October 2008 Archives

I went back in time last night... back to an age where rolling news services didn't exist and where football wasn't central to every news broadcast.

I couldn't make the game at Villa Park. No, I was off to see Steve Coogan in Brum.

'twas a birthday present, you see. Meal and drinks thrown in. No queuing. No paying £3.50 for a plastic bottle of lager.

Coogan was good. Not enough Alan Partridge though.

Anyway, I digress.

I knew there was a load of football on so I'd turned my phone off. I'd turned the radio to Radio 2 just as I parked the car, so that it would not be on a sports broadcast, in all probability, when I returned.

I'd recorded Match of the Day and unbelievably didn't have a clue how the results had gone until this morning when I watched the highlights programme.

Arsenal 4 Spurs 4, Liverpool beating Portsmouth, United hammering West Ham.... and then Villa..... picking the same team.... Carew still on the bench..... crikey.

It was interesting to read his comments in the Norwegian press yesterday. That he didn't after all go to a strip club. That he was next door. Drinking pepsi. (note to self: when next in a pickle with the missus, give Carew's agent a call)

It didn't look a good game. Blackburn, from the highlights, looked to be unlucky. That can happen half a dozen times on any given Saturday.

But the enjoyable thing was being able to make my own mind up and not having a gaggle of garrulous pundits- whether on the radio or TV- picking apart every little incident and then telling me what is right or wrong with players, clubs or officials.

Because there was almost a full programme last night there was hardly time for any managers or players to bleat to the media either. Just Mark Hughes about a very dodgy penalty. He seemed to have a point. But my point is that there is too much whingeing.

For an hour and a half today I was actually able to enjoy football for what it should be. A game.

I wasn't presented with a hundred and one ways to defend a near-post corner, although there was a little too much made of Rory Delap's throw-ins.

Had Alan Hansen not told me Villa were poor I'd have been able to make my own mind up completely.

It made me long for by-gone days when games were off the TV almost completely. The days when newspapers and radio ruled the roost.

Back then decisions were not hacked apart. Tactics were not combed over in minute detail.

Players and managers were not hankered upon for every single word.

There was not a: "We need to bounce back", "we need to win on Saturday", "it was a poor/good/atrocious decision", "we need to win at home", "this will be a tough match".... blah, blah, blah.

Just a match report of a few hundred words, an injury update and a few action pictures. Heaven.

My morning's viewing over, my delight was short-lived.

I accidentally flicked the channel and an elderly Tottenham fan in a bobble hat was being interviewed about the game at the Emirates..... then a young chap, a Spurs fan, who had... wait for it.... walked out with the score at 4-2 to Arsenal. Please save me from it all. I almost smiled at one point and then realised it was a grimace as I was gnawing at my bottom lip.

A chirpy Harry Redknapp (I wonder if he'll still be as smug when he realises his move to Tottenham means another visit to Villa Park in the middle of March) seemed to be taking full credit for the turnaorund at Tottenham ..... the TV is stil on and now I'm looking at a history line of Tottenham at White Hart Lane. It is sickly beyond words.

Would they provide the same level of coverage if Albion, Blues, Wolves or Villa were to build a new stadium?

I'm now firm in my belief that if you turn the TV off through the week and just attend the matches, and don't listen to all the hype, then you'd almost be able to accept the fabulous riches that go with being a footballer, manager, director, or for that matter just a suited-and-booted 'jobsbody' at a Premier League club. Every club has dozens of them. They have to spend your £45 match ticket somehow.

I'll calm down......back to Match of the Day and Hansen was quite right when he said that the mark of a good side is in collecting results when you play poorly.

It's up to fourth after another great win and all set for Newcastle on Monday night when surely Carew will get a start and probably Steve Sidwell in too for Nigel Reo-Coker and Stiliyan Petrov.

I'm turning the TV off now. It may be off for a while.

Pity the Villa fans caught in the middle of a three car pile-up just shy of junction 16 on the M6 at around 11.30am.

Not only did they lose the roof of their car, the fire service had kindly removed that to get them out, but they also missed a four goal thrashing of Wigan.

Would they be more upset about the car or the loss of an away trip?

The M6 was a car park for an hour. There was the sight of Villa fans walking up the carriageway for a chat with other football supporters. Stoke fans were on their way to Manchester. Don't suppose their conversation was anything other than a few grunts about how good Thomas Sorensen has become.

I arrived in sunshine. It was weather that by the second half would become sheeting rain.

