Weigh Day 1

"I can't have put on that much! You read my tracker, you see what I've eaten. I've been to the gym every day, EVERY DAY, I'm tellin' you now. Where did it come from? Eh now? You tell me that."

I watched Kim, patiently trying to explain; "I'm not calling you a liar. I have to write what's on the scales, I can't help what the scales say."

Going to the meeting taught me two things. Firstly, that I hadn't put on as much as I imagined I had, and more importantly how to halve the number of points in a cottage pie. Although, I'm fairly sure I could have worked out how to do that by myself: basically remove the meat, remove the butter, remove the cooking oil and replace all of the above with carrots. Failing that eat half as much.

It was at this point that Loud and Proud Sue broke into another rage as she realised that Kim was saying there were 11 points in a portion of Quorn mince.

"My book says there's 10. I'm being lied to. How am I supposed to know what I can eat and what I can't."

Yes Sue. I thought to myself. That's why you put on 4lbs this week. Because you ate an extra point's worth of vegetarian mince.

This is actually my second time round at Fat Club. I joined when The Kid was about six months old after the incident with the 'Fat Sock'. I lost a stone and got down to pre-preg size, which was great... going to the weigh-ins wasn't my highlight of the week though, thanks to The Boy and his mates.

I'd start out on my walk to the weigh-in and he'd loudly announce to all his little friends outside that I was going to Fat Club. As if that wasn't bad enough I'd have to walk the walk of shame back past them on the way home. I'd get a tribe of girls trotting up to me to ask how I'd done, and often I'd either have stayed the same or gained. This news was immediately yelled by bush-telegraph to all the kids on the street. The call of "She's put on 2lbs this weeeek!" Would go to the top of the road and beyond, probably all the way to Kings Heath High Street.

Worse still was time I actually took The Boy with me to a weigh-in. He walked up to the front of the queue and informed Kim of all the curries, biscuits and crisps I'd eaten. When he got a laugh for his efforts he went on to embellish his story, declaring I had all but shoved him out of the way as he'd begged me to leave the chocolates in the fridge alone.

I must have sounded like someone who loses all rational thought at the whiff of desserts, someone who would beat their own son to get to some cake. I shot The Boy 'The Look' and he quickly shut up, only breaking his silence to mutter to Kim on the way out of the door "Don't worry, I'll hide all the cakes next week. It's for her own good."

That is why I won't be taking him to any weigh-ins this time round, and also why I'll be making an effort to lose the half stone before the evenings grow lighter and the kids are playing out again.

I'd love to hear your own stories about the embarrassing things kids say. Email them to fromheretomaternity@live.co.uk