Recently by Gurdip Thandi

A decent batch of singles this week which is a shame as I wanted to be nasty. But I can only work with what's put in front of me so, without further ado, here is a selection of the new releases. This week, they'll be judged by the following ratings:

*****Kelly Brook
****Trevor Brooking
***Smallbrook Queensway
**Brooke Hogan
*Steve Brookenstein

"That's Not My Name" - The Ting Tings
One of the bright new things of 2008 (yawn) although I'm not sure of that - especially with lyrics such as "they call me Jane, that's not my name".
But I have to admit that I actually kind of like this. A sort of guilty pleasure, very much like Shampoo's "classic" Trouble in 1994.
***

"The Only One" - The Cure
Jangly guitars, introspective lyrics and Robert Smith's unmistakable whiney vocals means I'm in bliss!
It's classic Cure and to add to the joy, they'll be releasing a single on the 13th of the next three months until the as-yet-untitled new album is released in September.
****

"I Want It" - Chanelle Hayes
I don't. I really don't want this. What was I saying about this week's good singles? It's like the worst Britney Spears song, gone totally wrong.
But what was I expecting from a Big Brother reject, Posh Spice wannabe? Although, to be fair to Chanelle, Mrs Beckham would probably kill to be this "good".
*

"Ghosts" - Ladytron
A killer slice of dark, slightly ghostly, electro indie pop from the Liverpool four-piece.
And, if this fantastic single is anything to go by, their fourth album Velocifero (released next month) will be a new wave corker.
****

"This Is An Emergency" - The Pigeon Detectives
They are either adored by their loyal fanbase or vilified by the indie music press but, to be honest, I can't see how they provoke either reaction.
You see, this is just predictable samey guitar pop and if it was on the radio right now, I probably wouldn't realise it was them.
**

"Bad Kids/Leroy Faster" - Black Lips
What's not to like about Black Lips? They sound like a psychedelic, 60s guitar band but play with their tongues planted firmly in their cheeks.
They can be childish and outrageous, but they are also witty and the fact that they refer to themselves as 'flower punks' means they deserve the single of the week label.
**** (and a half)

"Salute Your Solution" - The Raconteurs
Blues meets garage pop. Led Zeppelin meets punk. Whatever...this is another delightful piece of rock n' roll!
Surely the band deserves to be seen now as more than just a side project for Brendan Benson and Jack White while they take a break from the day job.
****

"Nobody's Diary" - Yazoo
A textbook early 80s, synth pop gem and it still sounds awesome today. It has been remastered and the great melody and superb vocals by Alison Moyet sound as fresh as they did all those years ago.
A box set featuring the band's two albums, along with other goodies, to coincide with a reunion tour are also set to send the UK Yazoo mad.
****

Sir Paul McCartney. One quarter of The Beatles. The McCartney in the Lennon-McCartney song-writing partnership which changed the face of British pop music in the 60s.

And yet according to a poll, he is the most annoying pop star in the world. What on earth do they base this on? Well, according to Craig Dawson, head of www.musicmagpie.co.uk, who published the list, people are fed up with Macca because he has "driven people up the wall with his 'holier than thou' approach to his divorce, two-fingered peace gesture and penchant for wearing trainers with suits".

Well, there you go then. He is the most annoying musician because of non-music related reasons. More annoying than Robbie Williams, Liam Gallagher, Mick Hucknall, Jay Kay, The Spice Girls, Bono, Bob Geldof, The Cheeky Girls, James Blunt and Johnny Borrell.

Well, sorry, I can't accept that. Macca should never have been anywhere near the Top 10 based on his contribution to music. I don't care for the reasons given, he was the driving force behind most of The Beatles best work. Ok, his subsequent Wings and solo work was patchy and at times awful (The Frog Chorus anyone?) but I'll forgive him anything because he gave us Penny Lane, Hey Jude, Here There and Everywhere and Blackbird to name a few.

Of course, he is upstaged in most people's eyes by John Lennon but I suppose that is what you get when you are not gunned down at a relatively young age. No one would deny Lennon's brilliance, but Paul was his equal. And he is far more likeable as a person than Lennon ever was.