All the pre-match talk was of John Carew. Woud he start, or would his punishment for being in a lap dance bar in the early hours of the morning before the Ajax game continue?

Much of the talk centered around the Villa supporter who took the trouble to phone a local newspaper on Thursday evening with details of Carew's rendevous.

The general consensus was the the fella might be lucky to escape an ear-bashing from one or two fans.

It was all good pre-match banter. His main concern, according to his fellow travelling fans, might be if Carew found out his identity. He'd put his windows in... if he was lucky.

His secret will remain safe with me. I wonder if he snitches on his mates if they smoke at work?

Carew spent the first half sat stoney-faced on the bench, looking somewhere in the vicinity of a blow-up inflatable doll in the middle of the 4,000 away fans.

"Get your bits out for Carew", I am sure they were singing en-mass, although I may have been mistaken.

We all know what happened in that second half. Villa were under enormous pressure but soaked it up and hit Wigan with a quickfire double. Pandemonium broke out amongst delirious Villa fans.#

Steve Sidwell wrapped things up.

Then the post-match interviews. No Carew I'm afraid. Don't think he'll be speaking for a while.

He was silly, of course. He should never have been out, and definitely not in Broad Street, and certainly not before a match. There are mitigating circumstances I know. He was ill and wasn't due to be playing. And he wasn't drinking.

Anyway, top awards go to Sidwell, James Milner and Martin O'Neill for their post-match humour.

Sidwell reckoned the whole squad wouild be going to the lap dance bar before the Blackburn game if it had that effect on their performances.

Milner tried a sneaky one. "John always trains hard, even when it's cold and he's got his hat and gloves on and he's a bit stiff....." Nice one James.... saw that a mile off. You might have gotten away with it if you weren't giggling so.

And to O'Neill: "I'd love to have done the same but there is the age gap!", he told reporters. "I used to do it, but they weren't 'lap' bars then."

All good natured. A sound performance if not spectacular on the pitch and an unbelievably good result which sets them up nicely for Rovers on Wednesday.

Won't be there myself. Just about to get the train to London. My five year-old is bursting to see the Doctor Who exhibition.

"Exterminate" is exactly how Carew is feeling right now. Two people are in his sights, neither of them are currently manager of Aston Villa FC.

I reckon Martin O'Neill has taken another leaf out of Old Big Head with his rather robust praise for Gabby Agbonlahor following last night's win over Ajax.

One of Brian Clough's many strengths was in his ability to make players feel ten feet tall.

Now I may have been watching a different game entirely against Ajax to the one the Villa boss seems to have witnessed, because I thought young Gabby was having a bit of a tough evening.

Yes, I understand he was having to play more of a target man roll with John Carew sat in the stands.

But for too often of late Gabby has seemed to struggle if he isn't able to run onto a high ball lofted over the head of the last defender.

And I thought even his injury at the end of the game was partly caused by him backing out of a challenge when the ball was there to be won.

And yet what do we get from O'Neill after the game? Gabby was "immense", he was "brilliant" and he was "fantastic".

Clough used to play games with the media. One of his players might have a stinker, but in the post-match analysis he'd build them up to such a degree that the interviewer would question his own judgement.

Gabby will hopefully have been reading today's papers.

And he'll hopefully be feeling rather pleased with himself.

A confident Gabby has got more of a chance of stepping up a strike rate of one goal in his last eleven Villa appearances, than a Gabby with his head down and a manager on his back wondering where his next goal is coming from.

With Villa so desperate for a target man last night, it made me wonder just how far Marlon Harewood has shrunk out of the picture.

Even when Agbonlahor was stretchered off (Stiliyan Petrov later told me, I guess tongue in cheek: "He went on the stretcher just to get applause and sympathy from the crowd!") it was Curtis Davies who came on for the last 60 seconds of stoppage time.

What does that tell us? Well, it means that there is now a desperate need for a Roque Santa Cruz, Emile Heskey or Kevin Doyle come January.

Sorry if that's obvious. It was also obvious last summer but despite a £30 million joint bid for Santa Cruz and David Bentley (I bet he is having second thoughts now) no forward arrived.

And with John Carew struggling with fatigue it would be galling to see Villa's season wither away on the grounds of a lack of fire-power.

Dean Saunders is here, manager of non-league Wrexham.

I'm Wondering if he is here purely in his media capacity with a national radio station or is he scouting for talent? Marlon Harewood is available.........perhaps.

Gareth Barry's goal on the stroke of half-time has given Villa a chance to relax and get some goals.

