Orchid watch

Along with fretting over impending labour and whether I'll make a good mum, I'm seriously starting to worry about Mr F.

Disregarding the docs who have calculated our baby will come on Valentine's Day, hubby has found a new way to determine my due date: The orchid.

The orchid in question has pride of place on our stairs landing and has slowly been coming back into bloom.

"The day it fully flowers is the day you will give birth," says Mr F.

Every day he trots past it on his way to work and yells me back an update.

"Not today, darling."

More worrying still, I believe him.