It was Paul who formed a band, got in a bus and toured Student Unions and small venues after The Beatles split, while the others revelled in their rock God status - a far more punkish and man of the people attitude than "imaginging no possessions" while sitting at a grand piano in your plush New York home.

John was a genius and worthy of hero worship. But it would be nice if people got over themselves and stopped mocking a true music legend.

Here are a few of this week's new singles that I have put before my critical ears. And, as always, they will be judged using the following ratings:

***** Rocky
**** Rambo - First Blood
*** Cliffhanger
** Lock Up
* Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot

"Falling Down" - Scarlett Johansson
She's beautiful, a great actress and just to prove she is closing in on perfection, she releases this dazzling, unique, Wall Of Sound-ish gem.
It's a Tom Waits cover with David Bowie on backing vocals and is far better than people may have been expecting. SJ's deep, near-Nico style vocals add to the sense of drama on this track. An unexpected delight.
****

"Beloved" - Minnie Driver
Another song, another Hollywood actress crossing the divide. But the difference here is Minnie already has last year's Sea Stories album, where this is lifted from, under her belt.
A more conventional, country-tinged rock effort than Scarlett's single, but a solid effort nevertheless.
***

"In My Arms" - Kylie Minogue
I will argue till the day I die that Some Kind Of Bliss remains her best song, despite the British public largely ignoring it.
But here she sticks to her current winning disco formula and she delivers again. Deliciously catchy, a dancefloor filling hit-in-the-making from a girl it's impossible not to adore.
****

"That's What You Get" - Paramore
Maybe it's just me, but this sounds more like an "edgy" effort by someone who was probably the winner or runner-up on American Idol.
Of course. it's anything but edgy and has radio-friendly stamped all over it. It's not bad, it's just a tad unremarkable and the sort of power pop effort that could be on in the background without you ever noticing.
** (and a half)

"Alone" - Celine Dion
Incredible. And not in a good way. She somehow contrives to make Heart's orginal, overblown, epic sound as soft and under-stated as a Nick Drake song.
Having a voice that can shatter windows from 100 miles away is NOT good. It's been 10 years since she inflicted that horrid Titanic theme on us, but unfortunately her career hasn't gone the same way as the famous old boat did...
*

"Poison" - Martina Topley-Bird
What a welcome sound for sore ears! Her long awaited second album The Blue God is finally out next week, five years after he first LP, and this is a superb taster.
It's clever, it's infectious and it's actually pure pop but, as ever, her gorgeous voice remains the main highlight - just as it was on her debut Quixotic and Tricky's first two albums back in the 90s.
*****

"Daddy-O" - Wideboys feat Shaznay Lewis
A little curious, this collaboration. Why would the most talented one from All Saints lend her vocals to what is really a monotonous dance track?
Whatever her reasons, this isn't the mess it could have been, although it'll probably struggle to avoid not getting lost amongst a million other dance tracks out currently out there.
***

"Galaxy of the Lost" - Lightspeed Champion
A quite lovely piece of folk rock from the former Test Icicles man.
It may be acoustic driven but there are enough twists and turns to lift it beyond the ordinary.
***

"Bluebirds Flying High" - James Fox and Cardiff City FC
Oh how we laughed as all those David's slayed Goliaths including Manchester United, Liverpool, Chelsea, in this year's FA Cup.
But we are not laughing now we realise Portsmouth v Cardiff awaits us at Wembley. Be honest, other than fans of the clubs, how many will watch without a Ronaldo, a Torres, a Drogba or a Fabregas on show? Thought so.
Oh the song? Well, it's sub standard Championship fare, like the team it backs, and is littered with golden lyrical nuggets such as "We are Cardiff City and we're going to Wembley". Where's Chas & Dave when you need 'em?
**

My review of some of the singles out this week. A little later than intended because Paul Scholes, to paraphrase the Manics, stole the sun from my heart on Tuesday. But here goes anyway:

