tv supper

Juande Ramos clearly has no sense of humour.

Otherwise he wouldn't have called for an end to the transfer window at the beginning of the football season.

Nope, he'd have called for a transfer window every Monday night or so, for say just an hour so that we could marvel at the caffeine and Red Bull-fuelled creation that Sky Sports News' Jim White has become.

Monday night was big enough anyway with both Manchester clubs spending over £30 million on a player apiece.

But everything Sky did on Monday, or White, was bigger than this world has ever seen before.

"There you have it", he said at one point as the cameras focused on Old Trafford. "They're closing the curtains!", he said at one point before explaining it was because United had been were watching Sky: "like every football fan up and down the country" as the cameras panned onto their windows.

There was the infamous text allegedly from Joey Barton. "I've known Joey for years and we always have a special relationship with him here at Sky", said our Jim.

The text reportedly said: "I don't want to comment on speculation but I don't want to leave Newcastle. I owe the club and fans a lot for all I have put them through."

In Barton speak that more like likely read: "sayin nowt 2nite m8 ....."

I loved the reporter with three mobile telephones who revealed that he had been texted by Premier League players all night: "Some of whom can't believe what is going on, and are desperate for their clubs to get a piece of the action, and others who are waiting for moves".

Yeah right.

"Don't focus on the text messages!", he barked at the director who was attempting a close up. Yikes that was close!

His text messages probably read something like: "Your tea is going cold love..." and: "Want to meet the girl of your dreams then text...", and "your Scooby Doo ring-tone has been dispatched".

"What do you think Tottenham are making of all of this?", he was asked by one of the anchors- no rhyming slang intended.

"I wouldn't want to comment on Tottenham's behalf..." he replied. Brilliant!

Loved the way Sky put the reasoning behind Manchester City's move for Dimitar Berbatov down to: "a smokescreen to enable them to get Robinho". You couldn't make this up.

Honest I'd not been watching any more than an hour. But I was hooked.

The bloke outside The City of Manchester Stadium was competing all night with a bunch of hooded hoodlems up well past their bed-time.

The poor fella at the Tottenham training ground was standing in progressive darkness as not a lot went on.

And poor Rob Dorsett had the job of standing outside Stoke's ground trying to make the signings of Danny Higginbotham, Tom Soares and Michael Tonge sound like world-beaters.

Blip blip blip....what's this....

A text message.

Another text. "Mr Howell your Sky bill has had to rise by £1 a month to cover the rising cost of caffeine."

blip blip blip

"Bill, . have just been reading Descarts Meditations on First Philosophy when he argues that even the most dire skepticism is overcome by the certainty of one's own existence as a thinking thing- all the best Marlon."