Results tagged “Andy Abraham” from Birmingham Mail - Blog Rockin' Beats

So another Eurovision Song Contest has come and gone, eh?

And where did Britain come? Joint last!!! Got to love the controversy that has followed. Yes political voting played a part, as it has done for years, in deciding the winner (whoever that was). We knew it would so it is no suprise.

But that doesn't explain why the UK entrant Andy Abraham came last with just 14 points. One current theory is that the whole of Europe wanted to see Britain humiliated so everyone voted against us!! While it would come as no surprise to find some countries dishing out poor marks to the UK based purely on a hatred towards this island, it's hard to believe almost everyone was thinking like this.

Perhaps, instead, we should look at the actual song. Abraham wrote Even If himself and let's just say he's no Dylan. A sample lyric: "Even if the world stops love, I could never stop loving you. Even, if the sun stops rising, I want to wake up with you." What?? I wrote better lyrics than that when I was a fifth former dreaming of being in a band like Guns N Roses.

How about "Even if cows stop being milked, I want to make a milkshake for you" or "Even if I never become deaf, I want to have hearing problems when this song comes on the radio"?

Ah, Andy Abraham. Where did it all go wrong? He was a bin man but then his career took a nosedive when he, not only appeared on X Factor, but lost. To Shayne "UK's Justin Timberlake" Ward. (Does that make Andy the UK's Dustbin Timberlake?).

Britain prides itself on not taking the contest seriously and then spends forever complaining when the chosen song does extremely badly. But Even If came joint last because it was rubbish, quite frankly.

So, to paraphrase the greatest bit of football commentary ever, I just want to say Terry Wogan, Gordon Brown, Maggie Thatcher, Simon Cowell, Lord Nelson, Dot Cotton, The Queen, Cliff Richard, Sandie Shaw and Bucks Fizz. Can you hear me? Bucks Fizz, your boy took a hell of a beating...because he was Euro trash.

I got bored of trying to think of a pun for the title of my weekly singles review so I went for a "does exactly what it says on the tin" effort. Plus I couldn't think of a witty one so here we are. This week's bunch will be reviewed against the following ratings guide:

*****Berry Gordy
****Chuck Berry
***The Cranberries
**Strawberry Switchblade
*Nick Berry

"Soul On Fire" - Spiritualized
Well what a start to this week's single review. Brilliant and very welcome return from Jason Pierece's psychdelic, experimental mob. And considering he was in intensive care following a serious illness in 2005 makes this even more triumphant.
This single will go down a treat live (speaking of which they will be at the Academy in Brum on October 15). But wait till you hear the new album Songs In A&E, released on Monday. It's a majestic, sweeping beauty (particularly the epic Baby I'm Just A Fool)!
****

"Take A Bow" - Rihanna
Look, I know. She drove everyone mad with her Umbrella (ella, ella, eh, eh, eh etc) track but credit where it's due. This is a pretty good ballad, she proves she has a fine voice and I can't see it being half as annoying as the Umbrella (ella, ella, eh, eh, eh etc) single.
Plus, as ever, she looks great in the video - just as she did in the video for that Umbrella (ella, ella, eh, eh, eh etc) song.
***

"Radio Heart" - The Futureheads
Maybe it's because I liked their version of Kate Bush's Hounds of Love, but I really wanted to like this song.
But, while it isn't the worst in the world, it's just a bit underwhelming. Left me with the feeling of, "Oh, is that it?" Perhaps they should stick to doing quirky cover versions...
**

"Not In England" - The Daves
Speaking of underwhelmng. Actually, not so much underwhelming as just plain old dull. If I was to be kind, I would say it was like a Noel Gallagher-sung Oasis track from one of their last two or three albums - one never likely to make it as a single but on the album all the same.
It's almost as if they recorded it to give the words ' below average' an audio definition.
**

"Tickle Me Pink" - Johnny Flynn
Oh this is much more like it. I was begining to think this week's best singles had peaked at the first with Spiritualized's "Soul On Fire".
This is a delightful country, folk-rock effort. An engaging, charming little romp on CD. Can't say I'd heard much about him before but this will encourage further investigation.
****

"Even If" - Andy Abraham
Even If this was a good song (see what I did there?), it would be lambasted because it is part of the pathetic joke that is Eurovision and the fools at BBC have postponded the awesome Doctor Who in favour of screening this ridiculous competition.
Then to rub salt in my wounds, this song is pants. You know when people say things like "my two-year-old can write better songs than that" and you just think, "yeah, right"? Well, I have a nephew who isn't even two yet and he really can do better than this. Check out the lyrics - they are laughably bad. Perhaps I should write a separate blog about it...
*

"Snowflake" - Garage Jams feat Clare Evans
Oh, for crying out loud, what's this? A meeting of the rubbish lyricists? After the genius of Andy Abraham's Euro trash effort, I give you: "Kiss me like a snowflake that melts on my skin". What?!?!?!?!
Incredibly stupid lyrics sung over the tired, repetitive beat the drives all dance club hits these days - GO AWAY!
*

"Turn Tail" - The Young Knives
This is a brilliant single but, leaving that aside, the way they recorded the acoustic version of this deserves special mention.
Apparently, they cut it directly on to vinyl in one take at their London studio. How cool is that?!
****

"Lamb & Lion" - The Mai Shi
A glorious mish mash of different songs - some electro, some rock and some just plain mental!
Almost impossible not to bounce along to this, a silly grin fixed permanently to your face. Absolutely love it - and it pips Spiritualized to my coveted single of the week award.
*****