***** Grange Hill
**** Benny Hill
*** Cypress Hill
** Damon Hill
* Jimmy Hill

"Daylight" - Kelly Rowland
Upbeat, catchy and full of joy so this is either a great tune to lift your day or an annoyingly happy one that makes you want to smash the radio - it all depends on your mood.
So this week I hate it...but recognise I might not feel this way next week.
*/****

"God" - Attic Lights
Their name might be pants but this is pitched somewhere between The Flaming Lips and Lemonheads and is a jaunty little song.
But ignore that. Go on their MySpace page and look in the blog where they offer you an exclusive online chat with God itself! That's much more fun...
***

"It's About Time" - One Night Only
What is it with people this week? Don't they know I'm in a football-related bad mood? Why do they taunt me with their bouncy feelgood songs?
Although, got to give kudos for the suckerpunch of a line "then it came to me clearly that I don't need you anymore" after spending most of the song pining for a great lost love. Nice.
****

"Propane Nightmares" - Pendulum
Pendulum are getting a bit of grief from drum and bass purists for incorporating rock into their sound, but if they get over themselves, they'll realise this is a quality tune.
And, anyway, the EP has remixes on it to keep the old school fans happy.
****

"Maybe" - Jay Sean
Bland, polished, over-produced - so no doubt destined to be a massive hit.
Really, who buys this rubbish? Whoever you are, stop it! You are only encouraging him to make more...
*

"Rich Woman" - Robert Plant and Alison Krauss
Amidst all the Led Zeppelin reunion hoo-hah, it was easy to let this collaboration slip under the radar and out of view.
But it works really well and this laid-back bluesy number is a fine advert for the Raising Sands album.
****

"Never Never Love" - Pop Levi
How can you not like this? Irresistable, unforgettable slice of electronica which will get into your head and stay there. For ages.
He is kind of like an electronic Beck in terms of his inventiveness and ear for a great tune.
****

"Who's That Girl?" - Robyn
This is the latest single from the Swedish star who enjoyed massive success last year with that With Every Heartbeat song.
And if you get the impression that I haven't actually bothered listening to this song yet and am just buying time by rambling on about one of her past hits, you'd be right.
***

"Swords Of Truth" - These New Puritans
If a big beat dance group, such as Underworld, was fronted by The Fall's Mark E Smith, it might sound a little like this.
It's clever, it's eclectic and light years ahead of anything most other new British bands will offer up this year. Single of the week for me.
****

"Let's Talk About It" - White Denim
Let's not.
**

Driving home with the Stone Roses' classic, funky, epic, dancey, (insert other superlatives here) tune I Am The Resurrection blasting out the stereo got me thinking.

That timeless, eight minutes of sonic heaven, closes the Roses' wonderful self-titled debut album(which, incredibly, will be 20 years old next year! Doesn't time fly...). And I would offer the opinion that it is probably the best debut album of all time.

I started trying to think of better ones and I admit there are some serious contenders in my collection. I mean when you consider the first albums of The Specials, Chemical Brothers, The Las, Kate Bush, Massive Attack, Guns N Roses, The Velvet Underground, Ramones, Sex Pistols, The Strokes, Beastie Boys and Led Zeppelin to name a tiny few of so many, picking one out as the best seems impossible.

But, after giving it considerable thought, I still come back to the awesome, genre-crossing opening statement that brought four cocky Manchester boys to the music world's attention.

So, come on then. Let's hear it...what do you think is the best debut album of all time?

