Perish the thought but just imagine if Villa are losing, or even drawing at West Ham tomorrow with just five minutes remaining on the clock.

News comes filtering through that Blackburn have taken the lead at Blues....

Fulham are already four down at Portsmouth and Reading are trailing at Derby.

Now then, amid all the rejoicing from 3,000 visiting fans down in East London, when the dust settles do Villa fans pray for a Blues equaliser?

It would be a Blues goal to keep them in the division at the point.

But it would also keep Villa in the InterToto Cup.

I'm just guessing that the majority of Villa fans would say: "S*@ the InterToto- the Blues are down!"

But I'm pretty sure that Martin O'Neill and his coaching staff and players would be thinking the opposite.

It might mean coming back a day or two earlier in the summer.

And it does mean playing two games on July 20 and July 27 against opposition from Finland, Denmark or Northern Ireland.

It then involves a UEFA Cup qualification round in early August at a time when a high profile pre-season friendly has been pencilled in for Villa Park.

All a little messy.

But well worth the hassle when you think of the high-profile fixtures enjoyed by Tottenham, Everton and Bolton this season, not to mention Rangers.

As for tomorrow's game... well, I am not optimistic of Newcastle helping Villa out with a win at Everton.

By all accounts they struggled to get out of their own half against Chelsea when Mark Viduka went off injured, and Joey Barton cannot enter Merseyside because of bail conditions.

I'm also pessimistic about Villa's chances.

That row between Martin O'Neill and Rafa Benitez about who said what to whom and why and when and wherefore, has been a headline writers dream but it has certainly heaped a whole load of pressure on Villa's skipper and best player Gareth Barry.

And then there's the Nigel Reo-Coker factor which will make Villa's end of season finale anything but an end of season sunshine stroll.

As for that O'Neill midweek rant....it was simply the best of its kind since Kevin Keegan had a pop at Fergie.

Rafa certainly bit off a whole load more than he can chew when he took on the Irishman.

"I'm not so sure he has respect for anything", said O'Neill. OUCH!!!!

And yet in the background I can hear water running...... must be that tap.

"From SKY SPORTS NEWS, CNN, CENTRAL NEWS & MIDLANDS TODAY>>>>>>>

Wolverhampton Wanderers missed out on the playoffs by a mere one goal difference..... on a more serious

note Douglas from the Lurpak advert has melted!!!!"

My brother called from Australia this morning and woke me up with that little ditty.

He hasn't stopped chuckling since it appeared on the 606 message boards.

Had he not called when he did, perhaps I would still be sleeping now.

It had been a late night.

I was at the Football Writers' dinner. In Dorridge. Never been there before. Seven stops from Moor Street Station. I counted every one there. But the journey back is a little hazy.

Most of the big name bosses were there: Martin O'Neill who delighted in telling the room that a certain national

newspaper reporter had had his advancesn well and trully rejected by his daughter whilst they were at college together.

I have a feeling he was getting his own back for some rather wayward reporting.

O'Neill, John Robertson and Steve Walford all still managed to make the reserves play-off at Anfield later that night.

Tony Mowbray was there. Or "Moaney Towbray" as I'm sure I heard him introduced by the Daily Mail's Neil Moxley. I guess it was a slip.

Yet more chocolates were presented to Albion's best manager since Johnny Giles- as I later called him.

"What about Ron Atkinson?", he asked. "He inherited that side", I said.

I did not relate this tale to the said Mr Atkinson when I said hello just moments later. I probably said
something like: "Ron, you were the best manager Albion had since Johnny Giles". Perhaps. Not that two years is much to sniff about.

Trevor Francis was there. I told him that the last time we spoke was after a Blues win at Barnsley, as I recall. "A couple of days later you were sacked", I said.

Diplomacy has always been my high point.

Alex McLeish was there and in relaxed mood too, which was great to see especially considering relegation is looming large on the horizon.

Bored him half to death by telling him I used to live in John Street, Aberdeen. A flat above a pub, as it happens. Messy.

Graham Turner of Hereford United was there....and looks every bit the same bloke on the Panini stickers in the 1980s. Paul Jewell was there, laughing off a merciless ribbing about his aims of reaching the "magical 15 points" next season.

Adam Pearson, his chairman, also showed. It would have been easy to give it a wide birth after such a sorry season.

Fair play to 'Mox'. He'd organised the bash and put on a cracking event. "Getting 40 journalists and 20 football folk into one room can be somewhat taxing", he admitted. Or words to that effect.

