Emperor's new clothes time

Now I know Christmas is a religious festival, one of the two rocks on which Christianity is built, not that that matters, living as we do in pagan Britain, but in the rest of the world it still means something beyond presents, blow outs and getting legless.

But even the Pope probably enjoys the secular bits, the mince pies and mulled wine and all that and it is among the snowmen and robins where Simon Cowell and Sony are hijacking Christmas and the worst thing is we are letting them get away with it.

The Christmas No 1 is a glitzy arrangement of a Leonard Cohen classic belted out by a half decent club singer which was already virtually guaranteed top spot in advance sales before anyone knew what the song was or who would be singing it. We are becoming a nation of lobotomised sheep.

This mass outpouring of grief, such as the embarrassing scenes at Princess Diana's funeral, or adulation, such as the near riots at appearances by X-factor finalists, seems to show that as a nation our lives or our heads are very empty. Anyone who is vaguely famous - i.e. been on telly - becomes a minor deity.

There was some sanity left in that the iconic 14-year-old version of the Hallelujah, by a bloke who died 11 years ago incidentally, pushed Alexandra Burke's version close and came second. That was all sales by downloads as Sony hold the record rights, as people both rebelled against Cowell's cynical arrogance and showed support for a version which will still be around in another 14 years while the Number One will be lucky to last 14 weeks.

Whether either is a Christmas song is debatable but anyone who hears both versions will know that the winner is like one of those knock off Rolex watches you buy in foreign street markets. Flash and shiny but don't expect it to work or last.

The X-factor winner has had the Christmas No 1 since the eminently forgettable That's My Goal in 2005. Since then we have had A Moment Like This, When You Believe and now a karaoke Hallelujah. Can't see any of that lot floating many boats when we get to the Best Christmas Album Ever II in a few years time.

Once upon a time there was real interest in what would be Number ! at Christmas in a battle which has brought us all those festive ditties which fill every shop from November onwards. Now it is whatever Cowell and Sony decide they want to flog us after a six month ad campaign we have paid for. Perhaps it is time for us to stand up and say enough is enough and to take our Christmas No 1 back.

It might be difficult though. In the have your say bit on one of the chart websites we have some creature called Dalin who reckons "Alexandra sings this much better. the Buckley version makes me feel sick. The song should be cheerful!"

With musical appreciation like that we could all be doomed. I hear Dalin is now working on the reggae party version of Mozart's Requiem Mass in D minor.