I have loved being able to help them thanks to Macmillan. I always say that Macmillan keep me much to busy to die, so long may it last!

I really hadn't meant to leave it so long between entries, but while I was enjoying a precious day with my friend Ann from America something happened that was so upsetting that I wasn't able to continue with my blog .However, when you have these knocks you just have to pick yourself up and get on with life.

It's a strange thing but when you have cancer there is a vulnerability that wasn't there before. Events that I might have handled in pre cancer days affect me far more
now.and so many cancer patients say the same.

Ann has MS and was diagnosed virtually the same time as me 7 years ago. She also is very positive, refuses to give into it and leads an amazingly active life and receives wonderful treatment in America. We went to a great firework party on Saturday night, but all too soon we were at Birmingham Airport at 7am on a grey, wet Saturday morning waving each other goodbye.

We met at a Remembrance Service in Melbourne, Derbyshire 10 years ago and no matter where our lives took us, we still always met on that special day and this continued till she left England.

This Sunday John and I went to Knowle and it is just so moving when the Brass Band comes marching proudly up the High Street leading the procession.As I watched, the young cadets, the old war heroes and the young servicemen I felt very humbled.Here am I trying every which way to beat this cancer and live and they are prepared to give their lives for their country. The service at Knowle Parish Church was beautiful and moving and on days like this I am glad to be alive and "Proud to be British."

I was woken up early one day this week by a lady called Tina who asked if I could possibly do a last minute speech for the Urology and Prostate Cancer Group in Solihull.I recognised the desperateness in her voice, an oncolgist had cancelled and she needed a speaker that night. I am now booking the speakers, with my friend Sandra, for our Solihull Cancer Group and I know it is something we both dread, so how could I refuse.

She asked if I could talk about complimentary therapies. I happen to believe that the complimentary therapies that I have received and the friendship of the therapists who treat me to this day, have played a major part in my survival with cancer.Hence I found myself on Wednesday afternoon typing my speech which I finished at 4pm. A quick shower, make up on and I went to do my talk at 5pm at Solihull Hospital. Talk about cutting it fine.

I felt like the understudy at the theatre when the leading lady has been taken ill and the audience are going to be disappointed. I also knew that this audience were mainly men and that they are not as responsive to complimentary therapies as ladies,so I had to win them over somehow.

I needn't have worried, they were charming, made me very welcome and asked many questions afterwards which is always a good sign. The speakers from the medical profession generously give their time free to cancer support groups after a long day's work. I always find their talks fascinating, but sometimes it is encouraging to have another cancer survivor give a talk for a change. When I have listened to people who have survived the disease against all odds they have always been a great inspiration to me.

Thursday was a busy catching up day for me and my friend Ann from America was coming to stay so lots to do and time to switch off from cancer related acitivites. Then I had a phone call from Radio WM asking if I would do an interview live this Sunday on the Andrew Peach Show at 8am. I am a nightingale not a lark, so this is not exactly my best time but I feel so privileged to be asked so of course I said yes!

It's been nearly a week since my last entry and this is the first chance to catch up.
My weekend was a mixture of work and pleasure. I went to see my friend Leno in the coronary unit of Heartlands, he is thankfully on the mend, but I was so surprised to see him in a mixed ward, I thought they were being phased out.

My son Justin and his family came over on Sunday with their 2 little boys Ben and Nicky and little Lucinda. John and I have 5 grandsons between us but thanks to Justin and Louise I now have a beautiful baby grandaughter and our house was full of fun and laughter.

This was great for me as it took my mind off my impending visit to the Oncologist the next day for my 3 month check up.My cancer level had gone up so I was really worried and nervous and never really slept Sunday night.On Monday John and I sat waiting for 2 1/2hrs waiting to be seen and I always dread the words "you will have to have more chemo". I have a brilliant oncologist who gives me so much time but sadly she is leaving. She said I would have to have a scan so again I am playing the waiting game.By the time we eventually got home I was too shattered and hungry to go to Yoga and I normally wouldn't miss it for the world.

I had been preparing to give my "Living with Cancer Course" the next day and as I was being assessed it was so important I was completely on top of it. I always put a lot of work into it so that the people on the course can get the very best out of it and enjoy it. Hence instead of relaxing on Monday night I was studying till very late.

Next morning I set off to the Sutton Coldfield Cancer Centre only to find long delays and congestion on the M6 - why today of all days!! Luckily I finally made it in time thoroughly enjoyed giving the course with my co tutor Mike and I was so thrilled I passed and am now an accredited tutor for Macmillan.

I always say I am proud to have worked for two brilliant organisations, the BBC for 37 years and now Macmillan. Not bad having a new career at 65, I feel really lucky.