Andy and Graham were there. The best two journalists on the patch. Jolly good blokes they are too. (both revealed that they liked reading my blog. I think they also still read Viz magazine and the Beano).

As for poor Douglas.. I have no idea whether he melted or not. Perhaps he had stayed out in the sun too long waiting for the Baggies' open top bus?

Bill Bonsiewicz is in town.

Who?

The Cleveland Browns vice president of communications.

Why?

Not altogether sure, but I believe it might be something to do with Villa learning from the Americans how best to handle the media.

I had the fortune of meeting Bonsiewicz last week, and an extremely charming man he appears to be.

We had a fascinating chat about how open the locker rooms have to be in the NFL with regards to reporters, and how the rules stipulate how often a coach has to talk to the media. Six days a week, it appears, the press are hounding the Browns with just one day off prior to the game to allow for preparation.

Eight years ago, and for two or three years, I used to sit in my car at Bodymoor Heath and wait for three, four or five hours at times for the players to come out. And then not- so- much plead for an interview, but certainly ask nicely.

The likes of Gareth Southgate, David James, Mark Delaney, Alan Wright, Ian Taylor and Paul Merson rarely, if ever refused. Ugo Ehiogu was good value- though not in the hours that preceded his move to Middlesbrough. I remember the Villa first team coach had driven off without him prior to one particular match during that period of uncertainty.

George Boateng was a nice chap whom I got to know pretty well. Hassan Kachloul became a good friend. He once almost got past me, driving out of the front gates in a battered old red Renault which he had rented so as not to draw attention to himself.

Julian Joachim often used to stop his giant 4x4 monster truck. His feet probably dangling a good two or three inches above his pedals.

If you got to the training ground quickly enough you might even stop Lee Hendrie before he had whistled past you, a minute after the session had ended, on his way to the golf course.

Gareth Barry- someone I hold a lot of respect and admiration for- has always been excellent, right from those very first days when he was incredibly shy whenever interviewed.
Through the years many players, like Juan Pablo Angel, have kept in touch. JPA called my mobile for a chat from America in the hours after being named MVP in a Red Bulls game against Celtic.

Not every player wants to speak. Dion Dublin rarely spoke to the media, but he was such a popular figure within the dressing room that you could actually understand his reasoning.

Then there are others: David Ginola wouldn't waste his breath. Peter Schmeichel neither. Always poor that. Because I like to think I represent the Villa fans in my role at the Mail. How laughable is it when some of these names appear as media pundits in the years that follow?

There are actually a small number of current players that I wouldn't waste my breath on. You can generally spot them leaving the training ground with a "squared off" potato piece on their shoulder.

But in the main the current squad are exceptionally receptive to an interview request with the best of all definitely Barry and the soon-to-be departing Olof Mellberg. Gabby Agbonlahor is always good value, Curtis Davies will, I'm sure, be the voice of Villa for years to come. He really does not mind a camera or a tape-recorder one bit. Almost thrives on it in fact.

So Villa don't need any help, at the moment, surely?

Not when you're sixth in the league, when you have a winning team and a manager and a chairman that 99.9 per cent of the fans love. That's when everything looks after itself.

Villa's profile at the moment hangs on Martin O'Neill. His every last word, his every sentence is gulped up in bucketloads by the likes of me. (And may I add that you can buy me in packets of ten) "He is", as one national reporter told me in the car park outside The Hawthorns- of all places- on Monday night, "a winning manager". End of story. The papers therefore need him just as much- and probably a lot more besides- as he needs them.

I actually spoke to Martin on the telephone yesterday afternoon for some length of time, although he was rushing in his car between personal engagements.

Where would Villa be without him? Nowhere near sixth, that's for sure.

Without O'Neill's time and effort far less words would appear in print about Villa and far less seconds of air time, regardless of their good season.

It's when results turn and the pressure is on that the club relies on its many relationships with the newspaper men and the radio and TV reporters that cover them in so finite a detail.

And perhaps that is where Bonsiewicz comes into play?

FIRST of all my commiserations to the pheasant.

It had no chance when struck by the sleek, blue Jaguar driven by Villa programme editor Rob Bishop on his way back from Goodison Park.

I'm told you could stuff a pillow or two with the feathers.

I'm also told that bird is off the menu in the Bishop household for the time being.

I can only guess that being struck by John Carew must be something similar.

The most cramped and out-dated press box- apart from Blues and Portsmouth, in the Premier League.

