Spoon jar, jar spoon
If Alex McLeish ever decides this managing lark is not for him, then he could pick between becoming the new Barry Norman or joining the after dinner speaking circuit.
The Blues manager invited myself, photographer Tim Easthope and Blues PR and media pair Chris Kershaw and Chris Alcock out for a drink in one of Westendorf's quiet bars as the pre-season tour in Austria wound to a close.
It ended up as one of those evenings you look back on and realise sometimes you are privileged in this job to get such an opportunity to chat freely with football people in a relaxed environment.
McLeish is a great story teller and regaled us with anecdotes from his playing days at Aberdeen, which offered an absorbing insight to Sir Alex Ferguson's drive and man-management, and with Scotland.
He talked about what it was like in the Glasgow pressure-cooker at Rangers as well, all sorts of players from all sorts of countries he has played against, bossed, or knows about, and his enthusiasm for the task in hand at Blues.
He came up with a great lookalike for Jordon Mutch - David Walliams - when the subject turned to how far the wonderkid could go (far, by the way).
And when Heatwave's Boogie Nights was played on the sound system, he broke off and joined in to one of the songs of his youth (1976, pop pickers).
The conversation moved onto films, and McLeish's knowledge of all genres is encyclopedic, from Sergio Leone to the Coen bothers, you name it, he knows it.
As you do, we all started to quote great movie lines at one another.
Joe Pesci in Goodfellas ('Funny like a clown? Funny how?'), The Godfather, Reservoir Dogs got airings, plus my terrible impression of Sean Connery doing a terrible impression of an Irish cop in The Untouchables ('. . . he sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue . . .').
It wasn't long before the topic covered was comedy. Phoenix Nights is a particular favourite of McLeish's and by the time we got round to the Marx brothers and Tommy Cooper, the jokes were being cracked thick and fast.
Today, I got a text from my mate Mark Coates in London to ask did that 'surreal' moment really happen after he rang me and I passed my mobile to the manager of Birmingham City so he could relay to us round the table Mark's full repertoire of Cooperisms.
As the well of material began to lessen and the night ticked on, and following more chit-chat about nothing in particular, McLeish went back to the team hotel and left the rest of us to it.
You sensed he needed a break from the stresses of the norm on tour as well, and perhaps the chance to brush up on his de Niro impressions, if not Tommy Cooper.
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Colin Tattum - Mail man Colin Tattum’s view of what’s going on at Birmingham City FC.
"The Blues manager invited myself, photographer Tim Easthope and Blues PR and media pair Chris Kershaw and Chris Alcock out for a drink in one of Westendorf's quiet bars as the pre-season tour in Austria wound to a close."
It sounds like old Tom Ross is missing out. He's over inflated ego won't be able to stand it. lol
I just couldn't help this one - and no apologies:
If Tommy Cooper were alive today:
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, 'That's Aboriginal.'
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This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.
It was a turtle disaster.
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I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said 'Tenpin?' I said, 'No, permanent.'
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I went in to a pet shop. I said, 'Can I buy a goldfish?' The guy said, 'Do you want an aquarium?' I said, 'I don't care what star sign it is.'
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I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet.
'Best before End'
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I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said 'Analogue.' I said 'No, just a watch.'
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I went into a shop and I said, 'Can someone sell me a kettle.' The bloke said 'Kenwood' I said, 'Where is he then?'
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My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bi-satchel.
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I went to the doctor. I said to him 'I'm frightened of lapels.' He said, 'You've got cholera.'
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I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, its P something T something R.
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I was reading this book today, The History of Glue. I couldn't put it down.
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I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on.
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The recruitment consultant asked me 'What do you think of voluntary work? I said 'I wouldn't do it if you paid me.'
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I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, 'You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana.' He said, 'No, this is for the custard.'
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This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, 'I want you to trace someone for me.'
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I told my mum that I'd opened a theatre. She said, 'Are you having me on?' I said, 'Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything.'
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I phoned the local builders today, I said to them 'Can I have a skip outside my house?' He said, 'I'm not stopping you!'
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This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says 'Audi!'
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I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He said, 'Nearest the bull goes first' He went 'Baah' and I went 'Moo' He said 'You're closest'
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I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said 'I careered off the road'
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I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there.
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I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts.
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I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar' I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.
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I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.'
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I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'
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A waiter asks a man, 'May I take your order, sir?' 'Yes,' the man replies. 'I'm just wondering, exactly how do you prepare your chickens?' 'Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die.'
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Blame it on Tatts - he started it!
er, i think you'll find that Boogie Nights was indeed a hit for Heatwave BUT in 1977 NOT 1976. Not harf
http://www.everyhit.com/searchsec.php
HEy, let me tell you, the games gone because when youve been in football as long as I have then, absolutely, you;ll find that you make a lot of friends in the game.
Greg, Mego, Broads, Trevor, Brucey, Mowbs. All of em, good mates.