Fatherhood again

This has got to have been the most eventful 4 weeks of my life...so much so...I've got to do it in parts!

On March 16th my wife gave birth to a perfectly perfik baby boy. Weighing in at just under 9lbs with all fingers and toes and bits in place, we had not a worry in the world. Which is quite a contrast to our state just 7 hours earlier...

My wife was giving it some in the early stages of labour when in walks the grotesque and incomprehensible village idiot, otherwise known as the 'junior doctor'. I make no apologies for my vitriolic fervour against them as I am writing not as a professional, but as plain ol' punter that is thoroughly p***** off!

Time and time again, the village idiots would wonder in, have a gander and then proceed to tell us in that lovely doctor type of way that, if we don't act now, our baby might die because he is already 16 days over the due date and the labour wasn't 'progressing' according to their timetable.

They desperately tried to coerce us into having an induced labour via a synthetic hormone. We had done our research, discussed it with 20+ mums who had recently used it, and had specified in our birth plan that we categorically didn't want it. But did that stop them?

One after another, they came in with a 'new' piece of evidence. 'If your baby ingests the meconium stool, he could die instanteously'. 'Look at the heart rate, it dipped twice in the last 10 hours and could mean that he will be still born'.

I mean really! Did they have to be so bloody blatant! Its only because I've grown up around doctors and know what arses most of them are that I could just ignore them. But my good lady was in a rather emotional state and being told that she is being irresponsible while in the throws of labour, I suggest are not the best bedside manners?

It wasn't until the new shift change and a blonde haired village idiot decided it was time for a c-section that I demanded to see our consultant.

Minutes later...enter the first Doctor we had met in the Womens Hospital ever. Mr Piri is the don of all dons.

He listened and he actually looked like he was listening. He talked to us like adults that had half a brain and he laughed at and apologised for the village idiots and their scare tactics.

Everything he said is a matter of weighing out risks. All that was said to us was true, but how it was presented to us made it entirely false. The probabilities of all these things going wrong were miniscule and should not therefore be used a means to make grand decisions like a c-section, when our birth plan had specified this to be a route of last, last resort.

To cut a long story short, she had a perfectly natural delivery, the baby was 'blissing out' on milk in no time and I, was thoroughly exhausted.

The whole thing was a great experience. We had fought the village idiots with 4 children and finally won the battle. So my advice is: By-pass the village idiots completely and demand to see your consultant as soon as you go in. It's your right!