I swear I was sitting on two pairs of laps, not just the one.

Elbows are flying everywhere up at Everton, and they don't all belong to Lee Carsley.

Some of these lap-top writers can take an eye out.

Still, I quite like Everton. An old club steeped in tradition (although they've never got over Jeff Astle)... more to the point they have a fridge filled full of Tiger beer at 5 per cent proof.

That new stadium can't come quickly enough for me. And they could do worse than move it 50 or 60 miles down the M6. Well, it looks like we might be losing one local derby, doesn't it?

The late kick-off had at least allowed for a pint in the Countess' Arms en-route to Merseyside via the A-roads.

As for the action...not the greatest of performances at Goodison, but I can't blame Villa for that.

Such was the threat of Gabby Agbonlahor's pace, and such was the accuracy of Gareth Barry and Ashley Young's through balls early on that the home side, nervy anyway after a poor run, just sat back and soaked up the space.

The second half wasn't the greatest from Villa's viewpoint, and they could have fallen a couple of goals behind with the wind blowing through Everton's sails.

But what a cracking last ten minutes!

There was a grey-haired reporter, I guess I could describe him as "elderly" although I know that is never flattering, sat next to me in the press box some time after the final whistle.

He was writing away on his lap-top and turned to me and said: "Who have you got next?"

It wasn't too difficult to guess I was probably covering Villa. I'd been pretty stonefaced throughout that first 80 minutes whereas most of the journalists sat around me spent the game punching the air when the opportunity struck.

"Wigan at home", I said and he replied: "Thought so. That's advantage Villa then as Everton are at Arsenal."

I said: "Well, not really as Everton have the points in the bag."

"I take your point", he said but then turned his gaze back to his screen. "But I'm sticking to my argument that it's Villa's fifth place now."

Whether he's right or wrong... and I think he is mistaken, but it promises to be a great last fortnight of a very fine season indeed.

Just imagine if Villa need the points at West Ham with Nigel Reo-Coker set to face the gauntlet of hate from his old supporters.

Went down to Villa Park this morning for a briefing over the new season ticket prices.

Price rises across the board of around seven per cent, or about £4 on a matchday.

Nicola Keye- the club's ticket manager- all very friendly but seemed as jumpy as a box of frogs. Desperate for the handful of press around the table to report the news positively.

Tom Ross was there too. Smiling through the pain of it all. (In case you didn't know, when he reports on Villa his allegiances are generally split: supporting the opposition or supporting the referee).

Only kidding Tom.

Anyway, to be fair to the club their prices over the last few years have been terrific and a jump of this scale is probably spot on.

£200 for a season ticket last year was incredible. That's now £265 (in the Lower North Stand)- a load less than other clubs might charge not too far from these pastures.

But I'd love to know who the unlucky 400 punters are in the Trinity Road Stand who have received a letter from the club asking them to move away from the best seats in the house to allow more room for the "prawn sandwich brigade".

Yes, you've got it. The club need more room for their corporate guests.

The problem of course is that with a capacity of 42,640, minus 3,000 to away fans and a few thousand that needs to be set aside for match tickets, Villa Park is running close to full occupancy.

750 people, we were told, are already on a waiting list.

Michael Cunnah, as Chief Executive in all but name, has been holding a detailed study of Villa Park over the last few months.

He has been central to this new pricing structure and the need to open up the best areas to the one-off punters who will look more at home at Aintree or Ascot, and even if they know about football might even be cheering on the oppposition with a muffled clap or two under a Motson-style sheepskin.

Another season of 40,000 plus average gates and you can expect an announcement over the future of the North Stand.

By the way, anyone wonder where the signage has gone over the Doug Ellis Stand.

I was told a year ago that it was being taken down for cleaning. Must have been blummin' mucky.

"Rain or shine, you'll always be... one in a million, my fantasy come true"...

and: "System addict.....I never can get enough..."

One of my favourite bands of the eighties and good looking- (well, not the bloke).

I have the cd although it only comes out at Christmas.

Can't quite remember their name... wait a minute... yes...

Five Star.

Take away the League Cup wins of 1994 and 1996 and perhaps the semi-final FA Cup win over Bolton at Wembley in 2000, and I reckon Villa fans are currently enjoying their best sunshine week since their heydays of the early 1980s.

Bolton was good.

Derby was special.

But putting five past you know who..... simply delicious.

I tried to point out the enormity of the result to Martin O'Neill in a quiet moment some time after the final whistle.

