Recently by Laura Yates

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Bowel movements have taken over my life. It's worse than when The Kid was a new born and I marvelled at the multitudinous variations of pooh that he produced on a daily basis - now a steaming turd landing in a potty is awaited as anxiously as the birth of a child. I nearly wet myself with excitement when he leaves the teeniest drop of piddle for me to empty out.

Bowel movements have taken over my life. It's worse than when The Kid was a new born and I marvelled at the multitudinous variations of pooh that he produced on a daily basis - now a steaming turd landing in a potty is awaited as anxiously as the birth of a child. I nearly wet myself with excitement when he leaves the teeniest drop of piddle for me to empty out.

So I got a call from the doctor's surgery the other day, asking me if I was bringing The Kid in for his Swine Flu Vaccination.

Now I have to admit I hadn't given the matter much thought because the whole Swine Flu panic has pretty much evaporated. Of course having flu of any persuasion can be pretty horrible, but unless you're pregnant or already have a weakened immune system it really isn't that serious.

That said, if Swine Flu is so benign why are the vaccinatioin clinics still being run? I went into the surgery to have a chat with the doctor

I'm back! I'm back with lots of apologies and excuses for not writing over the last few weeks, excuses such as dodgy internet access, computer gremlins and illness.. but now I've got so much to talk about!

So, where do I start? How about last night? It's the most recent event and it hopefully concludes the spate of illness that has plagued Casa Del Yates over the last two months. Honestly, we've had swine flu, norovirus, ear infection after ear infection after ear infection and now conjunctivitis.

I know what you're thinking - you're thinking that I'm one of those alarmist parents who Googled 'TAMIFLU SIDE-EFFECTS' and got scared by every worst-case-scenario that popped up. Not at all. I do not base important parental decisions on what I read on the internet. Oh no. I use the here-say that circulates the school playground.

A good few fellow mothers heard that Tamiflu could make children feel worse than the actual Swine Flu virus. The paranoid murmurings of a handful full of mums was all I needed to hear...

The thing about not having a job is you're always around to help your mates out when they need something but they're stuck at work. Last week I assisted my good friend Auntie Claire in just such a way. She needed me to wait in her house while some men came to clean the settee after she'd had a flood.

Now, Casa del Claire is an un-childproofed establishment, but I was fairly confident that I would be able to occupy The Kid for the few hours that I'd be there. I was equipped with an array of paraphernalia with which to entertain a toddler; little cars, trucks and toys. I'd reasoned that giving him lunch would keep him still for half an hour so I'd brought a tin of raviolis and some raisins.

It took me about 30 seconds after walking through the door to deduce that the next couple of hours were not going to be as straight forward as I'd first anticipated.

The first few weeks were great; out of bed, dressed and ready. Have lovely walk to school then take The Kid to the park or for a wander round the shops.

I'm not quite sure how I went from that, to stumbling out of bed at the last minute, chucking the fully pyjamad Kid into his car seat then driving The Boy to school. I admit, the first couple of times this happened it was lovely to just go home, sit have a nice unhurried breakfast and coffee whilst watching V+ed episodes of Frasier interspersed with Peppa Pig.

For the last couple of days I've been sporting some rather large carpet burns on my elbows.

Now, if you can just take your mind out of the gutter for a second I'll explain that they were actually inflicted..

Well, I'm two weeks into being a none-working parent and I am still quite happy. I'm not tearing my hair out and still haven't gone loop the loop.

There was a slight moment of panic yesterday when The Kid cried for no apparent reason for about half an hour. I suddenly wondered if leaving working life was a massive mistake, but then I thought -