There was far too much made of his post-Pompey comments in the media about him demanding to play in midfield, just like there was too much made of Martin O'Neill's response which was reported as: "You'll play where I tell you to play", but in reality was somewhat different.

I should know as it was me who spoke to O'Neill on his mobile phone to get the story, midway through the Newcastle-Manchester City game on Monday night. Totally unfussed by Barry's reported comments he was too.

Anyway, back to the action..... Nicky Shorey has just leathered a cracker from the edge of the area which Kenneth Vermeer has done brilliantly to save. Martin Laursen's follow-up header looks destined to creep under the crossbar but the agile Vermeer is there again.

Shorey is having a storming second half. Never saw him in the first.

Stuart Pearce is here too. Looking thoroughly bored. I wonder if Gabby Agbonlahor's recent form for Villa is a concern? One goal in ten games, or something like that. And he's not looking great tonight.

Every now and again the Holte sparks into delirium. It's still a nervy occasion. Those three points can mean so much. Still can't help thinking that the alcohol ban in the UEFA Cup makes such a difference.

Fair play to the stadium announcer. He's corrected himself having made a bit of a blooper by announcing Ajax's substitute as 'Leonardo Sno'. He's actually rattled off the names of two subs together there.

I wonder whether Davies Knight will see some action soon? Looking at the Cuellar- Laursen partnership I would suggest not for a while.

Just over 20 minutes to go and all is well. Even the Dutch journalists around me have gone a little quiet.

The aforementioned Agbonlahor has taken a tumble in the box after getting the better of Leonardo, who if he is the Brazilian must be 50 if he is a day.

Villa are well on top now but survive a scare when Dario Cvitanich heads wide.

Vermeer has just kicked the ball further than I have ever seen without wind assistance, some three-quarters of the length of the pitch. Somewhat predictably Laursen came through the back of the centre-forward like a tank and headed it back towards half-way.

Villa are inching their way there...... Gareth Barry has just produced a strong-arm lock around the neck of Leonardo.

Ajax have played some neat stuff but have not done enough to get an equaliser.

Much was made of Klaas Jan Huntelaar. O'Neill even joked he was spoken about more in terms of 'trillions' than 'millions' - but he's hardly had a kick.

Agbonlahor has just been clattered by Vermeer, rather him than me. He's put onto a stretcher on 93 minytes and doesn't look happy. It looked like a clattering to the shoulder.

Davies gets an unexpected outing. Still no Harewood.

The crowd- just over 36,500 of them- are now whistling like crazy. But 94 minutes are up and three points it is. Just four more needed at most now from three matches.

What a relief. Next stop Prague!

The build-up to this magnificent spectacle was dominated by a 50 pence piece.

There was too much talk of extra policing around the dugout, too much made of extra stewarding.

Surely one man with a rather large bucket would suffice?

If ever there was any proof that the credit crunch has not affected Aston Villa under Randy Lerner, it was surely made with one fan tossing such an amount away.

In my day visiting fans would always be targeted with pennies, or perhaps tupenny-bits. Never a ten pence.

They've still not found the idiot. Probably never will now. He may even be here amongst us tonight. I wonder if his son or daughter ever forgave him for throwing her crisp money away?

One thing's for sure, if they find a five guilder coin near the dugouts tonight it will mean two things: the culprit might a little difficult to catch as he'll be abroad by first light, and secondly he'll have a blummin' good throw on him.

One thing's for sure though. The visiting supporters, all up on their feet in the corner of the Witton Lane- North Stand- are a noisy lot.

I was actually expecting a full house tonight and I must say I am a little disappointed.

The players are entering the field below me for the biggest European night in a decade but there are empty seats dotted around the stadium- and the Witton Lane (or Doug Ellis Stand- the sign has long since disappeared after apparently being taken down for spring cleaning) is only marginally over half full.

Never mind, it's live on the telly and it's a cold night.

Ajax- all conquering in the early 70s when Johan Cruyff was teaching Brazilians a thing or two- represent exactly the type of opponents Martin O'Neill's men needed: good on the ball but physically inferior, very decent to watch but eminently beatable.

They are looking like Chelsea, in royal blue with white socks. Where was the colour clash? An Ajax team not in red and white is not the 'real' Ajax.

The Holte End is buzzing. The huge flag has just been carried overhead. Noisy as they are, the Ajax fans can only be impressed with such an imposing banner.

O'Neill has already started the mind games by claiming the Dutch side have the edge because of their experience. But only Nicky Shorey, Ashley Young and Gabby Agbonlahor have not got European experience at club level.

