Dear diary . . .
Karren Brady's diary column has caused a right hoo-hah.
In the best traditions of investigative journalism at the Birmingham Mail (well, with the help of a crystal ball and pure guesswork to be honest) we've managed to ascertain what her next, eagerly-awaited instalment is likely to be . . .
Monday
I hear my last column in the current bun was read by a couple of people. My team's manager, Alex McLeish, went all ruddy-faced apparently (no change there then, you know what these Scots are like with their whisky - just look at Alex Ferguson's nose). I don't know what the fuss is about, Alex rang me and said something about a 'Glasgow Kiss'. He's so affectionate, a big softie really.
Tuesday
My team is playing some side called Barnsley in some place called the Republic of York-shire. Alex's team go 1-0 down. A chap nicknamed 'The Mosquito' scores. He's obviously a pest (lol). Next thing my team equalise. Martin Taylor scores. Glad he didn't break anyone's leg in doing so (lol again). A 1-1 draw, but not good enough. David Sullivan is immediately on the phone asking if we have a buy-back for Steve Bruce. I tell him it will cost what we got for him - £3 million. The phone line suddenly goes dead. David? Hello?
Wednesday.
That Jose Mourinho eh? A square-jawed, dark and handsome brooding menace on the Old Trafford touchline (don't tell Paul). But forget the Special One; we've got Big Eck. Tell the truth, we've said something 'Eck' a lot this season in the boardoom - and the first word hasn't been 'Big', but something Gordon Ramsay utters a lot!
Thursday
That reminds me: have to say 'no' to an invite to appear on Celebrity Masterchef. You're not allowed to bring the house staff unfortunately. Comic Relief too gets turned down - we have enough of that every Saturday! Get e-mail from David Sullivan. He says that he will be at the AGM next year - it's being held in Theydon Bois village hall, Essex.
Friday
Long lunch with well-known Premier League figure whose initials are Peter Kenyon. We spot four Premier League chairmen, three managers and two players all having meals with pneumatic women - or in two cases, men - who are not their spouses. Alex McLeish rings. Says something about 'C U Jimay'. I think it's another loan signing he wants from Asia. That will bring bring our squad to a round 1,000 players then; Barry Fry eat your heart out. Just before I'm due for evening cocktails with a notorious owner of a club in the north east whose initials are Mike Ashley (I wish he would stop taking his shirt off when he necks pints of tequila sunrise) an agent rings. He offers us 'another Costly player'. I cut him off. Too many of those. Turns out it's Carlos's brother, for free. I tell Alex if we can move on Djimi Traore's £100-a-week wage, he can have him.
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Colin Tattum - Mail man Colin Tattum’s view of what’s going on at Birmingham City FC.
Excellent stuff Tatts, may I be the first to wish you luck in your search for a new job
Brilliant! Make him Brady's PA
Excellent stuff, Tatts, absolutely excellent
I bet you wish you could REALLY let the cat out of the bag, though, eh? ;)
high titts, howe you doeing? Vila vila
TrinityGirl.
I'm hurt! When I agreed to buy you that bag of chips and we went behind Aldi and, well, y'know, I never dreamt that just a few days later you'd be on here, flirting with some journalistic slaphead. Is there no end to the depths you'll stoop to?
Check your brakes next time you leave Wast Hills; will be a shame to lose you. The real scoop would be to publish the original text of the offending Diary submission before the Sun's sub-editors got hold of it for the benefit of us lager-sodden oafs. I'm sure it will all prove to be a fuss about nothing :-)
IP3eely
I lett youwe putt it in mee spezial plaice and i cudent pheele nuffin. end ov
vila vila
What a waste of money those chips were. :(
I should have just bought a battered sausage and thrown it up an alley.
TrinityGirl - aren't you now supposed to be following Wolves?
unlucky tatts thats the end of your inside info at the blues! i suppose deep down your feeling as bitter as most fans are about this seasons performances!
I can't wait to see the full version after Tatts claims it was edited and sounded harsher that it was meant to ...
The above blog is funnier and more relevant than a journal by a managing director who would rather court the publicity and take the money than keep her thoughts behind close doors in the appropriate manner.
It is a shame all her good work will be forgotten among her PR blunders.
AM may not be the fan's favourite, he can at least show KB and the rest of the board how to act with humility and respect in public
Wise words Scoobers. In fact that is the best comment i've ever read on any message board on the entire internet. Keep up the good work, love thongs xxx
P.S. what do you think about the Everton sh1t parcels Tatts?
Tatts.
Did you copy that from me?
I heard it wasn't edited at all it is what she sent to the Sun. Don't think Tatts ever said that either she did. Great read and just about sums us up
excellent tatts. nearly as funny as ron's report on valentine's day which was full of meta-somethings.
Ron and Tatts must be the same person. I've never seen them in the same room together.
Me neither
If she takes offence, don't worry. I have some Easter Eggs to help smooth things over.
Thank heavens someone's finally raised this issue. My fellow Premiership bosses and I are well miffed that this publicity-crazed no-mark drops our names in her wretched article every single week. Why doesn't she pester someone like Simon Jordan or the Chairman of Barnsley, rather than pretend she's part of our exclusive club?
Excellent Tatts
If you ever get a job as Sports Editor at The Sun (I hope you're never that desperate) don't forget to demand one year of image rights from The Mail and make sure your National Insurancer stamp is up to date
In Eck We Trust !
KRO, Keep up the good 'inside' scoops
Excellent Blog Tatts. Brightened up my week after losing my house at Cheltenham. Can't see it causing a problem, as parents the first thing we teach our kids is "If you give it out, you must learn to take it!!!"
If anything, AM has come out of this with alot more respect from Blues fans by not reacting to it. I'm not sure who the advisors are down St Andrews but that Sun column is the butt of all Saturday Morning (soccer a.m, Talksport etc) jokes and for the wrong reasons unfortunately.
Maybe the board should re-visit the 10 point plan and see how many of their "10 Commandments" were broken in 1 foul swoop!!!
Keep up the good work mate.
Excellent Blog Tatts. Brightened up my week after losing my house at Cheltenham. Can't see it causing a problem, as parents the first thing we teach our kids is "If you give it out, you must learn to take it!!!"
If anything, AM has come out of this with alot more respect from Blues fans by not reacting to it. I'm not sure who the advisors are down St Andrews but that Sun column is the butt of all Saturday Morning (soccer a.m, Talksport etc) jokes and for the wrong reasons unfortunately.
Maybe the board should re-visit the 10 point plan and see how many of their "10 Commandments" were broken in 1 foul swoop!!!
Keep up the good work mate.
I am one of the beer swilling Blues fans Brady loves so much. The 10 point plan should have an 11th point:her date of resignation. Agree with Gov. we are the butt of all jokes because of her. Penny pinch, rake in profit, promote themselves off the back of the club and can't deliver signings but two relegations in three years. It's time to go
Colin,
your not welcome at our pigsty any more.
who cares what anyone says and what is written in newspapers.
all i care about is the Mighty Blues score.
if we win im as happy as larry.
play good or play bad,who cares,dont want to know.
im skanking to don tomorrow,support where its needed,were gonna be iron like a lion in zion.KRO.
well done tatts about time she had a taste of her own bile keep up the good work look forward to the next diary cheers