Recently by Jim Levack

I just got through the front door from Tesco laden down with shopping (plus a few beers for the England game) when I was confronted by a 14-year-old Mr Angry.

"Where are my tracksuit bottoms?" he snarled accusingly as if I'd borrowed them to nip to the shops despite our vastly differing waistlines.

There can't be many dads who play football at a decent level with their boys, so I count myself pretty lucky to be still finding the net in my early 40s with them watching on in awe...well maybe not.

Occasionally I get comments like "yeah, not bad", and once Nick even complimented me on a magnificent finish with the outside of the foot that Christiano Ronaldo would have been proud of. I almost fainted.

Just back from a meeting at school where parents gathered expectantly to hear details of their little darlings football coaching trip to Spain.

Moulded studs are essential, two T-shirts, limit the spending money (yesss!), packed schedule...all the usual teacher warnings about behaviour, lights out etc - and then came the catch!

"Have you got Jess some trackie bottoms for hockey?" came the call from my wife just before lunchtime - code for "get your backside out to the shops and buy her some or she won't be playing".

After minutes of searching I snapped up a bargain in true dad style...sort of grey high waisted cotton affairs with flared bottoms that would double as lounge pants - value for money, I thought.

"WHAT'S that dust covered white thing in the cupboard?" my wife will ask, probably, in about five or six months time.

"It's a Wii love, remember them - the 'must have' toy from last Christmas?"

I'M not a great believer in conspiracy theories but there's definitely something funny going on at my house.

Each night when I return home my 14-year-old son has switched on every light in the place - from his desk lamp to the bedrooms to the living room.

Planes landing at Brum use our place as a landing beacon as they begin their descent.

Meanwhile I'm beginning my descent into poverty as the constantly soaring gas and electric bills tumble in. My son insists he is not on commission from our energy supplier Npower which has just bumped up its prices.