Here is my review of some of the singles released this week. And this week they will be given a rating using the following guide:

***** Billie Piper
**** Sport Billy
*** The Beverley Hillbillies
** Billy from EastEnders
* Billy Ray Cyrus

"Our Time Now" - Plain White T's
Yeah, ok it's upbeat and seems to be wanting to welcome the summer in but it's just, well, bland and a few minutes of nothing in particular.
And if this is considered single material then I think I'll give the album a miss.
**

"Courtship Dating" - Crystal Castles
At times, the sounds on this are reminiscent of a game loading up on the ZX Spectrum or an Atari. Which is great!
Unfortunately not as mental or noisy as "Alice Practice" but don't let that put you off as this is more melodic and another winner.
****

"Your Love Is A Lie" - Simple Plan
A mid-tempo rocker which will no doubt be lapped up by crowds at festivals and stuff. A bit like Green Day's "Boulevard of Broken Dreams", only not as good.
It's one of those songs which will be played on the radio a lot and people will recognise it but you won't find anyone admitting to actually buying it.
**

"Cold Shoulder" - Adele
A cracking tune, a cracking voice making an all round cracking song that deserves to be as successful as Chasing Pavements.
Blue-eyed soul in the noughties exactly how it should be.
****

"Maps" - Phil Campbell
Blimey! I saw his name and immediately thought of the lead guitarist of Motorhead.
So imagine my shock when, rather than being a solo single from the thrash metal axeman, it turned out to be a country-tinged rock effort sung with a polished radio-friendly voice.
***

"This Gift" - Sons and Daughters
Remember the early 80s Aussie soap Sons and Daughters? Nothing to do with this single, I was just asking.
Produced by ex-Suede guitarist Bernard Butler, this has a more power pop feel to it than their previous efforts. Very catchy indeed.
***

"She Doesn't Belong To Me" - Pete and the Pirates
Not as immediate or memorable as "Mr Understanding" but quirky enough to warrant your attention.
Plus their name is pretty cool and that matters a lot!
***

"The Girl You Lost" - Sia
Buy, beg, steal or borrow a copy of this song because it's just utterly fantastic and unquestionably my single of the week.
She has always had a voice to fall in love with with songs to match and this is no different. Absolutely wonderful.
*****

"Paris, Tokyo" - Lupe Fiasco
Following "Superstar" was always going to be a difficult task but credit to Mr Fiasco as I think he has made quite a smart move with this one.
Sort of laid back and cool in a Fun Lovin' Criminals kind of way.
***

"Backfire At The Disco" - The Wombats
Arctic Monkeys-style "young working class bloke" lyrics? Check. Inexplicable hype surrounding the band? Check. No different to gazillions of bands out there? Check.
But hang on. Hasn't this been released before? Or is that familiarity just a sign of its unoriginality? Whatever, no doubt it'll be played to death on raido, used on adverts before it crowbars itself into your head.
**

Don't worry, I'm not going to talk about the trendiest and most popular rehab camp for celebrities. No The Priory I want to draw your attention to is far healthier and contains more talent within.

For those of you not in the loop, they are one of the best unsigned bands around. Annoyingly, it's hard to pin the Wolverhampton four piece down to any genre when trying to describe them but that's minor complaint when you are presented with the thrilling music.

Of course, they have been featured in the Mail a couple of times in the past and news of them is spreading further afield. They supported The Twang just before they broke through (and respect to the Brummies who have since plugged their pals in the national music press) and earned their way on Radio Two DJ Janice Long's playlists.

They are currently working on an album, although they are an even better proposition live! Luckily, they have a show lined up at the Kamikaze! 444Club at The Rainbow in Birmingham on July 4.

You can get their Human Make-up EP on iTunes (featuring my personal favourite Ask Yourself) and you can find out so much more about them at http://www.myspace.com/thepriory

Do yourself a favour and check them out...

Last weekend saw the return of Britain's Got Talent. I have to admit, these TV talent shows are not my cup of tea. But I do respect Simon Cowell. Anyone who can turn the likes of Steve Brookenstein and Michelle McManus into pop stars, albeit briefly, and become stinking rich on the back of them must have something about them.

