Losing a family member - how do you tell the kids?

By Laura Yates on Nov 23, 08 03:04 PM

I spent much time fretting and worrying about how to tell The Boy about Uncle Mark passing away.

As he is now at the ripe old age of 8 I decided to be honest, but not blunt. Tell him what had happened gently, but not waffle about angels or heaven. Ask him how he feels, but not tell him to be brave.

I thought about the wording and the tone of voice. I planned to hold his hand, to be prepared with tissues ready for the tears, the sadness, the huge sense of loss.

I waited in the playground, staring at the school doors as the bell rang. Sure enough, he came bounding out as happy as ever. I really didn't want to tell him what I had to say.

"Hello, Boy."
"Hello Mommy!"
"How are you? How's your day been?
"Fine." (this is the standard answer.)
"Good, that's nice. Listen, I've got some very sad news."
"What?" He looked suddenly anxious.
"Uncle Mark passed away today."
The Boy was very shocked - "How?" He said.
"It was very sudden, due to his epilepsy we think." I looked at his thoughtful face as he mulled over this information and awaited the tears that were bound to ensue.
"Well, he had a good life, and he'll be with granddad now, so that's okay. What's for dinner?"

I folded the tissues and put them back in my bag. How marvellous it must be to be a child sometimes.