Who says boyfriends should be present during labour?

And as for that moment, when the baby is placed in your arms for you both to coo over, that part that people tell you when all the pain stops and everything becomes worth it, is about the same time that the midwife jabs you in the leg with an injection to shift the after-birth which they then all gather round and poke, and they stick your legs in stirrups if you need stitches.

A friend of mine said her feet were up so long she couldn't move her legs for an hour afterwards. What was the midwife sewing down there, The Bayeux Tapestry? Is that a treasured moment that your boyfriend wants to be part of too?

Going on most of my friends' experiences it's not pleasant, and often just leaves men feeling redundant and helpless.

Women are more likely to have an epidural if their birthing coach is their partner, rather than another woman. I don't think that's surprising; they'd see you in pain and would be as desperate for an epidural as you are, and perhaps suggest one earlier than you might have done. I think other women, especially ones who had been through labour before and could empathise, would try and coach you through it step by step, in a much more measured way.

Why is it so important for guys to be there anyway? Do people really think a man won't love his baby as much if he wasn't actually there at the moment of birth? Rubbish - my own father was present one of his three children's births and he detests us all equally.

Also you've got to wonder whether those '2nd stage of labour images' will flash through your boyfriend's mind when you eventually come to getting jiggy with it again. "Okay, just try not to think about the small person you saw being squeezed out of there a couple of months ago" And that's assuming you've managed to expel the moment completely from your own mind.

Throughout my whole pregnancy with The Kid at no point did I have any deep rooted desire to have the Other Half there during the birth. Judging by the response I got from some of my friends, that made me as much as a monster as Harold Shipman. One friend was horrified when I said I'd been thinking about going it alone. She told me I'd be depriving my man of one of the most important moments in his life.

I wonder how important it is to get screamed at and watch liquid come out from every orifice? If watching someone in extreme discomfort, while they have little control over what their body is doing is so important, there'll be plenty of chance to do that in the days after the birth.

In the end The Other Half was there, because he wanted to be there and I wasn't so completely averse to it that I'd really go against his wishes. After everything I've just said he was a great help, I counted on his support and think The Kid's birth was the brilliant experience (yes, brilliant experience) that it was because he was there. I kept him far away from the business end though.

However I do feel that every woman should feel in control of who is with her, and not feel pressured by anyone else's wishes or assumptions about how it should happen.