Fluent tosh for beginners

Winner of this week's talking complete and utter ********s award is British Airways.

The airline has decided on a cunning wheeze to screw a few more quid out of its passengers - from next month you will have to pay to book a seat.

So you shell out £1,500 quid or so for you and the missus to fly to Australia but if you want to sit together you have to shell out another wedge. The charges it seems are £10 for European flights - each way presumably - up to £60 for business class on long haul. Presumably well heeled bums are more expensive to fit in.

Now we all know some bean counter with a Blackberry and a spreadsheet has come up with this shabby little scheme to get more for tickets without actually putting up prices but that is not going to float many boats with the public so . . .

A British Airways spokesman, who presumably is under the impression that the majority of the population and certainly all their passengers have IQs which are struggling to reach a whole number, declared it would "give customers more control over their seating options".

For example it would give them the control to decide if they wanted to pay by debit card or credit card to sit in the aisle, by a window or with their missus.