Marco Van Basten disagrees. Villa and Hamburg's budgets are too large to hope to compete with and they are the group favourites, he says.

Villa have been hit by illness with John Carew not in the squad. He's sat in the stands, suited and booted with his diamond earings in place. That's a big blow alright- the injury not the jewellery.

James Milner will now play behind Aghbonlahor. Two months into the new season and Villa's woefully short options up front are exposed. What about Marlon Harewood I hear you cry? Exactly.

Ajax have started strongly but within eight minutes Martin Laursen has sent the Holte into raptures with an absolute bullet of a header from Ashley Young's corner.

But Villa fall asleep and Urby Emanuelson flights over a corner from which Thomas Vermaelen grabs an equaliser.

Whoever said Europe was going to be easy? I'll be back a little later but there's goals in this alright.

"He's big, he's blue, his girlfriend's tasty too, Peter Crouch..."

31st January 2004, Walkers Stadium Leicester. A glorious 5-0 rout and the beginning of the end for Peter Crouch at Villa.

Crouch returns with yet another club tomorrow having already been given a fine reception with Southampton and (rather less so) with Liverpool.

Sold for £2million. Yes.... that's £2 million. A year on the south coast and that became £7 million. A couple of years on Merseyside and that rose to £9 million and quite possibly eventually £11million.

30 England caps or thereabouts and a Champions League Final in the kit bag.

Oh dear. And you thought the £6 million spent on Bosko Balaban represented poor business.

That day at Leicester Crouch got two of the five second half goals Villa blitzed past Ian Walker in 18 minutes.

His partnership with Darius Vassell worked an absolute treat- a mirror-image if you like of the 'big-man, little man' combination that he is enjoying with Jermain Defoe.

A week later though David O'Leary brought back Juan Pablo Angel and Crouch was left on the bench against Leeds for all but the final four minutes of a 2-0 win.

If Crouch didn't know it before, and if he didn't read that the writing was on the wall following his loan spell at Norwich, then he certainly knew that night that his time at Villa was on the wane.

Has anyone yet held their hands up to say that Villa should never have done business with Southampton back in July 2004? Nope. Of course not.

It will be good to see Crouch again. Always a very likeable man. I wonder if Abigail Clancy will be at Villa Park? She could manage it after a morning's shopping in the Bullring.

Saw her on Jonathan Ross the other week. Thought she put Stevie Wonder in the shade.

Stop Crouch and Defoe and you've got a chance.

I've noticed Steve Sidwell's comments that the key to winning the battle on Saturday will be in getting the better of Lassana Diarra.

From what I was told by the local reporter down in Portsmouth yesterday he might have to shift his targets as Diarra is out through injury.

Speaking of the official site, I like the idea of a poll to find the ultimate player.

Martin Laursen has pipped Dion Dublin and Andy Gray to find the best header of a ball.

Garry Thompson would have won that one hands down for me.

Next up is a player with the best heart. My shortlist? Eric Djemba-Djemba has to be on there for spending his wages on gambling, big cars and clothes. (errrrrrm..... like professional footballers do, actually)

Alpay would be on there for that season and a-half after the 2002 World Cup when self-deluded fame from being named in the tournament's dream FIFA squad quickly went to his head.

But the winner has to be David Unsworth for his commitment to the cause. Forced to make one reluctant appearance for Villa Reserves he was shipped off to Everton after a month blaming his wife's homesickness.

"He was told he'd got to be home by one o'clock, or his dinner would be in the bin," an appalled John Gregory explained to the press.

PS: Can anyone tell me the final score of this coming Saturday's Championship clash between Bristol City and Norwich? My mate told me it's going to be 1-0 at half-time and 4-3 on the whistle.

Looks like Wayne Routledge could miss out on a loan move.

Wolves were keen, so I understand, and Routledge was a possibility with their wide players injured.

He played extremely well against Litex Lovech and more than a few Championship clubs are interested.

But the problem is the four European games that face Villa over the next couple of months and the fact that a few injuries and the likes of Routledge, Isiah Osbourne, Zat Knight- their 'midweek' team if you like, will be called upon.

Whisper it but even Marlon Harewood could be called upon. CRIKEEEY NO!!!!

The indications are that Gabby Agbonlahor was only taken off as a precaution against Wales under-21s last night.

But even if he missed the Portsmouth game- and many a Villa supporter I speak to say to me that that might not be a bad thing for the youngster or the team- then would you seriously put your faith in Harewood from the start? Unlikely.

