A Pregnant Mistake
On Friday night someone asked me the worst question you can ask a woman.
There I was, dressed to the nines (or the eights, in my case), feeling happy and looking good.
I was out enjoying drinks with friends in Kings Heath; just getting into the flow of the evening "yeah.." I thought to myself. "I've still got it. May have two kids but not let meself go. Look out Brum, here I come!"
Then it happened.
In the midst of my confident mood, the person I was chatting to asked the question that every woman dreads:
"So, what's new with you? You pregnant again?"
Oh. My. God. The vodka and slim-line tonic I was slurping nearly dribbled all over my boots. At that exact moment my sleek, straightened hair instantly went frizzy. My carefully applied make-up went blotchy. My chest flattened, bum sagged and my dazzling smile melted away.
And just in case there was any doubt as to whether she thought I actually looked pregnant, the pat on the belly that she gave me made sure there wasn't.
There's nothing like being asked if you're pregnant, then being patted on your gut to bring your self-image into clear focus.
What do you say when someone asks you that? (Unless of course you actually are gestating at that particular moment in time.) I just laughed it off with the obligatory "Ha ha ha! Oh, no! Not me! Just fat! Ha ha ha!"
About three seconds after that I left the pub to go home and kill myself. Luckily however, I was saved by my inability to pass King Kebab without going in and drowning my sorrows with mixed meat in naan bread smothered in chili sauce and mayonnaise.
Bah. This means that now I really must stop dodging Fat Club. I haven't been in weeks. I will go this Thursday. I will, I will, I will. And I shall take up doing 100 stomach crunches every day without fail. I will never again be mistaken for a woman with child, not unless someone actually sees me pushing one out. Never. Will embark on new, healthier life-style immediately.
Starting from tomorrow.
And in the immortal words of Jimmy Carr - it is better to see a pregnant woman standing up on a bus, than a fat woman sitting down crying.
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Emma Deadman - is a first-time mum-to-be. She gives her take on life... from bump to beyond.
Oh Laura, I just found this when searching on google for something that would cheer me up! I think my case its actually worse; I have never had children, never been pregnant, doesn't look as though that is going to happen- but every few months someone will look at my belly and congraulate me... I guess I carry my weight there and am quite slim in the hips- but it really, really gets me down.
We are not alone!
I'm glad I made you smile, Mel! Cheers for the comment!