Single File

Another selection of singles for me to cast my critical eye over. This week, they will be judged by the following ratings:

***** Denise Van Outen
**** Marco Van Basten
*** Van Halen
** LDV Vans Trophy
* Jean Claude Van Damme

"Crank It Up" - Hadouken!
Now, I like Hadouken as much as the next person who likes them. But, is it me or do all their singles sound the same?
I mean, take some shouty manic vocals and place them over an 80s-ish electronic beat and hey presto! Here we go. Still, does the job it set out to do I suppose...
***

"Ring Road" - Underworld
Arrrrgggggghhhh! Don't mention ring road to me as I'm from Walsall and every resident will understand why I'm twitching nervously at the very thought.
Great to have Underworld back though with their big beat sound, even if this sails dangerously close to The Streets at times.
***

"Stay" - Jay Sean
No! Go away. Far, far, away from here. That's it, just keep on walking straight out of that door and take your awful, sub standard pop music with you.
Blander than the blandest thing on sale at the Bland Superstore in Blandsville.
*

"Toe Jam" - The BPA (feat Dizzee Rascal and David Byrne)
Fatboy Slim's latest project is gloriously strange and catchy and features the forever incredible ex-Talking Heads mainman David Byrne, not to mention a star cameo appearance from Mr Rascal!
If you can listen to it and not get the urge to run around, leaping and dancing with gay abandon, then you are made of stone or dead from the top of your head down.
*****

"Big Bros" - Joyriders
A mash up of the Big Brother theme and Bros' "When Will I Be Famous" (hey, why not?!).
Perhaps Bros should reform. I mean, every other awful boy band seems to be getting back together to raise a bit of cash and adulation from ageing fans who really should know better.
**

"Shine On" - The Kooks
More tuneful garage rock, with a hint of country, from the Brighton boys.
Much of the same as before really and will undoubtedly please their fans, NME readers and the like.
***