More likely James Milner would get the call to partner John Carew.

There has been a lot of speculation about Harewood and the possibility of him leaving Villa Park in January.

Can Stoke City's Tony Pulis really be that desperate? Well yes....probably.

But surely not Reading's Steve Coppell? Well, stranger things have happened. There's little doubt O'Neill has had a long-term interest in Kevin Doyle and there's little doubt that Harewood's power would cause defences major problems in the Championship.

Harewood has been so out-of-touch but you simply couldn't rule anything out. But with a £4 million price tag Martin O'Neill will not give him away.

Harewood turned his first season at the club around with a 20 minute cameo at Liverpool last January.

Can he do the same again? Well, the signs aren't good despite a first goal since April's 6-0 rout of Derby County when he scored a real belter against Litex Lovetch.

That had taken him 347 minutes of action over six months.

He got another 18 minutes at Chelsea. Mathematicians can work it out. That's one goal in 365 minutes, or one goal in four games.

As for his late show at Chelsea in those closing minutes? Full of much huffing and puffing but with little inclination to blow down any houses, indeed it's doubtful John Terry felt anything more than a light autumn breeze down the back of his neck whenever Harewood was in persuit.

To think he was on the point of signing for Wigan 18 months back. Harewood changed his mind, Steve Bruce then took over, Emile Heskey flourished and they signed an Egyptian called Amr Zaki who not only can't stop scoring but apparently even likes the weather.

I still think Heskey could be Villa bound in January. Or Doyle. Or both.

GARETH Barry has just been named in the England side to face Belarus tongiht and I'm delighted.

Barry had been simply too much on the fringes against Kazakhstan and was withdrawn at half-time.

But mercifully all the talk pre-match had been about Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard.

You could tell the seriousness of Fabio Capello's predicament with Radio 5 Live waxing lyrical about Gerrard's poor form on it's morning talk show yesterday.

"I'd stay with Gerrard and build the team around him- play him where he wants", said one caller who, predictably, was a Liverpool fan who admitted he didn't care much for the national side.

"Frank Lampard is the best midfielder in the country and he should play the central role", said another caller with a southern accent.

Barry's name hardly came into it. I'd expected him to be the fall guy and the fact he wasn't surprised me.

That's because the written and broadcast media seem too often to want to go easy on players from the big four because they have such a cosy relationship with those clubs.

"Gerrard is such a magnificent player we should play him wherever we can"- said one national writer today.

It's all nonesense. Gerrard is a bit like a playground bully. Brilliant for Liverpool but awful for God knows how long at international level. Sure he can shine against the United States at Wembley in a friendly, but when did he last do it when it mattered?

If he can't play the role Capello has identified he needs in his team set-up, then he should stand aside.

Lampard appears to have heeded the warning from the Italian.

Lampard- who for the first time I have ever seen completely dominated a Villa midfield a fortnight ago- has been little better for England.

But at least his form over the past couple of internationals has been markedly better. Chalk and cheese you might say.

Eight months ago Villa had five players in an England squad of 30.

Curtis Davies may have to bide his time for a season or more, particularly if you saw his performance at Chelsea.

Scott Carson is back in there but is at Albion nowadays, Ashley Young is close and Gabby Agbonlahor was all due to flight out to Belarus but for a hamstring injury whilst playing for the undfer-21s.

It would have been harsh to say the least had Barry missed out on a starting place in Belarus.

But his challenge is still ahead with Owen Hargreaves, Joe Cole and Michael Carrick all due to return to fitness soon at a time when Gerrard and Lampard's names appear carved in stone in England's starting eleven.

As for that man Young. What exactly does he have to do to get into a squad that does not seem to possess one single wide left player?

The Premiership's Player of the Month, at least in my book, experienced an 'up and down' September: brilliant at Tottenham, largely kept under lock-and-key by the talented Gianni Zuiverloon at Albion and scorer of a terrific free-kick against Sunderland but with a performance that always looked in second gear.

Young is a supremly gifted set-piece specialist (although you wouldn't have known it against QPR or LItex Lovech). He has the ability to dominate full-backs on either side at Villa Park in games where Villa's midfield are dominating possession and allowing him a 'free' role.

Perhaps Fabio Capello simply sees too much of the other side of his game, like at Chelsea where he was anonymous (but who wouldn't be with that little service?) or at home to Liverpool, or away at Stoke for instance, where he did too little with the ball.

But even so it must surely be only a matter of time before the former Watford winger gets another senior call.