I'm not intending on watching it but I'm willing to bet the following incidents will take place over the coming weeks:

*Simon will insult someone and is then confronted by them/their family in a "dramatic" showdown
*Amanda Holden will burst into tears during an "emotional" performance
*A 16-year-old will tell Ant and Dec that they have waited "all their life" for the opportunity to show off their talents to the public
*Simon will tell one wannabe that they could be the next Leona Lewis
*Piers Morgan will try to out-do Simon in the bad judge stakes
*We will have the obligatory "against all odds" contestant who is suffering from some sort of illness or affliction
*Having seen the success of Sutton six-year-old Connie Talbot last year, pushy young parents will offer up their newborn babies in a desperate attempt to make their child the youngest ever entrant
*A countless number of "new" Paul Potts (he was last year's winner, remember?!) will audition under the misguided belief that an opera singer will win for the second year in a row
*The most entertaining acts will not be music-based so, naturally, they won't win
*A youngster who fails to make it through will cry his or her eyes out moaning how their life is over...at the age of 12.
*A brilliant entrant will be touted as one of the favourites, only for some controversy to emerge that means they have to be kicked out
*The winner will not be the bookies' favourite

Not that I think the show is predictable and formulaic...

A review of some of the many singles out this week. And they will be judged by the following ratings:

***** Sean Connery
**** Pierce Brosnan
*** Roger Moore
** Timothy Dalton
* George Lazenby

"I Can't Wait" - Akon
After the first listen, this just sounded like a bland, R&B by numbers song. I couldn't bear to listen to it again, so if it's a grower I'll probably never know. To be honest, it sounded so bad I'd rather listen to a Britney Spears song...
*

"Break The Ice" - Britney Spears
Ok, I asked for that. But, actually, this isn't as bad as I feared, considering the car crash that has been her recent life. In fact, considering her troubles, I'll give her extra credit as this is a solid, pop song. Dare I say it, even one of her best. Although, let's be honest, that's hardly high praise, is it?
***

"Machine Gun" - Portishead
Stop what you're doing, gather everyone around the record player (or computer if you shop at iTunes) and listen to this slice of brilliance. They are back, with Beth Gibbons singing like an angel over dark, industrial beats. Oh, just go ahead and buy it...NOW!
*****

"I Should've Been After You" - Rooney
Nope, Man U's Wayne hasn't decided to follow in the footsteps of singing football legends Hoddle & Waddle to try to match their 80s masterpiece "Diamond Lights". Instead, this toe-tapping, quite charming little effort with clever(ish) lyrics will delight fans and...well, just fans really.
***

"Corners (EP)" - The Rushes
Oh terrific, a guitar band called 'The' something - exactly what we need and have lacked...Mildly catchy, nothing ground-breaking but if you are a fan of Snow Patrol and The Killers and wondered what a mash up of those two would sound like...then you probably need help.
**

"Cry For You (You'll Never See Me Again)" - September
(Good)
*

"Happiness" - Goldfrapp
A gorgeous song with Alison Goldfrapp's breathy, lush vocals sounding perfect over a lovely tune. "How do you find happiness?" she asks on this. Well, listening to this certainly helps with the search.
****

"Belief In God Is So Adorable" - Gay For Johnny Depp
This song comes across a little like a heavy metal Muse...well, to these big ears it does anyway. And at just under two minutes, the song is unlikely to ever outstay it's welcome. Plus their name makes me giggle so they deserve a mention!
***

"Let It Go" - Keyshia Cole feat Missy Elliot and Lil Kim
Blimey! How much help do you need on one song? While all three have put their names to better stuff than this, it steers well clear of the mess it could have been.
***

"Wanderlust" - Bjork
Now I'm a big fan of Bjork so you could accuse me of being biased. But then I wouldn't be a big fan if it wasn't for her wonderfully unique, unpredictable, music, like this gem. So there!
****

...who decides what goes into these themed compilations anyway? On what basis do they decide the songs which go in, say a Mother or Father's Day collection?

According to these people, my dad loves stuff like Mott the Hoople's All The Young Dudes and Steppenwolf's Born To Be Wild. They really haven't met my dad...

And why do they think all mothers love Il Divo and Westlife? My mum can't stand most, if not all, music made after 1990. She really prefers stuff like The Police or Blondie over Boyzone or the Spice Girls. But when was the last time a record company opted for Roxanne or Rip Her To Shreds over You Raise Me Up or some other sugar-coated, sickly excuse of a song, eh?