Mills and boom

Heather Mills is brilliant. Anyone who can claim £30,000 a year for equestrian activities when she no longer rides, although I suppose that could also cover William Hill, and £39,000 a year for wine - that's £107 a day seven days a week by the way - when she doesn't even drink, is touched with genius.

If she is in need of a job, unlikely I know with £24 million stuffed in her handbag, I am always willing to employ her to fill in my exes for a modest 20 per cent - that's my cut by the way, with her record that should be enough for me to retire on.