Food for thought
Many years ago I watched the brilliant Dave Allen describe in one of his superb sit down monologues how his children spoke a different language.
I didn't have kids at the time but laughed at his excellent understated delivery...but I'm not laughing now.
When my two lads aren't talking a completely different language where everything is "well harsh", "proper good" or just plain "safe", they're grunting.
I've noticed a direct correlation between hunger and the grunting - the longer you deprive them of food the fewer words they utter.
The better fed they are the more rubbish they talk, usually in a hyperactive manner at a decibel level that makes me want to explode with rage.
More food = nonsensical but upbeat conversation bordering on manic.
Less food = peace and quiet with the depressing realisation that my children are neanderthals.
What a dilemma.
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Bad Dad - A look at life with small and teenage children
Oh, I know exactly where you're coming from.
Can't understand a word my twin sons (15)say 90 per cent of the time.
Funny how they enunciate, "Can I have a tenner Mum please?" so clearly. In fact it's almost Queen's English!