Cowell's got...a cash cow!

Last weekend saw the return of Britain's Got Talent. I have to admit, these TV talent shows are not my cup of tea. But I do respect Simon Cowell. Anyone who can turn the likes of Steve Brookenstein and Michelle McManus into pop stars, albeit briefly, and become stinking rich on the back of them must have something about them.

I'm not intending on watching it but I'm willing to bet the following incidents will take place over the coming weeks:

*Simon will insult someone and is then confronted by them/their family in a "dramatic" showdown
*Amanda Holden will burst into tears during an "emotional" performance
*A 16-year-old will tell Ant and Dec that they have waited "all their life" for the opportunity to show off their talents to the public
*Simon will tell one wannabe that they could be the next Leona Lewis
*Piers Morgan will try to out-do Simon in the bad judge stakes
*We will have the obligatory "against all odds" contestant who is suffering from some sort of illness or affliction
*Having seen the success of Sutton six-year-old Connie Talbot last year, pushy young parents will offer up their newborn babies in a desperate attempt to make their child the youngest ever entrant
*A countless number of "new" Paul Potts (he was last year's winner, remember?!) will audition under the misguided belief that an opera singer will win for the second year in a row
*The most entertaining acts will not be music-based so, naturally, they won't win
*A youngster who fails to make it through will cry his or her eyes out moaning how their life is over...at the age of 12.
*A brilliant entrant will be touted as one of the favourites, only for some controversy to emerge that means they have to be kicked out
*The winner will not be the bookies' favourite

Not that I think the show is predictable and formulaic...