"You do know that fans will be talking about this game in five, ten, 20 even 40 years time", I said.

Perhaps I had got a little carried away, but it was the joint-highest league win over Blues of all-time.

And fans still talk about that 5-1 win over Liverpool in December 1976.

"Well.... I won't be around then", he replied and smiled.

Not since November 1959 have Villa spanked more goals past three hapless clubs in succession.

Then it was Charlton (eleven), Bristol City (five) and Scunthorpe (five).

That's 67 goals for the season. Interestingly, that's just two less than O'Neill's Nottingham Forest scored when they won the title in 1978 after playing seven more matches.

Indeed the great Liverpool side of the late 1970s, arguably the greatest in my lifetime, won the title in 1977 having scored five less goals from seven more games. Of course their defence (in conceding 33) were somewhat more miserly than Villa's... but you get the picture.

You have to go back to 1935/36 when Villa last scored as many in a top flight season after 35 games of a season.

That just shows you how far O'Neill's revolution has come.

Ron Atkinson's dashing braves managed only 57 when they finished runners-up in 1992/93.

And yet it might count for little if they cannot get the better of Everton on Sunday in the fifth-place shoot-out to avoid a trip to Northern Ireland, Finland or Denmark in the InterToto.

Still, when you consider what happened to Villa the last time they hit 67 goals after 35 games it is a small price to pay.

72 years ago Villa finished second-bottom having conceded 110 goals and scoring 81.

Now that's entertainment!

As for Sunday's game.. Ashley Young was at times mesmeric. I have been critical of him on numerous occasions earlier in the season for looking for free-kicks. But that now looks behind him.

John Carew was superb, as was Gareth Barry... but you could hardly fault any of them.

Poor, poor Liam Ridgewell. He will not remember Villa's two victories of 2007/08 with much fondness.

Memories of Derby: quite the worst cardboard half-time sandwiches and all the chips had gone pre-match. And could I find a pub on the way back with Sky Sports on to watch the footie afterwards? Could I heck.

The first pub we couldn't find the car-park as it was hidden away and blocked by raised kerbs, the second pub had no TV's, the third was showing Portsmouth-Newcastle and so on to the fourth, with no TV's again but a decent pint of Becks.

Rob and Geoff from Villa's media department have slightly different tastes as they sank some German white beer and an Otter Ale.

As for the footie? The biggest away win in the top division since 1914- a perfect way to prepare for the visit of you know who this Sunday? Undoubtedly.

Villa should win, of course they should. But I remember those initial games back in September 2002 and March 2003 when Villa went in with just as much confidence and optimism as they will now.

Derbies are dangerous beasts.

In the words of The Smiths' song from the eighties: "Please, please, please let ...." Robbie Savage pass his late fitness test.

3,000 Villa fans will enjoy a win at Pride Park far more if Savage is in the Derby team.

Just like Albion fans praying that Nathan Ellington passes his late test and plays against them at The Hawthorns, Villa fans want to see the Bentley king with his nose rubbed in it, so to speak.

Savage, apparently, is doubtful after taking a kick to the knee in Sunday's 1-0 defeat to Everton.

I guess that means he has a bruised finger nail?

Anyway, he used to delight in rubbing his record in against Villa.

Then he lost for the first time at Villa Park whilst in a Blackburn shirt. I was there. And he refused to do any interviews afterwards. Strange for one so usually talkative.

Last season injury and suspension meant he missed both clashes, and he was left on the bench in November when Villa won up at Rovers.

So now is Villa's big chance to get win number two over the Welshman.

And those away fans- who will never forget the Dion Dublin incident in 2003- will be revelling in every missed pass.

Villa should win...just. Set-pieces will be the key. John Carew against Darren Moore will be better than Tyson-Holyfield.

But Villa, somehow, have lost on their last two visits. Surely not a third?

IT's that time of year again to get your texts, e-mails, postcards or whatever sent in to register your Player of the Year.

It's a straight two horse race in both categories, for me.

It was great to see Ashley Young and Gabby Agbonlahor included in the PFA's shortlist for Young Player of the Year. That is a magnificent achievement in itself. But they haven't a Scooby Doo's hope in heck of lifting it... not when you saw the others on the shortlist.

Martin O'Neill is convinced that Chelsea are not interested in Gareth Barry.

"They've had two managers in my time here, and the same chief executive and no one has contacted me", he told me on Tuesday.

It was reassuring,of course, but if only transfers were conducted manager to manager like in the good old days.

Nowadays the team boss can be the last to know.