In the meantime we can only hope that his new lucrative contract finally gets to see the nib of a ball-point.

THE visit of Portsmouth to Villa Park this Saturday could easily be billed the battle of the sharp-shooters.

Jermain Defoe sits joint-top of the Premier League scoring charts with five goals, Villa's own Gabby Agbonlahor and John Carew have four apiece and former Villan Peter Crouch has three.

But I'm seeing it as Lower Trinity versus Harry Redknapp 2.

Redknapp, you will recall, was rather less than complimentary about a section of the home support following Pompey's 3-1 win at Villa in December.

To set the scene... a week or so earlier Redknapp had been one of the five people arrested as part of the City of London's investigation into football corruption and was held at Chichester police station.

Never ones to miss a trick the Villa fans suggested something to the tune that the former West Ham manager was "going down with Derby"- or something to that matter.

It won't have stopped there though, and after seeing Villa trail to some magical strikes from Sully Muntari one or two choice words will have been cast in frustration at the Pompey boss.

"You've got people saying stuff behind you with little kids shouting filth," Redknapp said after the game. "I didn't bring my kids up to talk like that."

I'm just guessing that another bumper crowd of 38,000-plus might just want to remind Happy Harry about biting the hand that feeds.

It might not have been nice. It wouldn't have been the best of times for Harry, and he certainly had a point about any indecent bile that may have been thrown his way.

But such are the monumental sums earned by managers and especially players these days that they are walking not so much a tightrope, but more a plank by complaining about it.

There is an 'us' versus 'them' mentally nowadays. There has never been a bigger divide between supporters and clubs and when managers who earn seven figure sums a season (that's before the decimal point) want to gripe about fans, then it looks rather unsightly.

If Villa win on Saturday- and a fit side without injuries should come through especially with Pompey being without key midfielder Lassana Diarra- then Harry should escape another ear-bashing.

But if things get difficult for Martin O'Neill's men then Harry might find some boisterous Villa fans have memories like elephants (that's to say they don't forget, not that they are out to protect their ivory).

It promises to be a fascinating encounter, not least as I suspect Carlos Cuellar is in line for a first league start following Curtis Davies' struggles at Stamford Bridge.

Three points for Villa and they will continue to batter down the door of the top four and that defeat at Chelsea will be long forgotten.

A poor display and a draw or defeat at all sorts of questions about Villa's capacity to compete on two fronts this season will be posed.

It wasn't just a two goal defeat in West London, it was a battering.

Pompey are by no means a bad side, especially with their front two. But neither are they the force that kept pace with Villa neck-and-neck last season.

A six goal defeat at Manchester City was their last away result in the Premier League.

Villa need a good result to take them forwards to their biggest European night in a decade against Ajax.

I'VE just heard Frank Skinner talking about how Jermaine Jenas must have felt like a competition winner at the last World Cup- you know, turning up for training sessions, getting your picture taken, getting a seat close to the dug-out.

And I'm wondering if Thomas Sorensen felt the same way last season when he sat on the bench for the away game at Bolton in October and then again at Liverpool in January?

Just to be exact- that's no minutes of action in an entire season.

Cosiest job on the planet? It's potentially up there with chocolate tester at Cadburys, or chief sampler at the Highgate Brewery.

'Goal-keeper'- surely his job description should have been altered to: 'glove sampler', or: 'person with responsibility for warming up coach Seamus McDonagh during half-time intervals'.

But at £2million or thereabouts for a season's 'graft'. Phenomenal. And my parents badgered me to stay at school and pass some O-levels (that's GCSE's kids).

Now Sorensen has the gall to accuse Martin O'Neill of trying to jeopardise his career.

Sorensen says three clubs came in for him. O'Neill says nonesense.

But I'd have had a bit more respect for the keeper had he offered to take a cut in wages, which I suspect was the chief reason for him not being able to move so swifly elsewhere.

Why ever would Villa allow a 'free' transfer when no club in their right minds would offer £40,000 a week to a player who would be out of contract in a matter of months?

Sorensen had the misfortune to pull a hamstring on the eve of last season in a friendly in Toronto. That opened the door for Stuart Taylor but a new number one was always on the cards and Scott Carson came in.

Taylor, by the way, has played little ever since he was brought to the club by David O'Leary but has kept his dignity.

I suspect the root of Sorensen's problems lay in the fat contract that he was offered by the former manager and then signed.

Incidentally, Sorensen and Stoke are at Villa Park on February 28.

I would suggest the Holte End buy some Kenny Everett-style massive hands and give him a wave.